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Original poster

He updated his profile after our date

50 replies

Hari223 · 08/01/2023 23:23

I'm confused after a great first date with a new guy. We were chatting for a good couple of weeks (matched on Bumble) and met up for the first time a few days ago. There was lots of chemistry and we had a lot to talk about. The date lasted for about 6 hours.

We kissed a lot and it was clear he wanted to take things further physically but I didn't want to. He didn't pressure me and we said we'd talk again soon. He messaged me straight after to check I got home OK. He said during our date that he's looking for a serious relationship.

Since then we've been texting a bit but he hasn't asked me out again and I saw he'd updated his profile (not big changes but a few things) since our date.

Should I just assume he's not really interested?

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 08/01/2023 23:26

It sounds like he is interested but I wouldn’t expect him to stop chatting to other people after one date sadly. Are you two wanting the same things - a relationship or just a fling? He may have been saying one thing and wanting something different.
If you like him then keep chatting to him and ask him out! You don’t need to wait for him to ask you, maybe he’s wanting to see if you’re interested in him.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/01/2023 23:26

If there's no mention of a second date after kissing but no sex on the first then I reckon he was primarily after sex and as he's realised you aren't necessarily going to drop your knickers quickly, he's scanning for what else is there and keeping you dangling in case. Sorry OP

Flittingaboutagain · 08/01/2023 23:29

Should I just assume he's not really interested?

^ yes. After a great first date I couldn't wait to have a second with my now husband and vv. I assume you're in the good enough category and if he doesn't hit it off with someone else (or get sex sooner) he'll be back in touch for a second date.

Slimjimtobe · 08/01/2023 23:31

He wanted sex that first night I would beg and he’s bluffing about the serious relationship

Pinkbonbon · 08/01/2023 23:32

Only looking for sex.

Be aware, often men will string out first dates for hours in order to foster false feelings of intimacy.

Not saying there's anything wrong with long dates. But a first date is a first date no matter how long it lasts.

Iamthewombat · 08/01/2023 23:34

If he was keen, he’d have asked you out again. Lucky escape, OP.

dudsville · 08/01/2023 23:38

I agree with you all.

minticecreamisjustok · 08/01/2023 23:40

Definitely bluffing

Original poster
Hari223 · 08/01/2023 23:44

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess he's looking for a long-term relationship with the right woman and maybe I'm not it. Just makes me feel a bit shit that I'm only good enough for sex and nothing else.

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 08/01/2023 23:45

Hari223 · 08/01/2023 23:44

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess he's looking for a long-term relationship with the right woman and maybe I'm not it. Just makes me feel a bit shit that I'm only good enough for sex and nothing else.

He SAID that he was looking for a long term relationship to coax you into bed with him. Talk is cheap!

KatherineJaneway · 08/01/2023 23:46

Sorry to say but if he hasn't asked you out again, I think he is not that interested.

Isthisexpected · 08/01/2023 23:46

Or he's just looking for sex.

Why does it make you feel bad and not irritated by him? Feeling bad about yourself for this suggests to me OLD isn't a good idea and your self esteem needs some attention.

Summerfun54321 · 08/01/2023 23:48

But have you not asked him for a 2nd date? Neither of you have? Why is this his fault? If you want another date just ask for one.

minticecreamisjustok · 08/01/2023 23:49

It's not you it's him, and like most men on the apps are just looking for sex, tbf most men do state if they want casual on their profiles but some are desperate enough to say anything to get what they want.

Zatroya · 09/01/2023 01:16

You've been on ONE date. Nobody would advise you to stop talking to other men after one date so it's ludicrous to expect him to, or to not be carrying on with his online activity.

Sounds like he's had a lucky escape..

janeseymour78 · 09/01/2023 01:37

I was seeing a guy for 2 months who seemed very keen and then I noticed he updated his profile with new pics. He also took longer to ask me out between dates so I ended it.

I think after a first date it shouldn't take more than a few days tops to ask you out again. I'd see outbthe week first and give him a chance. But don't discount your instincts either, if he only wants sex despite what he says you could get hurt.

DontStopMeNow7 · 09/01/2023 02:19

A first date lasting 6 hours is too intense IMO. Then as a result you’re more interested than us justified; sometimes this is why men are intense. And just because he said he’s looking for a serious relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that’s true - I’ve had guys use that as a line bc it’s what I want to hear and they’re hoping to sleep with me.

Move on from this guy. If he isn’t chasing you it’s his loss. And if he wasn’t being sincere, you’ve had a lucky escape!

Whenharrymetsmelly · 09/01/2023 02:27

Hiddenvoice · 08/01/2023 23:26

It sounds like he is interested but I wouldn’t expect him to stop chatting to other people after one date sadly. Are you two wanting the same things - a relationship or just a fling? He may have been saying one thing and wanting something different.
If you like him then keep chatting to him and ask him out! You don’t need to wait for him to ask you, maybe he’s wanting to see if you’re interested in him.

This! If you like him no need to write anything off or overthink, it's only been one date. Relax 🙂

yellowshoes29 · 09/01/2023 06:36

If he wanted to go out with you again he would have asked for another date. Take control of the situation and move on!

I met my DH online. Don't waste your time with losers.

Pinko1 · 09/01/2023 06:48

If he was interested, he'd have organised the 2nd date asap. I wouldnt waste my time here worrying, its a stupid numbers game and men have a lot of choice here.

pastypirate · 09/01/2023 06:53

Urgh. The profile tweaks is to keep it on the active list so he gets messages. Leaves a bad taste.

Op I wouldn't do date 2. Yuck

Paq · 09/01/2023 07:00

Pinkbonbon · 08/01/2023 23:32

Only looking for sex.

Be aware, often men will string out first dates for hours in order to foster false feelings of intimacy.

Not saying there's anything wrong with long dates. But a first date is a first date no matter how long it lasts.

This in spades.

ShimmeringShirts · 09/01/2023 08:21

Can you not just outright ask him if he’s interested? The worlds a much easier place when people just say what’s on their mind.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/01/2023 08:23

It took him six hours to realise he wasn't going to get any sex. He then went home and put more pictures up to attract other women who might have sex with him. It sounds a really horrible way to live.

mondaytosunday · 09/01/2023 08:28

I met my husband through an introduction agency (not online). He had lined up three dates over a week, and I was the first. He said he felt a connection right away but had already made these dates and as he was just re entering the dating scene after getting divorced decided to keep them, and therefore he didn't call me for a week!
The dates confirmed that the connection he felt was genuine and we were engaged six weeks later.
I'd play it cool and if he asks you out decide whether you want to continue, but I wouldn't write him off just because he hasn't asked you out again straight away. Keep meeting other guys too.

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