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Original poster

He keeps contacting me

58 replies

Ferne7 · 08/01/2023 23:09

I met a man at a running club about 6 years ago. He seemed to develop an obsession with me. I have been in a relationship for 5 months and this man does not know I am no longer single. I am getting annoyed now as he is messaging me daily. I leave it 24 hours to reply but he is not getting the message. I have never been romantically interested and never will. I love my boyfriend very much. Why do men not get the message and act desperate? I wish he would leave me alone.

OP posts:
DavidTees · 09/01/2023 08:53

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Wolfiefan · 09/01/2023 08:53

This is entirely your fault. You have not told him you’re not interested or that you’re in a relationship. He’s messaging you and you’re messaging him back.

DavidTees · 09/01/2023 08:54

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Flounder2022 · 09/01/2023 08:58

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I am enjoying your useful insight and contributions! Thank you so much 🙄

nc1013 · 09/01/2023 09:01

Thanks, I'm going to tell him I spent the weekend with my boyfriend. It's not fair on my boyfriend as I would not like a woman messaging him daily.*

Surely you'd be more annoyed with your bf if he was replying to a girl he knew fancied him (even if it was 24hrs later) - not only that but he had also failed to mention at anytime over the last 6 months that he now had a gf

Biscuits1011 · 09/01/2023 09:02

Tell him you’re in a relationship and don’t wish to talk to him. If he keeps on, block. It’s simple

Biscuits1011 · 09/01/2023 09:02

nc1013 · 09/01/2023 09:01

Thanks, I'm going to tell him I spent the weekend with my boyfriend. It's not fair on my boyfriend as I would not like a woman messaging him daily.*

Surely you'd be more annoyed with your bf if he was replying to a girl he knew fancied him (even if it was 24hrs later) - not only that but he had also failed to mention at anytime over the last 6 months that he now had a gf

Absolutely this.

shieldmaiden7 · 09/01/2023 09:09

Why are you even replying to him if you know he likes you? That's completely unfair on your boyfriend.

eastbynortheast · 09/01/2023 10:40

If he's not your friend, why are you responding to him? Is he flirting or is he being friendly?

KettrickenSmiled · 09/01/2023 10:54

Ferne7 · 09/01/2023 08:42

Thanks, I'm going to tell him I spent the weekend with my boyfriend. It's not fair on my boyfriend as I would not like a woman messaging him daily.

Show quote history

I despair.

This guy has been pestering you for 6 years & you haven't done anything about it.
It's only now you have a b/f that you are prepared to take a stand against his unreasonable contact?

DON'T hide behind your b/f - stand up for YOURSELF. Tell him it's because you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him. Otherwise all you are owning is "yeah I was fair game for your unwanted advances when I was single, but now another man owns me, you have to stop."

Unbridezilla · 09/01/2023 10:56

But, you are messaging him everyday? And you think he is the one your boyfriend would be annoyed by?!

arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2023 11:19

You have actually been really cruel here op. You have kept him hanging on, and for why? Because you liked the attention? Just in case? Poor guy has wasted so much time. You should have told him you were not interested from the beginning.

Watchkeys · 09/01/2023 15:28

arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2023 11:19

You have actually been really cruel here op. You have kept him hanging on, and for why? Because you liked the attention? Just in case? Poor guy has wasted so much time. You should have told him you were not interested from the beginning.

It's not cruel to respond politely to someone's messages. She hasn't promised him anything, so she can't even be letting him down. His assumptions about her responses are his own responsibility, not hers.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2023 15:38

@Watchkeys the op said in her opening post, the man is obsessed with her. So she knew he fancied her, and for five months hasn't mentioned once in daily messages that she's in a relationship. I'll stick with my verdict - it's cruel.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 09/01/2023 15:48

arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2023 15:38

@Watchkeys the op said in her opening post, the man is obsessed with her. So she knew he fancied her, and for five months hasn't mentioned once in daily messages that she's in a relationship. I'll stick with my verdict - it's cruel.

I agree and I also think OP is enjoying the attention otherwise she'd surely block?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 09/01/2023 16:29

What is he contacting you about? Inappropriate messages? Running? Banal chat? Asking you out?

Greenfairydust · 09/01/2023 17:02

If you don't want him to contact you block him everywhere. It really is that simple.

It doesn't seem like he is using different numbers/emails to get to you, so why haven't you not blocked him yet? why are you replying to his messages?

Of course his behaviour is unacceptable if you have made it clear you are not interested, but you also need to make sure you are pro-active in blocking him rather than maybe to a degree enjoying the attention/drama and keeping the communication going...

PeppermintChoc · 09/01/2023 17:06

gamerchick · 09/01/2023 08:52

Come off it OP.

Tell him you have a boyfriend and close the door. You're being ridiculous.

Absolutely. You’re enjoying this.

Watchkeys · 09/01/2023 18:31

@Ferne7

I think that you need to let him know that you don't want him to contact you any more, that you're not interested in pursuing a relationship with him, and that you're not going to be responding any more. For your own benefit, you might also like to block him.

Some people may think you're cruel in not doing so sooner, but as long as you don't think you're cruel, other people's opinions of you don't matter. Do what's right for you, and don't be horrible to anyone else in the process. If you stick to that, people may occasionally be hurt, but you won't have been cruel to anybody.

TellMeWhere · 09/01/2023 18:33

Tell him, ignore him, block him.

He's not psychic and you reply regularly, so how is he supposed to know to leave you alone? Confused

Original poster
Ferne7 · 10/01/2023 11:02

I agree, I thought I was just being polite then he started contacting me on other platforms 🙄

There is another woman he is obsessed with and pesters too

I told him I went for a meal with boyfriend and he didn't reply so it has stopped. I won't engage with him anymore as it is waste of time and I have no desire to be friends with him.

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 10/01/2023 11:06

Why don't you block him?

Emmamoo89 · 10/01/2023 11:13

Just block him.

BMW6 · 10/01/2023 12:06

FFS you've been in a relationship for 5 MONTHS and you haven't told this "admirer" this fact before now???..

yorkshirepudsx · 10/01/2023 12:08

Ferne7 · 10/01/2023 11:02

I agree, I thought I was just being polite then he started contacting me on other platforms 🙄

There is another woman he is obsessed with and pesters too

I told him I went for a meal with boyfriend and he didn't reply so it has stopped. I won't engage with him anymore as it is waste of time and I have no desire to be friends with him.

But I don't agree with you saying 'pesters'
If in that whole 5-6 years you haven't told him you're not interested then your created a problem, not him 🤷‍♀️

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