When he says he 'wants a break'..

[blueberrypie29]

Does this usually mean the relationship's over? Been having arguments on and off lately but this has come out of the blue. Been together just over a year, not living together, both divorced, he has 2 DCs. Have had lots of good times but both feeling the strain lately due to various pressures. Says he needs a bit of time and space to think things through, we've both said we wouldn't be seeing other people during this time. I'm devastated as we have always been able to work through things previously, feel like I've taken him for granted.

Sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Is it possible that he just needs some time and space to process how he is feeling?

If you love him and think the relationship could work then I would give him the space he is asking for to let him process and think.

It's easy to jump to the worst conclusions, but maybe he really does just want some space. If you've both been under stress that's understandable.

I know it's easy to say but try to use this time to do some positive things for yourself and consider how you feel too and what you want.

Sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Is it possible that he just needs some time and space to process how he is feeling?

If you love him and think the relationship could work then I would give him the space he is asking for to let him process and think.

It's easy to jump to the worst conclusions, but maybe he really does just want some space. If you've both been under stress that's understandable.

I know it's easy to say but try to use this time to do some positive things for yourself and consider how you feel too and what you want.

Sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Is it possible that he just needs some time and space to process how he is feeling?

If you love him and think the relationship could work then I would give him the space he is asking for to let him process and think.

It's easy to jump to the worst conclusions, but maybe he really does just want some space. If you've both been under stress that's understandable.

I know it's easy to say but try to use this time to do some positive things for yourself and consider how you feel too and what you want.

Sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Is it possible that he just needs some time and space to process how he is feeling?

If you love him and think the relationship could work then I would give him the space he is asking for to let him process and think.

It's easy to jump to the worst conclusions, but maybe he really does just want some space. If you've both been under stress that's understandable.

I know it's easy to say but try to use this time to do some positive things for yourself and consider how you feel too and what you want.

Sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Is it possible that he just needs some time and space to process how he is feeling?

If you love him and think the relationship could work then I would give him the space he is asking for to let him process and think.

It's easy to jump to the worst conclusions, but maybe he really does just want some space. If you've both been under stress that's understandable.

I know it's easy to say but try to use this time to do some positive things for yourself and consider how you feel too and what you want.

Has he said anything about wanting more children?

Honestly, dump him. Life's to short to be pissed about by a guy who uses such a predictable cop out x

It's the coward's way out.

Hey

If you don’t have kids and want kids
I’d be very VERY careful here

he’s very and understandably tangled with his ex
my ex moved to another country so it’s clean
I can’t see him embracing another child TBH

I’d really think hard about dipping your foot back in that dating lake

if he wants break say ‘ok , we need a break . But a break needs to be clean so let’s reconnect in a month and see how we feel ‘

get your arse back online and see what else is out there and see what happens ?

not always, but perhaps it should signify the end. My ex wanted a "break" twice in our relationship- in hindsight, these were the times he wanted to get me back under control, using abandonment and then hoovering.
I wish I had simply said "nope, that's the end, bye." the first time. But hindsight after years of counseling has given me more clarity, and more backbone- I would never let someone treat me like this again.

You deserve better than "a break."

I'm devastated as we have always been able to work through things previously, feel like I've taken him for granted.

Why would you feel like this, when HE is the one who has unilaterally decided you are now "on a break"? He seems to imagine he can put you down & pick you up again at will. THAT is taking someone for granted.

Of course it hurts, but ... if you want to take back control, you have the power to finish this relationship properly. To value yourself, to not sacrifice your self-esteem to a man who thinks he can put you in a box & expect you to wait meekly for him.

we've both said we wouldn't be seeing other people during this time.
Oh have WE indeed.
If it was him the led this decision - he's a cheeky fucker.
If it was you - don't be a wet lettuce. When a man discards you, the solution isn't to kowtow to him in the hopes that Being A Good Girl will restore your prince. The solution is to say "sorry to hear it - bye" - because he does NOT get to reject you, & enjoy the security of putting a virtual chastity belt on you.

Nope.. in my opinion a break isn’t an option if you’re in a relationship. Either you choose to work through it and make it better or bin it off. Anyone who wants a break clearly doesn’t want to be with you like they should.

Any number of things could have led to his request. Given the second update and the relevance you put upon the information in it then I am going to suggest the problem in your relationship centres on the behaviour of the ex wife.

You describe her as toxic and have suggested he puts in place boundaries with her. I assume he hasn’t done that and this is causing problems with your relationship.

Unfortunately he doesn’t really have as much scope for doing what you ask as you think. He doesn’t have any control or influence over his ex. The boundaries you want will be for his children and their relationship with their mother. They may not want those boundaries and maybe they aren’t what if best for them. Children often need a parent whether they are inconsistent or not. He could take a stand but it will have consequences and he might have faced those before.

Honestly, imo this isn’t going to change because she isn’t going to change. There is nothing you or he can do about that. She will always be his childrens mother and is in his life forever. If you had a child with him, things are likely to get more toxic.

You said it yourself, in hindsight and going forward you don’t want someone with this kind of baggage.

Maybe you would be great together if he didn’t have children. But he does and it means you can’t have the life you want. Either compromise or look for what you want.

The taking a break sounds like he sees real problems and a need for reflection. You should too. I don’t think the not seeing other people matters, it is what people say. As a pp said if you can’t work this out then that is a sign you won’t work as a couple.

At the very least he's considering ending it. He may genuinely want some time and space to see how he feels about things. That could go either way - either he realises how much he misses you, or he finds he's happier alone.

Some people say they want a break as an easy way to end things. And yes, some people do it to have a fling with someone else. But he's said he isn't going to see anyone else, which he didn't need to agree to if his intention was to.

By asking for a break he’s signifying that he'd like to see if he can manage without you, but with a route back if he decides he can’t..

For me personally it would be the end. If he cant stay and work things through then your relationship will likely end anyway and you’ll have that time hanging on a string agonising over whether he’ll come back. If the relationship isn’t enough for him then thats ok, it’s a choice he is allowed to make, and not a reflection on you as a person. But for him to want you dangling whilst he makes up his mind is disrespectful and a sign of how he values other people.

You are worth more. I would say thanks but no thanks and use this time instead to begin the process of getting over him and starting to build your new life.

Stick with your “I don’t want another relationship with a man with children”

You don’t need that at your age and as you don’t have any yet. Messy.

love fades in time. End it and move on.

You sound like you're maybe someone with wobbly boundaries if your own OP, and possibly a history of partners walking all over you - no judgement here - from what you've posted.

I think you're expectations for yourself are pretty low. You're only 30 and worried you're doomed to life alone with no kids.

I'd say move on from this relationship - too complicated and toxic sounding (especially after only a year) and not what you need.

Start to value yourself more and set higher expectations for relationship partners. Maybe think about having a course of a few therapy sessions to understand how you relate to partners better and get yourself healthy and positive before embarking on dating again and finding a life partner who is worthy of you.

You want your own children and are early 30s. Time to let this one go - too much baggage and issues with the ex - and with issues already don't waste your break time on waiting around.

I would finish it if he said he wanted a break as this is going nowhere as so early on in the relationship and should be the good times and not like this. Take some time out for yourself so you can think clearly. A relationship at the start especially should make you feel good and not so many issues. He should be able to sit down with you and talk about things as that shows maturity and respect and a willingness to save the relationship rather than running. Put your feelings first and make the decision.