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Original poster

DP so rude to me whenever poorly/tired

69 replies

Pureshores · 09/01/2023 07:56

Been together 3 years and don't live together. I have a DC and DP has a DD (ill use DSD). DSD is 11 and currently has tonsillitis and has been really poorly. I've been texting consistently and concerned about her. She now has antibiotics. Anyway DP is the resident parent and hasn't had much sleep as been up in the night with DSD. However DP has just been constantly rude to me. I get DP is tired and has been concerned but I don't get why I'm being spoken to in a bad way when all I've been is comforting.

I went to visit my parents with DC and didn't look at my phone for 1 hour due to taking and playing with DC. DP got in a mood with me for not replying within 1 hour. I called yesterday evening to ask how they both were and checking in as DP had ignored my messages all afternoon asking how they were. DP said on the phone "I'm not ok, I'm tired but is there anything you can do, no!"
I expressed I just called to check in and felt they were being rude. Even after the call I was texting checking how things were. But I just feel when me or my DC is poorly I'm not rude and still ask questions about DP day and I'm pleasant.
This happens anytime DP or DSD is poorly/tired.

OP posts:
yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 09:04

I think your DP is being a prick, she needs to get a grip and appreciate simply having you there to check in 🤷‍♀️

One thing I cannot stand is people who message, and lose their shit over having no reply - if you're busy, you're busy, you shouldn't have to be on pins waiting constantly to see if you're needed 🤷‍♀️ I have a friend and she DRIVES ME MAD with this behaviour, she goes mental if her husband doesn't reply quickly and I've said to her so many times 'he's obviously busy' - but she tries it with me too and I've distanced myself over it.

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 09:09

Sparkletastic · 10/01/2023 09:00

So do the people who have replied see this any differently now they know the DP in question is a woman?

I'm a woman and this sort of behaviour pisses me off whether it's from a woman or man, cannot stand it,
I have a friend who's so bad for it and I've called her out on it so many times, she does it with her mates not just her partner but it's annoying!!

I always say - nobody is responsible for your own happiness/wellness, etc, but you.

If I'm not well or I'm tired I suck it up and crack on with it, the last thing I'm going to do is be shitty with somebody who's simply there for me.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 10/01/2023 09:09

She is clearly not a very nice person. Dump.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/01/2023 09:11

My response would remain the same.

OP - give up on any and all hopes she will change; this is who she is and her abuses of you will continue if you remain with her for whatever reasons.

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 09:11

Pureshores · 10/01/2023 08:42

Dp ignored me yesterday and I stupidly asked if they were annoyed with me. They said yes and apparently I lack any empathy.
Even though I had constantly checked in to see if they were both OK. I then got blocked and then unblocked.
So I told DP I didn't want to speak to them.
Hours later I got sent a pic of DSD asleep on the sofa and a caption saying this is the worst.
It's so manipulative, I'm really angry and I think I'm going to end it.
I have been here before though and haven't ended it, just need to follow through with it.

Yes DP is a women

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this,

For me the simple fact that you've posted this, you've gone through what was said and you're obviously thinking on it a lot - shows you do have empathy.

I don't know what she wants from you at all. You've checked in with her when you've had chance and if that's not good enough, it sounds like her problem, not yours, you have your own priorities and life to think about, you still made time to check in, so she's just being a knob.

barmycatmum · 10/01/2023 09:16

.. telling you that you lack empathy, when you’re the one having an important assessment and they’ve said nothing?

unless there is more good in this relationship, enough to outweigh the behavior mentioned here, I think it would be wise to end this and move on to heal & find a relationship more balanced and nurturing.

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 09:19

Also just to clarify, their child is 11 as in 11 years old?? Not months??

pictoosh · 10/01/2023 09:22

Ugh well, she sounds utterly self-absorbed and rather callous. You'll never have a balanced relationship with her, she's not interested in that. You are there to serve her needs and absorb her nastiness. If you are upset by it, you are attacking her.

She does not see that she should offer much by way of reciprocity or treat you with respect as that is not how relationships work for her. It really is that simple.

NeverGonnaNot · 10/01/2023 09:31

I assumed it was a women due to the use of ‘they’ but it doesn’t make a difference.

I would just send a text once a day and say hope all ok, I’m here if you need me. Then leave the ball in their court. Or back off completely and leave them to it if they are too arsey.

NeverGonnaNot · 10/01/2023 09:31

A woman, sorry.

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 09:48

NeverGonnaNot · 10/01/2023 09:31

I assumed it was a women due to the use of ‘they’ but it doesn’t make a difference.

I would just send a text once a day and say hope all ok, I’m here if you need me. Then leave the ball in their court. Or back off completely and leave them to it if they are too arsey.

I like this approach!
Just check in, be amicable but don't go out of your way x

Original poster
Pureshores · 10/01/2023 10:24

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/01/2023 09:11

My response would remain the same.

OP - give up on any and all hopes she will change; this is who she is and her abuses of you will continue if you remain with her for whatever reasons.

Thank you, I recognise your name from the stately home thread. I've been on there over the years which says alot really as to maybe why I pick these kinds of people

OP posts:
blitzen · 10/01/2023 10:35

It's a LTB from me. You deserve far better. It'll only get worse but they'll trick you into thinking things have improved first to keep you and make you doubt yourself, so the cycle continues.

Original poster
Pureshores · 10/01/2023 10:43

blitzen · 10/01/2023 10:35

It's a LTB from me. You deserve far better. It'll only get worse but they'll trick you into thinking things have improved first to keep you and make you doubt yourself, so the cycle continues.

Yep I feel I've been through the good part of the cycle and thought maybe things are improving. Nope we are back to the bad part again......

OP posts:
Original poster
Pureshores · 10/01/2023 10:45

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 09:19

Also just to clarify, their child is 11 as in 11 years old?? Not months??

Sorry yes DSD is 11 years old

OP posts:
yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 12:10

I read it as though she was 11 months at first and thought maybe that is why your partner is so tired etc!
Well I'm sorry but if the child is 11, your partner needs to get a grip! Yes she will be tired too, but she can talk to the child and the child can understand, it's not like it's a baby/toddler that doesn't understand/communicate - if I'm making sense??

I don't get why she took a photo of said child asleep on the sofa with that caption either, if she's tired and her kid is asleep, she should go to sleep too 🙄

KettrickenSmiled · 10/01/2023 15:03

Pureshores · 10/01/2023 08:42

Dp ignored me yesterday and I stupidly asked if they were annoyed with me. They said yes and apparently I lack any empathy.
Even though I had constantly checked in to see if they were both OK. I then got blocked and then unblocked.
So I told DP I didn't want to speak to them.
Hours later I got sent a pic of DSD asleep on the sofa and a caption saying this is the worst.
It's so manipulative, I'm really angry and I think I'm going to end it.
I have been here before though and haven't ended it, just need to follow through with it.

Yes DP is a women

You will have so much more energy when you remove all this headfucking from your life.

DP doesn't recognise the rudeness. They never do. Even admitted to me that they are always right and hate being told what to do by anyone and wants to do what they want to do.
So ... she's just told you she is a controlling arsehole.
Take back your own power, & finish with her.
Do it by text, then block, because she will bring out all the mindgames in the book - she will want to punish you, & bring you back under her control.

billy1966 · 10/01/2023 16:19

Why are you risking your children by having a relationship with an arsehole.

She treats you badly and you just go back for more.

You need to grow up and find some self respect.

You put your children at risk when you tolerate an arsehole in your life.

This is who they are.

An arsehole.

They NEVER change.

Original poster
Pureshores · 10/01/2023 20:49

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 12:10

I read it as though she was 11 months at first and thought maybe that is why your partner is so tired etc!
Well I'm sorry but if the child is 11, your partner needs to get a grip! Yes she will be tired too, but she can talk to the child and the child can understand, it's not like it's a baby/toddler that doesn't understand/communicate - if I'm making sense??

I don't get why she took a photo of said child asleep on the sofa with that caption either, if she's tired and her kid is asleep, she should go to sleep too 🙄

I think it was manipulative and she wanted me to feel bad for saying I didn't want to speak to her

OP posts:
Original poster
Pureshores · 10/01/2023 20:51

Just received a message saying how sue felt alone and I weren't there, I had no empathy and she feels let down. Then said she needs space.
I'm fuming. So angry. She actually cannot see the way she spoke to me wasn't nice.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 10/01/2023 22:18

Pureshores · 10/01/2023 20:51

Just received a message saying how sue felt alone and I weren't there, I had no empathy and she feels let down. Then said she needs space.
I'm fuming. So angry. She actually cannot see the way she spoke to me wasn't nice.

Drop the rope.

She can't play games with you if you're not responding.
Why are you still pandering to her nonsense?

Suzi89 · 10/01/2023 22:24

You sound really nice caring about your DSD, unlike a lot of the nastiness towards step children I see on this site, but yeah he doesn’t sound very nice. I’ve been very ill recently with covid, then diagnosed with Vit D deficiency so I’ve been miserable but I don’t take it out on my DP, that isn’t normal.

Pinkdaisy2 · 10/01/2023 22:34

Take the power back by ending things now and don’t get into endless conversations about it. End and block! You have done the first bit by realising how dysfunctional the relationship is.

pictoosh · 10/01/2023 22:42

She can see. She just doesn't care.

Suzi89 · 10/01/2023 22:45

pictoosh · 10/01/2023 22:42

She can see. She just doesn't care.

I think OP is a man from his last post. I’m confused as OP was responding to posts about the DP being a man without correcting them.