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Original poster

Why is he messaging his ex when he is with me?

41 replies

maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:09

Been dating for 4 months.
He had been kind of seeing this woman for 7 months but from what he said they had a bit of a fiery exchange and he blocked her on WhatsApp.
She then removed him from all social media.
Fast forward 6 months and we started talking and been dating for 4 months.
He was at mine on Saturday and listening to his fav band and was on his laptop.
He fell asleep on the laptop and as I was putting it away I noticed he was on fb.
He had messaged his ex saying "at least you found a good band through me"
And looking through messenger he had spoke to her a few times over the past week.
It must have been on his phone as there is were pics.
Random stuff of his takeaway and telling her his ex was letting him take his son on holiday this year.
Then further up he had said "I bet you regret removing me off your social media now"

Does this mean anything ?
Would you be annoyed ?

OP posts:
Original poster
maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:10

P.s she's really attractive and I'm trying not to be insecure but he searched her name to send her a message didn't he

OP posts:
Lordofthebutterfloofs · 09/01/2023 20:12

Grow up

Original poster
maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:15

Why reply just to be arsey?
Is there any need

OP posts:
Spoonfulofchamps · 09/01/2023 20:15

Think about if you were messaging your ex... why would you be? And how would he feel?

fatherfintanstack · 09/01/2023 20:15

Yes I would be annoyed. This isn't a breezy new year catch up, it's pass-agg needling about the end of the relationship. Did he initiate the chats?

Original poster
maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:17

It was more a continuing of a conversation
Saturday morning he replied to her then she didn't reply ...then he sent another text about the band they both liked and she replied.

OP posts:
Original poster
maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:17

He text her around 10 hours after her no reply

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 09/01/2023 20:17

i don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel annoyed / jealous. Fair enough if a reason to contact her but seems a bit random he’s messaging her and I’d be suspicious of this

5128gap · 09/01/2023 20:17

So he has the one ex who he's messaging on the sly, plus another ex who has his child? Too much baggage for me I'm afraid.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 09/01/2023 20:17

If he needs his ego stroked off an ex make him your ex...

hoppityscotch · 09/01/2023 20:19

He fancies her obviously.

Luckily for you it's only been 4 months so just move on and find someone better, won't be hard he sounds awful

BrewandBiscuit · 09/01/2023 20:21

And what grown man falls asleep at his laptop when he’s with you? Raise your bar off the ground op

AnyFucker · 09/01/2023 20:21

Surely it’s obvious ? 😵‍💫

HarperHelper · 09/01/2023 20:21

It’s obviously a Red Flag and not a “grow-up” situation. I think I would just come clean and tell him what you saw and without getting needy and hysterical ask him what he wants and is he looking at getting together with her if he is given the opportunity? Does it look like it’s on the cards? Some women will flirt with a man for attention who have no intention of ever getting together with him. I think you need to discuss where you relationship is and how serious it is as you may be taking it more seriously than him. I personally wouldn’t want to stay with someone who is still messaging and flirting with other women. But obviously that’s up to you.

Rumpelstiltskinsmum · 09/01/2023 20:22

In the bin

LaLuz7 · 09/01/2023 20:22

Sounds like he's (at least) keeping her as a backup option in case you two don't work out.

I would not be impressed. Ongoing chats with a recent ex, for not good reason would make me feel a little uncomfortable too.

Original poster
maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:23

I don't think he was flirting
Could it be the band playing reminded him that she liked them and that's why he messaged?
Or am I kidding myself

OP posts:
SuperHandss · 09/01/2023 20:24

I think something fishy is going on & would be suspicious too.

I’m basing that on the fiery relationship & all the drama. Maybe he enjoys it.

SuperHandss · 09/01/2023 20:24

maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:23

I don't think he was flirting
Could it be the band playing reminded him that she liked them and that's why he messaged?
Or am I kidding myself

Ask him. Simply ‘are you still in touch with any of your ex’s?’

hoppityscotch · 09/01/2023 20:30

maybeiwouldlukeyou · 09/01/2023 20:23

I don't think he was flirting
Could it be the band playing reminded him that she liked them and that's why he messaged?
Or am I kidding myself

Yes reminded him of her and how much he fancies her

DatingDinosaur · 09/01/2023 20:32

He’s either not over her or he’s not done with making sure she knows what a great catch she’s lost.

If they haven’t got children together, there’s no need to be chatting like that with an ex. If they get on that well, why did they split up.

I wouldn’t be impressed. Especially as he seems to be the one instigating the conversation? That reads like he’s still chasing her or trying to win her back.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/01/2023 20:32

5128gap · 09/01/2023 20:17

So he has the one ex who he's messaging on the sly, plus another ex who has his child? Too much baggage for me I'm afraid.

Yep, this is what I think.

supercali77 · 09/01/2023 20:32

Interestingly there's another thread atm on this board by a woman asking what it means when an ex say 'bet you regret it now' that she removed him from social media. And something to do with a band I'm sure

tigerbearr · 09/01/2023 20:34

supercali77 · 09/01/2023 20:32

Interestingly there's another thread atm on this board by a woman asking what it means when an ex say 'bet you regret it now' that she removed him from social media. And something to do with a band I'm sure

Yeah I read that earlier on too.
I kind of wondered if it was the same person from the way both posts were written...

supercali77 · 09/01/2023 20:34

@tigerbearr Same here

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