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Original poster

I shouldn't have dumped her for being "crazy" should I?

55 replies

wallynit · 05/01/2023 13:17

Three years ago I was dating a woman.
Fancied her like crazy and we got on so well.
We were basically in a relationship.
My friend used to be friends with her and started putting doubts in my head.
Saying she was crazy,I was being silly and she was like my ex and would make my life a misery.
She couldn't hold a relationship because of her behaviour etc
So I backed off without explaining and she started texting a lot asking for reasons and that At the time confirmed what my friend was saying.
So I didn't exactly end it well and blocked her on WhatsApp.
We have mutual friends and she got into a relationship 2 years ago and they are still together.
They look happy and I've seen through mutual friends they go on holidays /live together etc
So it's making me question if what friend said was true.
Why am I feeling this way ?

OP posts:
5128gap · 05/01/2023 18:30

wallynit · 05/01/2023 13:29

I think seeing her still in a relationship and looking happy and her partner looking happy makes me doubt how true my friend was being.
We had a really good connection and we spent 9 months getting on really well

I wouldn't read too much into the glimpses of her life you get from your position of..well...someone who doesn't know her anymore.
She may well be happy and stable, she may equally be making some unfortunate woman or man's life a misery and proving your friend right. You can't possibly know.
Whichever way it doesnt really matter to your life now, does it?
You had your chance to get to know this woman and judge for yourself. Now, either you had niggling doubts which your friend confirmed, or you're very suggestible, but either way, you clearly weren't blissfully happy and secure with her or no attempt by your friend to put you off would have worked.
It wasn't right, it wasn't meant to be. Move on.

Original poster
wallynit · 05/01/2023 19:35

I didn't ghost her.
I told her I didn't want to see her anymore because I didn't want a partner like my ex (as friend told me she was the same )
She asked to meet up to talk and I refused
So then she kept texting me asking for a explanation and tried to tell me my friend had it in for her.
Then I started seeing someone else straight away and told her and it all ended bad
That's when I blocked her etc
And yeah now I am feeling a bit crappy

OP posts:
Puffin87 · 05/01/2023 19:38

You treated her badly and she's now in a better position than you.

Puffin87 · 05/01/2023 19:40

Also you don't seem to feel remorse for treating her badly. Your ego has taken a hit instead.

5128gap · 05/01/2023 19:41

wallynit · 05/01/2023 19:35

I didn't ghost her.
I told her I didn't want to see her anymore because I didn't want a partner like my ex (as friend told me she was the same )
She asked to meet up to talk and I refused
So then she kept texting me asking for a explanation and tried to tell me my friend had it in for her.
Then I started seeing someone else straight away and told her and it all ended bad
That's when I blocked her etc
And yeah now I am feeling a bit crappy

You obviously weren't that into her at the time or none of that would have happened. No one leaves a relationship they're really happy in on the unsubstantiated word of a friend.
Nothings changed, other than you're presumably now not in a relationship, and are thinking you missed out. And probably feeling your nose is out of joint because she seems happy.
Its a none problem.

lamaze1 · 05/01/2023 19:50

Yes you should have done. You did her a favour. as others have said you don't actually seem to have any remorse for how you treated her. You just seem jealous that she is happy now whilst you feel crappy.

supercali77 · 05/01/2023 19:52

I'd spend your time asking yourself why you couldn't see that your own behaviour was extremely problematic and addressing it

Original poster
wallynit · 05/01/2023 19:56

@5128gap we weren't officially together.
I was looking for someone at the time who would treat me well after my ex.
I had her and another girl I liked and I was deciding what to do
And then my friend said all what she did and I backed off

OP posts:
Coolheadedbird · 05/01/2023 20:01

I think you are best not to think about her as you would not have ended it if it was all perfect. New opportunities.

Original poster
wallynit · 05/01/2023 20:28

No she's in a relationship with a woman

OP posts:
Original poster
wallynit · 06/01/2023 08:14

@lamaze1 it wasn't that I didn't have any remorse -in my mind she was now this crazy person just like my ex and I just didn't want the same again
Now I'm thinking maybe it wasn't as black and white

OP posts:
80s · 06/01/2023 08:25

We were basically in a relationship.
-- we weren't officially together.
I backed off without explaining
-- I told her I didn't want to see her anymore because I didn't want a partner like my ex
Either this is all made up nonsense (you can never tell)...
Or (which would fit with your original story) you have issues around trying to get people to approve of you. You wanted your friend to approve of you, so did what they said and left your gf. You want posters on this thread to approve of you, so you're changing your story to avoid their criticism.

Opaljewel · 06/01/2023 08:42

Pennyforthezombies · 05/01/2023 17:30

God - the misogyny in your post, woman = crazy . I’m not sure why OP’s are giving you the time of day…

The op is a woman.

Ihatethenewlook · 06/01/2023 09:37

Opaljewel · 06/01/2023 08:42

The op is a woman.

Show quote history

You can be a woman and still be extremely misogynistic.

Original poster
wallynit · 06/01/2023 09:39

@80s we weren't "official" but doing everything you do when your in a relationship without the name tag.
I think I was scared to commit Incase it ended badly.
I think I was looking for a reason to run
I don't know

OP posts:
80s · 06/01/2023 09:42

Yep, commitment issues sound very likely!
And its a recurrent theme - multiple "crazy exes"? Might be worth looking into therapy.

BeyondReleaseTheKraken · 06/01/2023 09:53

80s · 06/01/2023 08:25

We were basically in a relationship.
-- we weren't officially together.
I backed off without explaining
-- I told her I didn't want to see her anymore because I didn't want a partner like my ex
Either this is all made up nonsense (you can never tell)...
Or (which would fit with your original story) you have issues around trying to get people to approve of you. You wanted your friend to approve of you, so did what they said and left your gf. You want posters on this thread to approve of you, so you're changing your story to avoid their criticism.

If this is the aim, then it's not working - OP sounds worse with each post not better!

ImprobablePuffin · 06/01/2023 09:55

Have I read this right? You had 2 women on the go 9 months in to the relationship (after 9 months it IS a relationship whether you've labelled it or not)

ImAvingOops · 06/01/2023 09:56

You've just got fomo. The ex looks happy and now you're scared that you gave up something good on the say so if a bitchy friend. You didn't even end it kindly - you were shitty and you know it.
The ex may not have been the one for you, especially if you also had someone else on the back burner, but she was a person, who didn't wrong you in any way and deserved far better treatment than she got!
She's dodged a bullet with you.
Behave better next time!

ImprobablePuffin · 06/01/2023 09:56

"I had her and another girl I liked and I was deciding what to do"

This is the bit I don't understand

SaintLoy · 06/01/2023 09:59

Oher · 05/01/2023 16:40

I think you’re probably slowly realising that you dumped a fun and attractive woman on the basis of spiteful behind-her-back gossip.

I’m guessing that you’re still single. Maybe have a chat with a therapist to work out why.

Totally this.

SaintLoy · 06/01/2023 10:02

Puffin87 · 05/01/2023 19:40

Also you don't seem to feel remorse for treating her badly. Your ego has taken a hit instead.

I noticed that, too.

SausageInCider · 06/01/2023 10:16

So you strung her along for 9 months, everything was going great and you had no worries until your “friend” opened her gob.

you were looking for someone to treat you well after your ex - perhaps take a very long, hard look at how you treat other people. You haven’t behaved well at all here. I’m glad the other woman appears to be happy now - she did nothing wrong here.

Original poster
wallynit · 06/01/2023 10:48

I didn't string anyone along.
She knew the situation but I did like her (which was the problem ) I messed up and did treat her bad.
I purposefully avoid running into her as I would be embarrassed seeing her

OP posts:
ImprobablePuffin · 06/01/2023 11:15

wallynit · 06/01/2023 10:48

I didn't string anyone along.
She knew the situation but I did like her (which was the problem ) I messed up and did treat her bad.
I purposefully avoid running into her as I would be embarrassed seeing her

So you should be. Honestly I'm so happy this other girl isn't with you, for her sake.

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