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Original poster

Have I heard something different from what he meant?

28 replies

Blushingm · 08/01/2023 11:42

I am really uncomfortable with my looks. I'm a size 20 and 5'9 and I hate it.

I've been seeing someone since April. He rarely talks about how he feels etc

We were cuddling on the sofa the other day (we don't live together). I came out with 'does it bother you I look like this? That I'm not slim & pretty etc'

He has a lovely body I think - not over weight or skinny just nice

He cuddled me and said 'I'll admit, your body type may not be what I'd say I'd normally go for but when I met you, I liked you and I fell in love with you for you. I hope you don't think you have to change to keep me because you don't'

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 11:44

I don't know.

What did you 'hear'?

wishingitwasfriday · 08/01/2023 11:45

What did you expect him to say? Seems an odd thing to bring up if you are then going to over analyse his response

dontpickupthemob · 08/01/2023 11:45

It seems like it bothers you more then your bf.

Seaoftroubles · 08/01/2023 11:49

To me it sounds like a reassuring reply. What did you hope he would say?

Remona · 08/01/2023 11:49

So essentially YOU told him you thought were fat and ugly and he replied saying you were larger than he’d normally go for and somehow he’s in the wrong?

I thought his reply was tactful and kind.

The problem is your self esteem.

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 11:51

This thread is going to be really pointless if the OP doesn't come back soon to tell us what she 'heard'.
I mean it's the whole subject of the thread?!

Original poster
Blushingm · 08/01/2023 11:51

I heard he doesn't find me attractive

And yes it does bother me - I hate how I look. For example my 1st pic I ever had with my kids they were 14 & 10 because I couldn't bear how I look

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 11:53

Blushingm · 08/01/2023 11:51

I heard he doesn't find me attractive

And yes it does bother me - I hate how I look. For example my 1st pic I ever had with my kids they were 14 & 10 because I couldn't bear how I look

It's a you thing then.

You were fishing for compliments and you got honesty.

There's nothing wrong with what he said. What would have been an 'acceptable' reply to you?

purpledalmation · 08/01/2023 11:53

It was a lovely and honest thing to say. Would you have preferred him to say..you have a beautiful slim body, I don't know what you mean? At a size 20 you know you are in the curvy side so did you want him to lie.

LadyWithLapdog · 08/01/2023 11:54

For an off the cuff response, I mean in person rather than having time to craft it in a message, that was really sensitive and sweet. But I don’t know him as you do. It sounds ok to me.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/01/2023 11:54

Would you have believed him if he said he thinks you’re gorgeous and exactly his type?

TerraNostra · 08/01/2023 11:55

He absolutely finds you attractive- you, the whole package. What he is saying is that he would not necessarily have been attracted to you if all he had to go on was physical looks. But who wants a man that shallow anyway?

Doyoumind · 08/01/2023 11:55

He was honest and I think it was a pretty good response. Would you have preferred it if he had said he was consciously looking for a size 20 woman? How could he have answered 'correctly"?

Original poster
Blushingm · 08/01/2023 11:56

I don't know what I expected him to say

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFliessssss · 08/01/2023 12:00

It's not a good idea to ask people to comment on things you're particularly sensitive about.

Mamette · 08/01/2023 12:00

He said he’s in love with you, that’s what I hear from it.

Would it have been better if he said, “no I have a type and you fit that type so I went for you. Your personality and self are secondary to some ideal blueprint I have in my mind”?

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 12:00

Most of us have a 'type'. In the past 'overweight' wasn't his type but he saw past that and fell in love with you.

If he'd lied and said all his past GFs were overweight, you'd be on here upset that he lied to you.

Just relax and enjoy the relationship.

Ineedtosleep79 · 08/01/2023 12:05

He can still find you attractive but think you're overweight.

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 12:12

He's said you're not his normal type but you don't need to change for him, which means he's attracted to you for a variety of reasons, not just the way you look.

If your size bothers you, do something about it, but don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

Watchkeys · 08/01/2023 12:38

How he makes you feel is what's important, not whether you had the 'correct' interpretation. Being able to understand a person in the way they want to be understood is a sign of compatibility. Questioning yourself about whether you 'get' them or not is a sign of incompatibility.

If you're having to 'ask the audience' how to interpret your partner, I'm wondering what stops you asking him, and thinking that that indicates a communication problem, and that what you think is the problem (i.e. this conversation about how you look) is actually a symptom of a bigger relationship issue.

People who communicate well aren't here on a forum asking strangers what their partner means about anything at all.

christmaslover88 · 08/01/2023 12:57

Honestly you should never ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to. If you're particularly sensitive about your size don't ask your partner how he feels about your size, you're just setting yourself up to be hurt. I think he answered in the best way he could but by asking the question you were setting him up to fail. Not sure anything he said would have made you happy so you shouldn't have asked, it was a trap from the beginning

welshrabbits · 08/01/2023 13:02

There was absolutely 'correct' no answer he could have given to this.

I think you are beautiful - he's inferring you aren't and that other people couldn't think you are.

I think you are beautiful - you think he is lying because you don't think you are

I like your weight - he wants you to be unattractive to others or he wants you unhealthy

Adviceneeded200 · 08/01/2023 13:06

I actually interpret this as a kind, honest and loving comment.

I think it's fair to discuss things that aren't healthy - anything not just weight. And he tried to reassure you too.

You might not like hearing it and will have interpreted it using your own feelings about yourself. But I don't think it's unreasonable for his to be honest with you. Sometimes we do feel uncomfortable with the truth.

So are you happy? Or are you not, as he is likely to support you either way.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 08/01/2023 13:09

I think he gave the best possible answer he could to a really awkward, difficult question!
Also, if you are really unhappy being a size 20 then do something about it. Losing weight is hard but worth doing if it makes you feel happier about yourself.

LaLuz7 · 08/01/2023 13:13

His answer was lovely. Honest but reassuring.

He's told you he's falling in love with you.

If he's with you, he finds you attractive. Men don't commit to women they don't want to fuck. Easy as that.

I don't think you have anything to worry about and I think he handled a very loaded silly question very well.

If you want to stop feeling insecure and second-guessing him, then try losing weight. This insecurity is coming from inside, it's not grounded in his behaviour. So it's on you to fix it.

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