Is my husband cheating?

[iamhurt]

From last three months, husband is acting fishy. He has joined snooker club etc . He is out most of the time and he has started drinking a lot recently. He doesn't like me to interrupt him by calling etc when he is out.
This afternoon I was cooking food but he left without eating. His response was that he was getting late for his game.
After three hours , I noticed he didn't take his car. His club is about 3 miles from our house.
I texted him about car and his reply was that he walked down.
I couldn't digest the fact that why would he walk if he is already getting late etc.
Then I noticed that he left his other phone on his desk. This phone is only for his WhatsApp and Tiktok . I couldn't control and looked at his phone. All his tiktok watch history was watching other women and he has sent five or six requests to local women in one particular day on facebook, a day before our 12th wedding anniversary.

He sleeps in different room because of mattress issues and always on phone .

I feel very unsettled and don't know whether to confront him just yet . I have taken all the screenshots.

Our sex life was used to be good but from few months it's only once a month.
I feel heartbroken.

This post made my stomach turn, I’ve been in a similar situation and the memories came flooding back. Sometimes you just know, and I can’t explain how, but it’s definitely a gut instinct.
OP you either go fight or flight, but for your Children’s sake can I suggest go “normal” with him if you can for outwards appearance. Whilst doing this you need to go into stealth mode, gather all evidence together, seek legal advice and prepare for the worst case scenario.
Please believe me when I say this, do not ever think it’s your fault some men are utterly disgusting, thinking they can have their cake and eat it. Like we will accept the lies, their shitty behaviour, and our naivety. My ex told me it was all my fault and I would never get anyone “better” than him. How very wrong he was. However this is not about me, this is your life and moving forward getting the best life possible for you and the children.
You’ve got my shoulder to lean on and many many others who have been through this.
Chin up and get to work on digging in deep, and sorting out your future. X

@Icepinkeskimo Thank you for sharing your experience.
I am thinking of moving out for few days out of this environment I could not focus on my children yesterday evening as I was sad and was in different world.
After clearing my mind , I will focus on getting separated.

I managed to get couple of hours sleep. Wow this feeling of emptiness hurts and I have never felt this lonely. I don't want to share this with my mother or sister. Why am I feeling embarrassed?

Embarrassment is part of it. I was so embarrassed by my exH actions and used to make excuses for him! I knew deep down about the affair and didn't want to face it.
Do you know what? I wish I had left him years before. My life would have been so better but like you I had three small children and did not want to split the family up! However, a happy mum and dad is more important to them. Please take the step. Just even fishing local women is enough for you to know what's going on. Deep down you know it .
Be strong and good luck!

It does sound like your husband is sleeping with other women and has checked out of the marriage.
It's time for you to get a plan in place and move on.

I would 100% go with your gut instinct and say to him it’s an urgent matter to speak and if he goes to bed in defensive you’ll take that as a yes. He needs to communicate with you and atleast reassure you if this isn’t the case, but all them signs do seem fishy. Could you not follow him up to the snooker club one day? And see if that’s where he genuinely is.

I was too embarrassed to reach out for support because I felt people would judge me, I chose him after all. I married him. What does that say about me? Still to this day I have never told my family but I did eventually tell my friends and it really helped!

If it feels wrong something is wrong. Whether that's cheating or something else (maybe he is struggling with something else) - try to talk to resolve x

He acted like nothing has happening when he woke up. He blamed me that I am on periods and hence acting as maniac. Also said everyone watch women on Tiktok. Five requests, he must have sent it by mistake.
He came so close to face and I ended up ringing police.He didn't hit me but he has invaded my space. Now he is out of the house.
Police is visiting later.

I have tried to communicate it as adult without screaming and shouting.
I feel sad . House is on both our names.

I'm sorry for you.
But please don't leave the house. You and the kids stay put and get him out.
Grab all the paperwork and deposit at your sisters house, get your family on side.
At this point I'd be telling world and building my army.

Sorry to hear he has escalated this with physical intimidation. You’ve 100% done the right thing by reporting him. Don't leave the house - your children don’t need the upheaval. If anyone leaves it should be him. And don’t worry about who paid what if you’re married. That’s the whole point of marriage, you’re supposed to be protected in a situation like this, so get a good solicitor to make sure you come out of this well. He sounds like an arsehole and you’re better off without him, as hard as that feels right now xx

It sounds like something is up with him but from what you've said, I wouldn't be 100% that he was cheating yet. But as a PP said, it sounds like he's fishing.

@Flounder2022 I have found a courage somehow and have told everything to my sister. She was very supportive.

what should i expect from Police after that?

Oh my god. Can you imagine the outcry if a man tagged a woman and started stalking her location? Jesus.

OP: It doesn't sound good at all.. but don't get caught up in the games. Ask him. Simplicity.

@Stevenlincs I couldn't find snapchat on his phone.
he is attractive. Almost 40 but looks like 30ish.
I didn't feel no love from him from few months.

I'm speaking from experience, him being angry and defensive and almost hitting you is a definite sign of cheating. It's him gaslighting you. The trust is destroyed now and I don't think you'll ever get it back . My advice would be to end the marriage as you'll end up becoming a shell of your former self if you don't.

A drunk, pervy, gaslighting, greedy, lying smoker - how attractive ! He offers you nothing that enhances your life. Throw him out and watch your world improve.

I'm ending the marriage but scared how difficult would be to get him out of the house. He told me to leave the house.

Well done on ringing the Police.

Well done also for confiding in your sister. Having someone in your corner is huge and will give you the strength to get through this.

Thankfully you are now in the Police system. Their visit will give you added courage and possibly advice on the next steps.

You’ve started the process by ringing the police and confiding in your sister.

He is crying and apologising. He is begging for another chance. He said he will delete all the apps etc but don't want me to end the marriage. I have come that far in a day, can this be genuine or just another trick ? He said he has not slept with anyone.

Only you can determine that @iamhurt

However, re-read your posts and just hold that fear you felt when you called the police.

Having sex with someone else or not, what is a fact is he has been emotionally cheating on you.