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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can I win my partner back?

44 replies

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 10:08

Hi l'm 38 and my girlfriend is 35 we've been together for almost 4 years and have kids from previous marriages.

A couple of days ago she came across 2 photos i'd liked on IG of a girl I know wearing sexy underwear. It was 2 photos out of 1000's one photo was earlier last year and the other almost 2 years ago, I don't remember liking them and there was certainly nothing in it. My gf has ended things with me over this as she believes there's more to it and says I'm not the person she thought I was.

No matter how hard I try I can't convince her otherwise, she's totally blocked me on all platforms so I can't contact her, so I'm not sure the No contact thing will even make a difference to her. I'm not sure what to do.
Other than this incident we had a very good and loving relationship, it makes it harder to accept that she'd throw it away over this. It's not even been 48 hours since she found the 2 photos I'd liked. I'm hoping she'll calm down and see sense and realise the person I am isn't defined by me liking 2 photos. I'm not sure though, she dropped all my stuff off at my front door early this morning.

I'm at a total loss as of where to go from here or what to do next. Any help or advice would mean the world to me. Apart from this we've had no major issues and an otherwise healthy relationship.

OP posts:

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 07/01/2023 23:36

Are you saying your girlfriend looked through your IG to see who you follow, selected this one particular woman then scrolled through 1000s of her photos, spanning years, to see if you'd liked any of them?

2 likely scenarios here:

she has reason to be deeply suspicious of you
this is bullshit and she broke up with you for another reason.

lovechickencrisps · 07/01/2023 23:46

I'm sorry, she's only recently become a model but you liked pictures of her two years ago?

I think your ex has lost respect for you. It Looks as though she has enough self respect to follow through with her actions. Good for her!
Either that or she's a complete drama queen and will be calling you tomorrow and attempting to get things 'back on track'.

For what it's worth IMO I'm sorry but she deserves someone who treats the relationship with respect and if she feels she doesn't get that from you, then she should leave you blocked and get on with her life.

tappinginto2023 · 08/01/2023 00:39

She probably thinks you are a sleezy old man and has got the ick.
It's very difficult to come back from the ick so she's done the right thing and set you free.
You can perv as much as you like now. Win.

YouTarzan · 08/01/2023 00:48

I don’t enjoy looking at photos like that

I don’t believe you and I bet she doesn’t either!

jayhoo · 08/01/2023 00:48

If you've known this person for over 20 years she isn't a girl, she's a full blown adult woman.

Agree with others though, this sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back

maybeinanotherlife22 · 08/01/2023 01:08

LotteryWinPlease · 07/01/2023 10:09

Finally. A woman with self respect 🏅

❤️

maybeinanotherlife22 · 08/01/2023 01:10

I have been through this and it makes a women feel all kind of worthless feelings . It's not a nice place to be and I know a lot of women on here will say they are cool with it blah blah. But I'm
Not and loads of others woundnt be either .

maybeinanotherlife22 · 08/01/2023 01:11

Forgot to add before pressing done that in my case my ex was addicted to porn so it is a massive trigger to me so it is something I would do . But if that's not the case maybe there are other things going on with her .

maybeinanotherlife22 · 08/01/2023 01:12

shieldmaiden7 · 07/01/2023 23:27

If the girl only recently became a model then how was one of the photos you liked almost 2 years ago?

It would be a deal breaker for me too purely from the shit I've gone though in the past and swore I would never put up with again.

❤️

MMmomDD · 08/01/2023 01:13

Your GF clearly didn’t break up with you over two likes. Something wasn’t working for her and she just used that as an excuse.
There was a reason why she decided to snoop on your IG. Happy people don’t do that, unless she is usually irrationally jealous.

Personally - I think you are better off without someone who behaves like this in a relationship. If she wasn’t happy - I think after being with someone for 4 years - you should have a common decency to at least communicate your unhappiness. Instead - she threw a tantrum and left. Juvenile, to say the least :

Herejustforthisone · 08/01/2023 07:44

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 23:15

I’ve known the girl for over 20 years only recently has she became a model. I don’t follow anyone else that’s a model or posts pics like that.

You liking pictures of a woman that you know in her underwear is vastly different to liking pics of anonymous Insta model. What’s your history with this woman?

Your ex partner has strong boundaries. I respect her for it and I suggest you do too.

JoanCandy · 08/01/2023 08:27

I don’t see that you have much hope of ‘winning her back’, OP … it seems like she means it.
Maybe you’ll be more mindful in future when you go looking at and ‘liking’ raunchy photos of women that aren’t your significant other.

Divebar2021 · 08/01/2023 08:35

How did she even know that you liked the photos? Does she monitor what you do on social media.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 08/01/2023 08:45

Divebar2021 · 08/01/2023 08:35

How did she even know that you liked the photos? Does she monitor what you do on social media.

This. I wouldn't have the faintest idea of who my partner had "liked" on socials because I'm not a controlling loon.

Campervangirl · 08/01/2023 08:57

I'm with your gf on this.
You're scrolling through insta looking at women in their underwear and liking the pictures, even if it's only two.
Why do you feel the need to look at those pictures?
Do you realise that liking a photo sends a clear message to your gf, that you want the other woman to see that you like her photos.
It's disrespectful to your gf, she probably feels compared to the other woman.
No woman wants their oh scrolling through insta liking photos of scantily clad "insta ready" women whilst she's probably in her PJs after a day of work and looking after the DC and there you are, the man who's supposed to love and desire her is sat looking at and liking other women.
Yep, totally disrespectful, your gf has excellent boundaries, she clearly knows her worth.
She's now free to meet someone new who respects her.

baileys6904 · 08/01/2023 09:45

You've posted on the wrong forum. This is more for women that have been treated like shit by the men they loved and that experience has built their response.

However for me, I don't go through my partners Instagram or twitter although if u found some likes on models in underwear it would not bother me in the slightest. You get these pictures on TV, in printed media, it's everywhere. I am overweight, older than them and can not contour to save my life but my partner loves me and treats me amazingly.

To me, if this was the other way round, people on here would screaming about controlling relationships and how out or order you would be for going through the social media. To me, it seems you're well rid

MissMogwai · 08/01/2023 10:14

Has she felt the need to look at your social media connection with the friend?

How would she know you'd liked a photo from a year ago, and another from 2 years ago. That's a long time and likely lots of pictures to go through?! Who'd bother with that, without reason?

If she was controlling over your social media surely she would have clocked them sooner?

Sounds like she's done with the relationship, whatever the reasons.

LaLuz7 · 08/01/2023 10:21

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2023 10:16

She hasn’t dumped you over 2 photos.
No woman in a happy relationship does that

Agreed. She must have had one foot out the door and the pics were just the last drop.

Notaboutthebass · 08/01/2023 11:00

It is disrespectful and it's probably because she thought you were a sleaze anyway. I've finished with a lot of these types in the past. These people don't tend to change and she's not going to put herself through finding out. I say 'good on her'.

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