Page 2 | He updated his profile after our date

Hari223 · 2023-01-08T23:23:31+00:00

I'm confused after a great first date with a new guy. We were chatting for a good couple of weeks (matched on Bumble) and met up for the first time a few days ago. There was lots of chemistry and we had a lot to talk about. The date lasted for about 6 hours. We kissed a lot and it was clear he wanted to take things further physically but I didn't want to. He didn't pressure me and we said we'd talk again soon. He messaged me straight after to check I got home OK. He said during our date that he's looking for a serious relationship. Since then we've been texting a bit but he hasn't asked me out again and I saw he'd updated his profile (not big changes but a few things) since our date. Should I just assume he's not really interested?

Duckingella · 09/01/2023 08:33

My friends who were online dating seemed to have a lot of blokes looking for sex rather than a relationship;if a bloke was really interested in a woman then he'd likely pursue her to guard his interest;he probably wouldn't mess about in case she thought he wasn't very interested/give her the opportunity to have other dates with other men who she could end up dating instead.

Chuck this one back;there's someone out there for you it's just not him.

Xrays · 09/01/2023 08:33

I’m not sure. It’s been one date. Maybe he’s not sure. I’d hang fire for a few days and see if there’s the offer of a second date.

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 08:36

I mean… he might be checking when you were last active on the app and assuming you aren’t interested.

if you want to see him again, ask him out. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong, updating his profile.

Flounder2022 · 09/01/2023 08:43

I wouldn't have an issue with profile changes/ active profiles after a first date but at the same time always acutely aware the majority of men on OLD are only looking for something physical. Which in itself us not an issue if only they were upfront about it 🤬

Bangolads · 09/01/2023 09:41

There is a rule I’ve followed that has served me well with men, if they want you they will come and get you. Ie you wouldn’t be sat around wondering they would make it clear what they wanted to happen. He wanted sex. Forget about him!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 09/01/2023 10:02

He just said he was looking for a long term relationship to get you into bed.

There have been a few posts recently about women going on first dates that 'go on for hours' end 'with loads of kissing' and then the bloke is never heard from again.

Keep first dates short and sweet. NO ridiculously long dates.. NO loads of kissing. Just stay sober and actually get to know the bloke!

OP - why should you feel shit about not hearing from this bloke again? You've met him ONCE. He doesn't know you any more than you know him.

Raise your bar! He was a complete and utter chancer.

Iamthewombat · 09/01/2023 10:46

The last two posts contain great advice.

Iamthewombat · 09/01/2023 10:51

One of my friends spent 6 hours (yes six hours) on the phone to some bloke she met online. Shared her life story and deepest feelings etc etc. Never heard from him again despite his having made lavish promises about meeting up and saying that she ‘might be the one’ (!!!!) etc.

She was very upset at the time but she now realises that he was scoping her out for no strings fun and realised that his future hours would be more profitably invested elsewhere.

BunchHarman · 09/01/2023 10:51

Hari223 · 08/01/2023 23:44

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess he's looking for a long-term relationship with the right woman and maybe I'm not it. Just makes me feel a bit shit that I'm only good enough for sex and nothing else.

No. He’s not. He’s looking for the complete opposite of that. Hence why he wanted a shag on the first date and hence why he’s dropped you when you declined.

Seaoftroubles · 09/01/2023 10:57

6 hours is way to long for a first date! In future best to stick to a quick coffee to check you are both interested and looking for the same things. Any mention of sex on that first meet and he's telling you what his priority is. He was hoping for sex and you said no so he's moved on to find someone who will oblige. Don't waste any more time on this one O.P

Liveafr · 09/01/2023 11:27

Hari223 · 08/01/2023 23:44

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess he's looking for a long-term relationship with the right woman and maybe I'm not it. Just makes me feel a bit shit that I'm only good enough for sex and nothing else.

You are good enough for a long term relationship, just not with him.
Agree with the others: keep the first date short and casual, a 2-hours coffee, drink or walk in the park, nothing more; and don't get your hopes up after one date.
And you judge a man's interest, not by his words or messages or what he says on his dating profile, but only on his actions.
Unfortunately OLD is cruel and you have to protect yourself.

JudgeRudy · 09/01/2023 11:52

YABU to make him do all the chasing. You chatted for sometime, all good. You went on a date, he was attentive, lots of kissing, good. You said he wanted to take things further (sex) How was he when you declined? How did you leave it?
So you're still talking on line. Could it be he's letting you take the lead because you implied you wanted to take things slowly?
of course he could just be a player who wasnt interested in you at all.....but youre still talking.Why not ask him on a second date and take it from there.

pocketvenuss · 09/01/2023 11:56

What were the updates on his profile OP?

whatthefactuall · 09/01/2023 12:29

He’s still looking for other women. Not saying he should make himself exclusive to you after just one date, but he’s not stopping to see where this goes with you, he’s still actively looking for other dates with other women. Red flag.

Zanatdy · 09/01/2023 12:45

I’ve just started dating someone and we arranged a 2nd date during the first one. Now 7wks in and it’s definitely getting serious and both want a relationship not a fling

dianekeatonsocks · 09/01/2023 13:10

Just ask him if he wants to meet again
he might think you didn’t want him

Iamthewombat · 09/01/2023 13:46

he might think you didn’t want him

Yes, that poor shy man who tried to get into the OP’s knickers on the first date! She should certainly chase after him, make things easier for him.

Dontsayyouloveme · 09/01/2023 13:55

I’ve updated my profile after a couple of first dates… because I knew they weren’t right for me.. and like other posters have said, he was after a shag, and hasn’t asked you on second date since so yeah.. he’s not interested.

Sorry ☹️

Livelifelaughter · 09/01/2023 13:59

When I used Bumble I felt the men were a bit passive, partly I thought because it's the woman who initiates contact. I am seeing a guy for a few months now...he honestly thought I wasn't interested after our first date even though I was crazy about him. I got some chatty messages but he didn't ask for a further date so I had to contrive an excuse to suggest we met (some phony IT problem). Anyway, just ask him, even if you have to make something up...you've nothing to lose.

80s · 09/01/2023 14:01

I thought you were going to say you'd had one date and he'd updated his FB profile to "in a relationship" :D
Would find that more concerning tbh.
He's only met you once. Whatever he made of you, it wasn't based on in-depth knowledge and understanding of your entire character, so it's not worth reading too much into what he does next. (Whether he wants anothr date or not.)

Candleabra · 09/01/2023 14:04

Men who want to pursue a relationship will make sure the next date is discussed and lined up before the end of the previous date. I’m all for equality but if they’re keen they do all the running. (Obviously there are exceptions to this but I don’t think the OPs date is one of them)

Mamma2017 · 09/01/2023 18:40

Candleabra · 09/01/2023 14:04

Men who want to pursue a relationship will make sure the next date is discussed and lined up before the end of the previous date. I’m all for equality but if they’re keen they do all the running. (Obviously there are exceptions to this but I don’t think the OPs date is one of them)

This all day long.

janeseymour78 · 09/01/2023 18:52

Livelifelaughter · 09/01/2023 13:59

When I used Bumble I felt the men were a bit passive, partly I thought because it's the woman who initiates contact. I am seeing a guy for a few months now...he honestly thought I wasn't interested after our first date even though I was crazy about him. I got some chatty messages but he didn't ask for a further date so I had to contrive an excuse to suggest we met (some phony IT problem). Anyway, just ask him, even if you have to make something up...you've nothing to lose.

This is what puts me off Bumble. I imagine it attracts more passive men. That might be a simplistic view but there you go!

DontStopMeNow7 · 09/01/2023 18:55

Personally, if I’m interested in a guy enough to want a second date, me being friendly and open to that idea is all I’m willing to give. If he then does nothing or backtracks in some way, I try to just shrug it off and carry on with my day.

Weekenders · 09/01/2023 19:28

The over interpretation of male behaviour on here is absolutely wild at times.

This guy could be a knob, but the conclusions jumped to are pure guesswork as the info I the OP couldn't possibly support them.

You had a promising 1st date, and would like a 2nd. In that case I'd keep talking to him and see how it goes. It doesn't have to be any more complicated or dramatic than that.