If you’re NC with a family member..

[SpinningFloppa]

Did they accept it and move on or have they still tried to contact you and won’t get the message? Just trying to find out what the norm is here?

They accepted it, apart from a year ago when they turned up on my door step expecting me to have forgotten about it and forgiven them as they wanted to see dc. I sent them away.

I have accepted it . It hurts but life goes on . I can't let it ruin my life . Sitting there wailing and gnashing my teeth is not going to bring that person back into my life .

So far, it’s gone in cycles. Disappearing in a huff because i said we’ve exhausted all options (I’ve tried for many years, suggested different types of therapy, individual/family, different things we could try to heal the damage they’ve done, they won’t even consider it, just head in sand). But then popping up to send me a message that says ‘I love you’ or even better ‘I did the dc’s Christmas presents for the 4th year in a row, which I’ll put in a box because you won’t let me send them’ 🙄

This is the usual pattern in our relationship. They run off and disappear because they can’t deal with the mess they’ve made of their life. Then pop up 3 months later pretending like everything is fine. When I don’t play along, they get pissy and abusive and flounce off again.

The difference since going NC is I no longer try to have a conversation about it, just remind them that we don’t have a relationship anymore and to leave me alone. We don’t live near each other, haven’t seen each other or spoken on the phone in 4 years, they don’t even know our address, so there is very little opportunity for contact.

Some people say to just ignore and not respond, but mine very much interprets no response as all is fine and we’re back to normal. So I respond very briefly to remind them not to ever contact me again and that seems to work better in terms of actually getting them to go the hell away.

They didn't accept it.

I was still getting calls all the time from different people (so, hard to block all these different numbers), some emails. They lived in a different country and even lied to the consulate of that country in the UK to ask them to track me down claiming I was in trouble.

In the end I changed my number, email and ultimately moved to a completely different town. Nobody knows where I am now.

It was similar to escaping an abusing relationship with a partner and not wanting them to be able to track you down.

I was always concerned that someone would turn up on my door step and was paranoid about answering the phone or opening the post.

But I never had a close relationship with any of my relatives to start with. After my father died I distanced myself from my mother and her entire family and want absolutely nothing to do with any of them.

I'm NC with my ex stepdad, who was family. Brought me up from age of 6. I'm still in touch with his family but not him as he has such a negative impact on my life.

He's accepted it, in a still blaming me manner. Nothing changes 🙄

So it’s pretty normal then for them to not get the hint. They have turned up at least 5 times that I know of (in 2 years) but other times I’m not aware of and have been told by someone else, they have also emailed and called me (both ignored)

I went nc with a brother (no love lost at all) about 20 years ago
i went nc with my mother (and by extension the rest of them) 15 years ago
my mother just shrugged and got on with it-or so I thought
over the years she’s sent endless flying monkeys to get in touch and feed back to her what I’m up to-she can’t/won’t use the internet-i just block them/I’m funny about what I’ll share on sm
they really want to know where I live and work so they can show up and harass me but only a trusted few know

It's been about 6 years with my mother and she still tries to contact. Even drives past my house! I just ignore and carry on.

I'm NC with my sister and its great. She's a cunt

DP and I are NC with his M. This us the 2nd and there won't be a third. She has accepted it and we have gone our separate ways. I've no doubt at some point she will be in touch (eventually to ask for money) but our bank is closed once and for all.

I like your style!

Thank you! Won't have anything to do with her nephew but its her loss not the babas. She wished one time when I was pregnant for it to die which ended in a miscarriage so yeah I'll never speak to her again.

I blocked dh's bil and sil 3 years ago but I told dh what contact he had was up to him.
I think it took a while for them to realise.

Dh sends cards and that's it.

Tbf it was an isolated attack but it was malicious and done publicly. When you think you've got on with someone for many years and then realise they're judging you it's quite a shock.
Apparently I'm not good enough.

One of them bombarded me and my partner with texts, calls, emails. And other stuff that I won’t detail here. Another one sends cards at birthdays/Xmas with cheques in, probably to try to show shes the reasonable one. 🙄 She started addressing them to our son when he was 18. We put them in the bin. I contacted her once years ago to ask that she stopped but she continued. When we move house, hopefully that’ll be the end of it.

I'm nc with my sister and to quote @Emmamoo89 it is great. She is an utter cunt. I don't miss her. My life is so much better without her in it.

They have done that with my children sent cards and present I haven’t opened them or given them to my children.

I've been N/C with my parents and maternal side for 23 years.

Most didn't really give a shit about it and had treated me with utter ignorance for years anyway so I highly doubt they noticed.

My mother though, and I use that term loosely as she doesn't deserve the name, god she was a nightmare.

She would ring up and make complaints to my landlord, to the police, she would go to the GP and say she had concerns for my MH, she went so far as to try and get him to section me because I wouldn't tow the line.

I actually left my whole area and moved across the country because when I had DD, and this was 10 years on, she started calling up social services weekly. It was awful. At one point I was convinced I would lose my child as one social worker got quite nasty and said that there was no smoke without fire. She said would be putting forward a case for an emergency order whereby I would need to be watched in a Mum and baby unit with DD. Luckily, DH and his family stepped in, a huge legal letter sent and they left us alone.

Anyway, I was late to social media, but when I first joined Facebook, I saw that my high school was having a reunion for my year group, so I went for the evening. The amount of people who were shocked to see me was ridiculous, my mother had told anyone who she saw in town that I had passed away due to drug abuse and she was heartbroken as she tried so hard to "save me" and she had even remortgaged her house trying to sort me out.

This was all utter rubbish, in fact she remortgaged to try and force the social services to hand her our DD! And of course, solicitors will take anyone's money if they're stupid enough to spend it.

I'm pleased to say that I've heard nothing in about 7 years now, I had actually thought she may have passed away. Sadly, she has now moved on to being nasty about, and to, my Sister's ex-husband and helping to try and stop him having access to their children, despite her being the one who had multiple affairs.

She's utterly nuts, if I didn't hate her so much for how she behaved when I was a kid and the long-term affect this had on me, I would feel sorry for her as clearly she has no life and can't help but try and ruin others.

NC with my mother for 6.5 yrs and LC before that for 1.5 yrs (just after DC2 was born). She’s always been controlling and manipulative but got a lot worse once I had children and I could see she’d probably do the same with my children as they got older - was already starting to see it with my older one.

She’s accepted that I don’t want anything to do with her luckily, but she sends the DC birthday and Christmas presents. They go in the bin.

Luckily I live 250 miles from her so practically zero chance of running into her. (She’s not the type to put the effort into making the trip herself - wants everyone to do everything for her).

I went NC about 7 years ago with my Brother as he was doing something highly illegal and was dragging me into it. I had to severe all ties to him as we have the same surname. I was so stressed out for years when something cropped up and lost lots of sleep. I finally called it quits when I got a letter from the police.

Ive never heard from him since, only via my mother who he spun a yarn too (Oh he didnt know what he was doing, was unaware etc etc). I eventually had to get annoyed with my Mum to shut her up. She does occasionally mention him, and it is her defence of him that makes her heading for NC as well

@highlyrecommendit @Emmamoo89

Another NC with sister here - absolute cuntiest cunt ever. My only regret is not cutting ties sooner!

I've been no contact with an aunt for 30 years. She has never tried to contact me. When I first went NC she started getting herself in the local papers for attention and got her boyfriend who I'd never even met to give me daggers every time he saw me but I didn't actually know who he was so it didn't have the desired effect. It wasn't until afterwards I found out who the man was who kept staring at me on the bus lol

I don't even know if she's alive or dead now. Mind you she was that bitter and resentful that she probably refused to die out of spite.

My brother is NC with me and I do not even know why. He has painted himself as an innocent party but has done horrendous things on me but I figured he is family and one day we will sort it all out. I have been totally excluded from his kids lives and not a word from him in I do not know how long yet have an invite to his wedding which is bizarre. My dp is not on the invite so I am not going as aside from anything I would need him there for support but no idea why I am getting an invite. He has made it clear he thinks I am a person that I genuinely am not. It is hurting everyone in the family. I have finally accepted it though abd wish I had never responded to his disrepect and goading from before as now I am being labelled the crazy one by him.

My sister went NC with me about 2.5 years ago without giving a specific reason.

I was struggling with alcoholism and suicidal feelings at the time. My sister has severe MH issues of her own and I think she simply couldn't cope with worrying about me.

She has never asked me to not contact her, just said "I'll be in touch when I can." I sent her a message just saying "I miss you" about 2 months after her last message. Then after 6 months I wrote her a letter apologising for being in addiction and explaining I was getting sober and hoped to hear from her at some time. (I wrote it with the support of my addiction counsellor.) I don't know if she read the letter but the next time I went on Facebook I realised not only she but also her DH and close friends had all blocked me.

I have not tried to contact her since. Message received loud and clear.

It is a source of great pain especially as we were both NC for many years with both parents. I live in hope that one day we will be back in touch but until then I just have to hope that she is well and supported by her DH and friends.

They sporadically send me birthday and Christmas cards with cheques in (which I dont cash)

Oh she definitely knows why I can understand how difficult it would be to not know why but we had a huge falling out