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Original poster

Don't know how to handle this

33 replies

TheOrigRights · 16/01/2023 15:08

I've known this man for many years through our running club. We've always had a laugh.
Last year he messaged me, and was clear he was interested in a little more.
I was very clear in my response; that I was not looking for romance from him or anyone, but would be happy to meet.
He was happy to do this and we have since met at the pub, been to a few things together and chatted a lot. I like him as a person, but now not only am I not interested in any romance, I am less keen to meet because as I've got to know him, I feel it's not a friendship I want to strengthen.
I do have male friends, but this felt different as he clearly wants more from me.
I don't think I have led him on in any way as I was clear from the start.

I don't want to hurt him, but I do want to ease off, not that he has put any pressure on me at all - he's lovely and kind.

I have a message from him asking if I'd like to meet soon, and I don't know what to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrigRights · 16/01/2023 22:25

monsteramunch · 16/01/2023 22:18

It's not hard to 'justify yourself' though OP.

There's a poster who has started loads of threads about someone from a running club with loads of similarities to yours.

You've confirmed it's not you so people now know. Surely it's no biggie. It's not personal, I just got it wrong and have said so and said sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok, fair enough. I know it can be really tedious to spend time giving advice or contributing to a thread only to find it's not what it seems it is.

Of course I am now very curious to read about this person living my parallel life!

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 16/01/2023 22:26

It was ones like this:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4715810-he-keeps-contacting-me

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 16/01/2023 22:29

monsteramunch · 16/01/2023 22:26

Yikes, that sounds intense.
No, the chap I'm talking about is nothing like that one and I wouldn't need MN advice on how to deal with him either.
No, mine need something a bit nicer than "Fuck off nobber"

OP posts:
figmaofmyimagination · 16/01/2023 22:32

Watchkeys · 16/01/2023 15:44

If you want to ease off, ease off. Tell him you've got too much going on at the moment to meet up (you have, certainly in your head if not otherwise, so it's not a lie), and you'll see him later in the month/season/year/decade (whichever spaces things out and gives you more time.

Later in the 'whatever', see how you feel then. Put him off then, again, if you like. You don't need to make a firm decision now about your whole future with this friendship. Same as with anyone else, if you don't feel like seeing him, don't see him. You're under no obligation.

I think this is the best option.

RaininSummer · 16/01/2023 22:50

If you want to let him down gently I would say you are busy as you have recently started seeing somebody and you will catch up with him sometime at the club. Will put his romantic ideas back in the box.

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 17/01/2023 09:35

figmaofmyimagination · 16/01/2023 22:32

I think this is the best option.

Show quote history

I agree. Thank you. It's honest, though maybe saying "see you next decade" might be a bit blunt!
I will msg him later.

OP posts:
PokemonPasta · 17/01/2023 16:03

I'd just be quite busy. I'd also start inviting other people along if you do want to meet him, so it's obvious he's one of your group of friends rather than a special exclusive relationship.

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 21/01/2023 15:57

I've just replied, saying I've got a lot on but I will see him at club (I finish my session as he's starting his so it's a short overlap).
It's been on my mind that it's taken me nearly a week to reply. But actually it's OK - he wrote to me late Sunday evening so it's not unreasonable for me to not catch up with messages until the w/e.

OP posts:
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