I know this might sound like I’m being paranoid but I just wondered what others thought. Before I met my ex I had a really active social life, I was always out with friends every weekend, girls holidays etc, I was young when we met and in my early 20s but when I met him and had my children my social life completely stopped.
He didn’t like me going out, didn’t like me wearing makeup etc anyway we was together some years but he broke up with me and then refused to ever have the children over night, he would only see them during the day and that wasn’t often think once/ twice a month if that, never wanted more even though I begged him to be more involved (eventually I gave up) because of this my social life disappeared obviously, friends disappeared (I get they weren’t real friends more going out friends) I no longer go out, haven’t been on holiday in 12 years, barely see “friends” and have drifted apart from them as they didn’t have kids so weren’t interested in sitting in the park/ soft play, anyway something that has been bugging me I was trying to stay amicable for the kids sake generally we don’t get on as he isn’t a nice person (he was previously absent for a long while because I was no longer facilitating contact at my house so he stopped seeing them) but since back in contact he will be over friendly towards me and always asking me what I’m doing or what I’m up to, not just asking about the kids. At first I thought this was a good thing, that he was just trying to be friendly and pay an interest but recently I’ve started to question it. So for example he will text me occasionally to ask how I am, or what I’m doing, it will be stuff like “what you up to NYE, anything fun?” Knowing full well I will be in with the kids alone like every single other night of the week, or “what you up to for your birthday, anything exciting?” Again knowing full well it will be with the kids so it will be somewhere children friendly hardly exciting, last year I went to Pizza Hut with my children alone . I get some people might love that but a weekend away would have been nice! It’s like he is messaging me expecting a different answer when he knows what the answer is.
Anyway I’ve come to the conclusion he enjoys hearing that I’m on my own and doing nothing? Like he’s rubbing my face in it? I think he probably enjoys knowing that I’m sat in alone every night? He knows I haven’t been able to meet anyone and have nothing going on and no social life as I’m with the kids 24/7 but it’s constantly “anything exciting/ anything fun?” “What you doing on the weekend anything fun” I’ve started to feel like making things up to not give him the satisfaction of enjoying hearing I’m just sat at home with the children. I know I need to do grey rock and I’m doing that going forward rather than making any attempt to be “friends” but I honestly think he enjoys hearing that I’m stuck home with the kids every night unable to have a life but maybe I’m just being paranoid and he is just being friendly? If so I will continue to make an effort to be friends and see it as him just paying an interest in my life to be friends. It’s just something that happened over new years had me questioning his intentions.
(Just to add I’m not looking for advice on going out or getting babysitters etc I’m fine with not having a social life anymore I’m far too tired/ exhausted to go out now anyway this is just me questioning his motive for constantly asking me what I’m up to and if it’s anything “fun or exciting”)