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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stories of them coming back and you'd moved on.

41 replies

januarybooz · 11/01/2023 20:55

Been ghosted and trying to perk myself up with tales of when they came back out the woodwork and you had the pleasure of saying thanks but no thanks...

Or they won you back round but would say that's high unlikely...

Hit me!

OP posts:
HappyCrappyNewYear · 11/01/2023 21:24

I hadn’t moved on to anyone else but he had. Then out of the blue, approx 6 months after we split up due to exH’s shitty and abusive behaviour, he called to tell me he loved me and wanted his family back. I pointed out that is was way too late for that because in his bid for freedom he’d already slept with other women (he’d only actually managed two in 6 months 😆)

januarybooz · 11/01/2023 21:45

Good for you! This is the sort of positivity I need!

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/01/2023 21:48

Yeah I split with this guy in January as he was slow fading me

was pretty sad

then he came back and I was seeing someone else

when You say ghosted ? There is really good Matthew Hussey video of why ghosters come back

worth a watch

cofeetablebook · 11/01/2023 21:50

Ex wife left to "find herself"

She found herself alright. Found herself lonely and in debt. Called months later for a "date".

I politely declined, but geez it was funny.

Icepinkeskimo · 11/01/2023 22:02

After 14 years, I found out about his affair as per the script I was the last to know. I left my beautiful house and managed to scrape a deposit together, smaller house rough area but it was my sanctuary. My heart was broken, but I concentrated on taking every thing one day at a time.
Eight months later, a knock at the door (heads up for anyone else that goes through this be very careful telling “mutual friends” where you are living).
He said “I need you back in my life”
I said “what about ? You’ve split up? And think you can come running back?”
He said “no you don’t understand I’m still with her, but I need you both”

I slammed the door in his face, there was nothing to say, the arrogance of him knew no limits.

Years on, the last I heard he was miserable (but looking back he always really was).
Me? I’m ok.

januarybooz · 11/01/2023 22:04

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/01/2023 21:48

Yeah I split with this guy in January as he was slow fading me

was pretty sad

then he came back and I was seeing someone else

when You say ghosted ? There is really good Matthew Hussey video of why ghosters come back

worth a watch

Ghosted as in never read or replied to my last text so that's that.

How long did it take him to come back? How did he approach it? What did you say?

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/01/2023 22:08

Had you argued ? Was he slow fading you before ? why ☹️?

anyway I’d definately delete number and chat

and remove all social media !

he just sort of popped up and chatted
when I said I was seeing someone he got even keener 🙄

Winemygoodenemy · 11/01/2023 22:14

My ex and I are friends. We dated for 6 months, but he slow faded me and was t a great boyfriend, so I got fed up so ended it. We did sleep together quite a few times over the years and I still had hope deep down - stupid me. But we actually got on, had loads of mutual friends and would meet up regularly with out sex. Suppose I had him in my life either way. He was always dating and had many girls on the go doing the same to them.

I dated but compared others to him. But I then went on an amazing date with my current partner. Totally forgot I fancied male friend. Male friend and I still met up as friends - it was easy transition to me.

unknown to me male friend decided he wanted to give it a go with me and we we’re perfect together. Took this advantage to tell me on a time me and DP were having a rubbish time trying to see each other (distance and work schedules). Shocked me as I would have jumped at the chance a year ago. Now realised that he only wanted what he couldn’t get. Not so close friends now.

januarybooz · 11/01/2023 22:16

Icepinkeskimo · 11/01/2023 22:02

After 14 years, I found out about his affair as per the script I was the last to know. I left my beautiful house and managed to scrape a deposit together, smaller house rough area but it was my sanctuary. My heart was broken, but I concentrated on taking every thing one day at a time.
Eight months later, a knock at the door (heads up for anyone else that goes through this be very careful telling “mutual friends” where you are living).
He said “I need you back in my life”
I said “what about ? You’ve split up? And think you can come running back?”
He said “no you don’t understand I’m still with her, but I need you both”

I slammed the door in his face, there was nothing to say, the arrogance of him knew no limits.

Years on, the last I heard he was miserable (but looking back he always really was).
Me? I’m ok.

Wowzer! That's the definition of a lucky escape! The cheek!!

OP posts:
januarybooz · 11/01/2023 22:17

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/01/2023 22:08

Had you argued ? Was he slow fading you before ? why ☹️?

anyway I’d definately delete number and chat

and remove all social media !

he just sort of popped up and chatted
when I said I was seeing someone he got even keener 🙄

No argument... were seeing each other for 5 months... went out a few weeks ago and yes, probably a slow fade and then a hard fade!

OP posts:
RenovationsUnderway · 11/01/2023 22:22

This is all 20 years ago.
He ended it. He couldn't commit. he wanted to sow his oats. He was early 30s. His plan was to go travelling in Europe and shag around.
He came back from Europe after just a couple of weeks, I suspect cos he couldn't get laid. (He is unusual looking.) A while later he got a mutual friend to tell me he'd made a mistake and he wanted me back. I pretended not to understand what was being said.

By then, I was well over him: didn't really fancy him; he had tended to take me for granted and never wanted to go anywhere or do anything.

Since then, he's texted me several times a year, every year. Two years ago, he said he owed me an apology. I pretended I didn't understand. He regards me as the one that got away. I don't feel the same about him.

RavenclawsPrincess · 11/01/2023 22:24

Ex of mine, we split up after a year because he “wasn’t ready to commit”. He moved abroad, a year later I met DH. We stayed Facebook friends, but otherwise after we split not much contact. He married a woman he met abroad. He then came back to the UK for a visit a year or so ago, gave me the shock of my life when he said he’d never stopped thinking about me and wishes he hadn’t been such an idiot 15 years ago and thinks he let the love of his life go! We are both married, nothing happened or is going to happen. It might all be bullshit and he’s just another bored middle aged man and was trying to get a bit on the side, I dunno! But it was a nice ego boost in a way! 🤣

GentlemanJay · 11/01/2023 22:29

It's happened a lot to me. If we've left each other on good terms then that's fine. If they've messed me about in the slightest bit I enjoy "revenge is a dish best served cold".

fairgame84 · 11/01/2023 22:30

13 years on and off with DS's dad and he decided to move to Spain, expecting me and DS to go with him. We didn't.

6 months later he'd heard along the grapevine that I was in a new relationship. He drove from Spain and turned unannounced at my door at 9pm one night. He was shocked when I refused to let him in and when he asked where he was supposed stay i told the cheeky fucker to go and bother his mum. He messaged the next day to say he was going to propose me and I'd messed it up and would regret it. I haven't heard from him since, that was 3.5 years ago. I have no regrets.

Gunpowder · 11/01/2023 22:41

I had my heart completely broken in my mid twenties. A few years later he sent me a message on Facebook asking how I was and hinting at meeting up. I took great pleasure in telling him I was getting married that month. He sent more messages suggesting we see each other but I just didn’t reply to those. It was very satisfying.

Worriere · 11/01/2023 22:45

RenovationsUnderway · 11/01/2023 22:22

This is all 20 years ago.
He ended it. He couldn't commit. he wanted to sow his oats. He was early 30s. His plan was to go travelling in Europe and shag around.
He came back from Europe after just a couple of weeks, I suspect cos he couldn't get laid. (He is unusual looking.) A while later he got a mutual friend to tell me he'd made a mistake and he wanted me back. I pretended not to understand what was being said.

By then, I was well over him: didn't really fancy him; he had tended to take me for granted and never wanted to go anywhere or do anything.

Since then, he's texted me several times a year, every year. Two years ago, he said he owed me an apology. I pretended I didn't understand. He regards me as the one that got away. I don't feel the same about him.

I love the pretending not to understand 😅 how does that work in practice? Does he not just explain himself further?

RenovationsUnderway · 11/01/2023 23:11

Worriere · 11/01/2023 22:45

I love the pretending not to understand 😅 how does that work in practice? Does he not just explain himself further?

Oh I just sound vague and change subject or say something banal like "such is life". He knows it's a No.
Even 20 years ago when we were still together, his friend said to me, "the trouble with him is he always wants what he hasn't got". That might explain why he used to pick up the remote control when we were having sex Grin

amispeakingintongues · 11/01/2023 23:23

fairgame84 · 11/01/2023 22:30

13 years on and off with DS's dad and he decided to move to Spain, expecting me and DS to go with him. We didn't.

6 months later he'd heard along the grapevine that I was in a new relationship. He drove from Spain and turned unannounced at my door at 9pm one night. He was shocked when I refused to let him in and when he asked where he was supposed stay i told the cheeky fucker to go and bother his mum. He messaged the next day to say he was going to propose me and I'd messed it up and would regret it. I haven't heard from him since, that was 3.5 years ago. I have no regrets.

The txt he sent you is hilarious and ridiculous I actually lol'd, what a prat he sounds!

Some men, honestly.

amispeakingintongues · 11/01/2023 23:32

10 years ago I was seeing a guy who I was absolutely crazy for (he was FIT AF, great job, polite, creative) but after 6 months or so he ghosted me and it hurt like hell. But looking back I kinda self sabotaged the relationship and wasn't ready for something serious as I had some major issues to sort. Of course a few months down the line he reached out a couple of times and offered to explain himself but i shut the conversation down half because by that point i was so angry he'd ghosted me that I didn't care what his excuse was, and also partly because i was scared he'd tell me something I didn't want to hear.

Sometimes relationships just aren't right for us and better off left in the past x

januarybooz · 12/01/2023 07:03

These are great!

OP posts:
BCBird · 12/01/2023 07:11

Can't believe the man who said he needed two women in his life. What a bloody cheek.

Tearsndears · 12/01/2023 07:14

BCBird · 12/01/2023 07:11

Can't believe the man who said he needed two women in his life. What a bloody cheek.

Not uncommon. Ex BIL wanted to be with my sister in the week and be with his OW on weekends ! He was soon told his fortune . Also it's not uncommon for a man to sleep with or try to sleep with Ex after he has gone off with another woman .

januarybooz · 12/01/2023 10:35

Anymore for anymore?

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/01/2023 10:54

Well I suooose the chap I’ve just ended with
major issues and avoidant

he went awol for three weeks once

but he always pops back up

this time I’ve ghosted him 😔

Aussiegirl123456 · 12/01/2023 12:33

Mine’s quite good.
My teenage love. We were so, so close and I honestly thought I’d marry him. We had been together for just over five years. I was 19 (yeah, I know), and was doing a work experience placement through uni at a law firm in London. He said he’d meet me at Liverpool St one Friday after work, and we’d travel across London together to get the Eurostar to Paris for the weekend like we’d done a few times. He’d got the tickets and booked a hotel and dinner for the next night. Had missed me all week, texted and called daily while I was staying in London. It was Valentine’s Day, 2003, or the day before valentines, can’t remember exactly. I remember it was freezing cold though as I waited…and waited.

He had ended up getting a plane back to Australia to see his parents because his father had told him that I was too young and too ambitious to settle down and have a family. He didn’t tell me this until years later. He also didn’t tell me he’d gone back to Australia. I found that out from his best friend, who was amazing when I called him crying thinking my boyfriend had been killed or abducted or whatever.

I didn’t hear anything from him. In July he was in the local paper (he isn’t famous but comes from a super wealthy aristocratic family) about to have the “wedding of the year”. By which time I was already falling for his best friend, who I’m still married to today.

His marriage ended as quickly as it started. He left voicemails before and after his wedding but I didn’t listen to them. I met him years later, he and my husband remained friends but drifted apart. We were in the uk and he was in Aus.

When he eventually caught up with me, is when he told me what his dad had said. That is also why he married the older than me woman because he thought she was old enough to settle down and have children. Apparently she wasn’t, she was wild. Ironically by the time we had caught up, I was settled down, married and had children.

He told me he loved me and always had. I told him I’d moved on.

He is married now to my look alike but she’s pretty crazy. She really really bosses him about and spends so much money! He still gets in touch sometimes to tell me he’s always regretted what he did. How my husband is living his life. He has kids now. I asked him the last time I messaged him back what he’d do if someone did to his daughters what he’d done to me. I’ve forgiven him but I’ve definitely moved on. I’m very glad it happened because I’ve married the best man on the planet.

Sorry that’s long and incoherent, it’s late here in Australia and I’ve been wine tasting haha!

All the best OP