Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Can I win my partner back?

44 replies

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 10:08

Hi l'm 38 and my girlfriend is 35 we've been together for almost 4 years and have kids from previous marriages.

A couple of days ago she came across 2 photos i'd liked on IG of a girl I know wearing sexy underwear. It was 2 photos out of 1000's one photo was earlier last year and the other almost 2 years ago, I don't remember liking them and there was certainly nothing in it. My gf has ended things with me over this as she believes there's more to it and says I'm not the person she thought I was.

No matter how hard I try I can't convince her otherwise, she's totally blocked me on all platforms so I can't contact her, so I'm not sure the No contact thing will even make a difference to her. I'm not sure what to do.
Other than this incident we had a very good and loving relationship, it makes it harder to accept that she'd throw it away over this. It's not even been 48 hours since she found the 2 photos I'd liked. I'm hoping she'll calm down and see sense and realise the person I am isn't defined by me liking 2 photos. I'm not sure though, she dropped all my stuff off at my front door early this morning.

I'm at a total loss as of where to go from here or what to do next. Any help or advice would mean the world to me. Apart from this we've had no major issues and an otherwise healthy relationship.

OP posts:

LotteryWinPlease · 07/01/2023 10:09

Finally. A woman with self respect 🏅

Allelbowsandtoes · 07/01/2023 10:12

Are you sure that your relationship was good before this? It seems like she was very ready to break things off, she didnt hang around did she?

Don't get me wrong I wouldn't be wildly impressed if my partner was liking sexy pictures of his female friends on Instagram and words would be had, but I wouldn't break up with him over it unless there was more to it than that.

Either way, she's made her wishes Crystal clear and you need to stop contacting her and give her some space. I don't know if she'll want to come back to you or not, but hassling her will only push her away further.

Original poster

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 10:12

I can totally understand your comment, but there was genuinely nothing sinister with the photos I liked. I can’t even remember liking them and have no feelings or anything for the girl in them. It’s not the type of person I am and I don’t enjoy looking at photos like that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 10:15

Yeah I will give her space and not hassle her. Honestly there’s nothing more to it, it was 2 pics out of thousands the girl posted. I have zero interest in her. My relationship with my ex was very loving and affectionate too. We just had an amazing Christmas together and she’d booked a holiday for us. This just came completely out of the blue

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2023 10:16

She hasn’t dumped you over 2 photos.
No woman in a happy relationship does that

Original poster

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 10:22

That’s why I can’t get my head around it. I’ve been in relationships before where you can see it coming or you know it’s not right. Honestly if you’d seen how she’s been with me and how she’s always been with me throughout the relationship, how caring, loving and affectionate. Talking about plans for the future, she filled in a school form the other day and put me as an emergency contact for her children. Those aren’t the actions of someone looking for a way out.

OP posts:

SunflowerTed · 07/01/2023 22:29

there must be more than this - has she had her head turned??

PiccalilliPops · 07/01/2023 22:41

I don’t have any advice other than to say your post is all about you. How you feel and whether it did or didn’t mean this or that. Are you actually thinking how she feels? It might mean nothing to you but clearly it does to her, for whatever reason. You’ve invalidated her feelings because you think she shouldn’t care. Doesn’t work like that.

I’d be super pissed if my DP did this. Means nothing eh but it’s symbolic isn’t it. You think it’s ok to scroll (I’m assuming) alluring pictures of other women AND do a couple of cheeky likes. Just disrespectful at the very least.

AlwaysGinPlease · 07/01/2023 22:43

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2023 10:16

She hasn’t dumped you over 2 photos.
No woman in a happy relationship does that

Agreed.

PiccalilliPops · 07/01/2023 22:44

Has she been cheated on before or has a partner addicted to porn or something. What you did might have been triggering, hence the reaction.

Ghostbuster2639 · 07/01/2023 22:50

I don’t enjoy looking at photos like that.

Give over.

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 22:54

Leave her alone.

She might genuinely think this shit is a deal-breaker or she might have just wanted an excuse to end it. It doesn't matter. She doesn't want to be with you OP. Accept it and try to move on. I'm sorry man.

BuffyTheCat · 07/01/2023 22:55

If she feels disrespected by your behaviour then you’re unlikely to win her back. Especially if you think she’s overreacting.

HappyNewYear2023 · 07/01/2023 23:00

Good for her. Sick of mens shit.

Fmlgirl · 07/01/2023 23:02

You’re 38 years old though. What self-respecting man that age hangs out on Instagram, liking pics of girls in underwear. You must have liked the pics as well, Instagram wouldn’t just say that you liked them, so that’s not an error.

Bet there’s a lot more to the story. I had an ex that age doing similar and I lost all respect for the man.

CongaLine · 07/01/2023 23:07

Liking photos of your friends in their underwear is just plain sleazy.

I'd have lost all respect for you too.

BarbourandWellies · 07/01/2023 23:11

There’s no more to be done, and no more to it. She doesn’t want to be with you and has been absolutely crystal clear about that. I am sorry you’re hurting but you now must respect her wishes.

Bepis · 07/01/2023 23:12

Why have you got girls in underwear on your Instagram? Especially someone you know personally. I would not be impressed if my husband had someone like that on his social media, let alone liking the posts.

Original poster

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 23:13

PiccalilliPops · 07/01/2023 22:41

I’m sorry if my post came across as all about me it wasn’t intentional and I’ve not been thinking clearly last day or so. Of course I’m thinking how she feels, I’ve made the mistake and I need to accept that and take ownership for my actions.

Yes it’s totally disrespectful, I’m not excusing it. It was only 2 photos, doesn’t make it right but I don’t make a habit of scrolling through sites or anything like that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Georgem82 · 07/01/2023 23:15

I’ve known the girl for over 20 years only recently has she became a model. I don’t follow anyone else that’s a model or posts pics like that.

OP posts:

mummabubs · 07/01/2023 23:22

I'm sorry you're hurting OP, but I have to say I'd be really, really upset if my DH had liked two photos like the ones you describe, whilst in a relationship with me. Once, and I could possibly tell myself it was an accidental click. Two, and that's the start of a pattern. I also would find it worse if it was someone that DH knew in real life (like in your situation) and this explains why your partner is likely feeling very hurt and threatened by this. I think you have to be led by her and respect her wishes on this one. She may decide she wants to continue the relationship, she may not. Trust and respect may be damaged beyond repair by this. Maybe think twice in future before liking friend's half naked photos? To your partner it clearly wasn't "only" two photos, as you put it.

shieldmaiden7 · 07/01/2023 23:27

If the girl only recently became a model then how was one of the photos you liked almost 2 years ago?

It would be a deal breaker for me too purely from the shit I've gone though in the past and swore I would never put up with again.

mummabubs · 07/01/2023 23:28

Not that this discounts my previous message above, and actually this likely damns you in your partner's eyes either way... But you say in your OP these two photos of the friend in underwear are only two of thousands that the friend posts: How many of those other thousands have you liked?

I ask that in full acknowledgement that if you've only liked a few, including those two then that doesn't look good. Equally if you like pretty much every post from that person then that would also likely not help your partner's feelings that there might be more to this. I think the key here is trust - for example whilst I would be very angry and upset if my DH did this (I can't imagine him doing it at all!) then I'd like to think our relationship is solid enough that I'd trust he'd never cheat on me, as I never would on him. As others have hinted at, it seems like that trust either wasn't there to begin with, or the trust she thought she had in you has been rocked.

HowcanIhelp123 · 07/01/2023 23:31

Clearly you liking semi-nudes of women you're friends with is a deal breaker for her. Who would have guessed?

It's not even like it's porn (which is also a deal breaker for some, personally I don't care). Its someone you know and have a long 20 year history with. I couldn't care less if my DH watches porn (as long as doesn't replace sex with me obv) but if he started liking semi-nudes of female friends I'd be fuming and he would be ex-DH. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if your ex started liking sexy photos of her male friends irregardless if it was 'only 2'.

Bepis · 07/01/2023 23:32

Have you ever dated or been romantically involved with this model?

Flip

1 2