Can you be a narcissist if...

[OhPeggySue]

...you are sympathetic to someone else crying?

I've been upset and cried and he's just stared at me glassy eyed or rolled his eyes. Someone in his job cried (due to the behaviour of a colleague) and he was sympathetic, relayed the incident to me, thought it was awful etc.

He's loving to his kids (not whilst he was having multiple affairs though), hugs them, dotes on them genuinely etc.

He's the ceo of a global company, so he has no unrealised fantasies about power, status etc. He's never jealous or envious of anyone else re their looks, income, status etc.

He's displayed every other behaviour though...gas lighting, explosive tantrums, sulking, ignoring me, cold and uncaring, verbal and emotional abuse, never apologises, selfish etc.

I'm just confused. Can you really be a narcissist if you're capable of showing empathy to certain people?

OP
See if you can find a counsellor with a special interest in narcissistic abuse to help you unpick this

Can you really be a narcissist if you're capable of showing empathy to certain people? Of course you can, if you want to be seen as the caring good guy in the workplace. You manipulate the situation for your own benefit.

And of course, him telling you all about it is just another way of him making you feel worthless, because it shows that he cares about them, but not you.

Fair enough op I take my questioning the label back. I think sometimes posters on here get distracted asking questions and trying to excuse, sympathise or understand one thing when there’s a huge glaring red flag right next to it that they’re missing.
however I do understand that when his behaviour seems so inconsistent finding a label to explain that can be helpful, because otherwise you might feel like you must be misunderstanding because it doesn’t make sense.
hope you’re able to get the help you need to get away from him either way

So the relationship is over? He’s moved out?

I’d recommend Dr Ramanis YouTube channel, she’s an expert in narcissism. He does sound like a narcissist.

Yes, it's over. He's gone.

Had my first counselling session on Monday. She was good but ill look up a specialist counsellor too. Thank you for the tip.

I fell in love. He's all the things I've previously said. Intelligent, down to earth, funny, good company, no weird hobbies (!!), tall dark n handsome yada yada. Affair not with me. Its been awful for the past 3 ish years in particular.

This 👏🏼