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Relationships

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Original poster

When he says he 'wants a break'..

44 replies

blueberrypie29 · 09/01/2023 16:45

Does this usually mean the relationship's over? Been having arguments on and off lately but this has come out of the blue. Been together just over a year, not living together, both divorced, he has 2 DCs. Have had lots of good times but both feeling the strain lately due to various pressures. Says he needs a bit of time and space to think things through, we've both said we wouldn't be seeing other people during this time. I'm devastated as we have always been able to work through things previously, feel like I've taken him for granted.

OP posts:

80s · 09/01/2023 16:53

Probably ... a year is a very short time, especially when you're not living together; quite early for recurring arguments or needing to work through things. Maybe you're not very compatible?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 09/01/2023 16:55

Ow.
He wants to sample what it would be like with her before choosing for certain...

sammylady37 · 09/01/2023 16:57

Together just over a year and already multiply things that you needed to work through?

80s · 09/01/2023 16:58

@Eastereggsboxedupready that occurred to me too, what with "out of the blue" and recent arguments.

Dodecaheidyin · 09/01/2023 16:58

Eastereggsboxedupready · 09/01/2023 16:55

Ow.
He wants to sample what it would be like with her before choosing for certain...

I'll be surprised if it's not that. Men very rarely want to leave to be on their own.

upfucked · 09/01/2023 17:00

He wants to see someone else or many other people but wants to keep you on the back burner in case no one else wants him.

80s · 09/01/2023 17:00

Men very rarely want to leave to be on their own.
Also often true - but he doesn't live with OP so "leaving" is not that complicated, and he's already semi-"on his own".

KatherineJaneway · 09/01/2023 17:03

What are your arguments about?

Oopsiedaisyy · 09/01/2023 17:09

If you feel you have been taking him for granted I suspect there is something he hasn't been getting from your relationship, and he may have thought about finding this elsewhere. Not necessarily sex, but good relationships make us feel good about ourselves, needed, wanted... If that's missing it's dead in the water

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 09/01/2023 17:14

Sounds like he's too scared of commitment and too cowardly to end it outright.

adriftabroad · 09/01/2023 17:18

Letting you down kindly.

Puppers · 09/01/2023 17:26

A year is still early days. You should be having so much fun and still in the honeymoon phase, getting to know each other better. You don’t live together yet and presumably he’s not rushed to involve you with his kids so things should be easy and stress-free. If you’re finding the relationship stressful and are experiencing issues that need “working through” at this stage, I’d be calling it quits. That’s before you even consider the fact that he apparently deals with relationship conflict by walking away, supposedly temporarily.

Hearmeout · 09/01/2023 17:28

He is letting you down gently - he wants out but potentially wants to leave the door ajar in case he realises that he misses you more than he wants to be away.

If you don't think you'll have the emotional resilience to give him some space for this, I'd end it completely now. In fact, I'd end it completely now (on adult and cordial terms) because that would be your best chance of coming back together with this guy further down the line (should you want to). If you fight 'the break' it will get emotionally messy and stressful - nailed on.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/01/2023 17:33

That’s slang for wanting a shag somewhere else. And after a year? Not a good sign, sorry op.

BigHeadBertha · 09/01/2023 17:40

I'd take it as him wanting to get out of the relationship while avoiding the drama that can come about with a straightforward break up.

MermaidEyes · 09/01/2023 17:50

The fact that you've only been together a year yet have already had lots of arguments and needed to work through things says to me there's been issues in the relationship for a long time and most likely isn't going to last. The first year or two are usually the honeymoon period with little to no problems, they only set in after some time together.

DelphiniumBlue · 09/01/2023 17:52

Why won't you be seeing other people? That's ridiculous.
And what is a break? IMO either it's on or it's off. If it's off you don't hang around waiting for him to decide if he wants to be with you or not.
Tell him that actually you will see other men if you want to, either you are in an exclusive relationship or you're not .
Or tell him to fuck off.

Dery · 09/01/2023 18:24

“The fact that you've only been together a year yet have already had lots of arguments and needed to work through things says to me there's been issues in the relationship for a long time and most likely isn't going to last. The first year or two are usually the honeymoon period with little to no problems, they only set in after some time together.”

This with bells on.

Original poster

blueberrypie29 · 09/01/2023 18:53

I know it's easy to take the blame but I can by overly critical at times and anxious. My last relationship was toxic and it turned out he'd kept a massive whopper of a lie from me, I had counselling after that and had a year single before dating again.

Current partner has quite a toxic relationship with exW (divorced 5 years ago, I'm first woman introduced to DCs) and there have been a few times where I've had to suggest he puts boundaries in place (changing plans and rearranging things at last minute, calling multiple times a day even though she sees them every other day, etc). I've already accepted that I never want to be with a man with children ever again due to the complexities of it and the drama with the exW, which I've done my best to stay clear from. However I have and do make the effort with the DCs and we do have a positive relationship.

The other issue is I would like my own kids one day but can't see it happening any time soon, and age isn't on my side (early 30s). Looking for handhold/anyone else that's been through something similar. I don't want it to end as I love him but if he's willing to put me through this emotional turmoil then I guess he doesn't feel the same about me. Reading it all back it seems obvious that this is the end 😪

OP posts:

WatieKatie · 09/01/2023 19:20

Entirely agree with the wise words from @DelphiniumBlue Don’t sit around waiting for the inevitable call saying that it’s over.

Fandabadobie · 09/01/2023 19:25

Cherchez la femme, then throw him back into the sea

ShandaLear · 09/01/2023 19:38

Would put £10 on him having his head turned. If he was happy with you he wouldn’t want a break, would he?

purpledalmation · 09/01/2023 19:44

If you are arguing after less than a year, give it up. Its the honeymoon phase so (apart from the odd disagreement) arguments shouldnt be happening.

Natalia457 · 09/01/2023 20:52

Sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Is it possible that he just needs some time and space to process how he is feeling?

If you love him and think the relationship could work then I would give him the space he is asking for to let him process and think.

It's easy to jump to the worst conclusions, but maybe he really does just want some space. If you've both been under stress that's understandable.

I know it's easy to say but try to use this time to do some positive things for yourself and consider how you feel too and what you want.