Is my partner just scared?

[xttcbabyno1x]

So little back story, my partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years. He's 30 this year and I'm 25. We bought our first house last year after renting for a few years and had a great year.

We'd already decided In 2021 that we wanted to start trying for a baby in September 2022, however he got his sperm tested and the results came back poor with low morphology and we were told it could take years / even IVF to fall pregnant. So we BOTH decided that we would start trying there and then (end of July) so not too far off when we were going to try anyway!

Anyway, we ended up conceiving in July, which was our first month of properly trying (we'd had a few months prior with no protection etc but not trying as such)

When I found out I was very shocked, grateful but shocked. He didn't take it amazingly at first but then started to get really excited. Now 3 months before he's due he's being a bit difficult, last night he was telling me how he feels trapped and doesn't want this? Bare in mind all he's done since we found out is go out and went to a stag do, there was one event I asked him if he wouldn't mind missing out on as he'd been away the whole weekend before. I didn't think I was being unreasonable. He says he wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants? Of course he can do stuff still but he will have a responsibility too

Maybe he's just scared or that's what I keep telling myself. I'm scared too but I wouldn't treat him this way and make him feel like I was going to just walk out

You are both adults, faced (by choice) with being parents. It can, naturally, be a tricky time. You're facing big change, huge change. Possibly financial impacts. Impacts on every part of your life.

But in your case, one of those adults is acting like a child and expecting the other adult (the one who has much bigger changes ahead of them, and is already dealing with those changes physically) to worry about him / pick up the slack / run around trying to make his life more fun. You're falling over youself to show him his life doesn't have to change but IT DOES. He needs to realise he can't keep acting like a single man.

He is acting like a child. It doesn't bode well for how he'll be as a father.

Hopefully he will grow up a bit and start to think of you as well as himself. But I would start making plans to be a single parent just in case.

If what he is worried about is not having time to spend with you, then he should plan ways to ensure it will happen.
And it can. Maybe not the way you have up to now but you can.

So it can happen NOW. As in HE prioritises time with you instead if spending all weekends away with his mates. I mean the baby isn’t even here yet!!
He initiates discussion on how you are going to share the load and find time for you together (bearing in the first 3 months after birth will
probably be a blur).
What I find it frustrating is that he says he is worried about stuff but isn’t doing ANYTHING to improve things rather he is making things worse!!

As for not loving the baby…
Remind him love is VERB. Not a noun.
When the baby is here or even now, he can start by purposely loving that child of his. Thinking about him as the most beautiful baby ever. Thinking about his responsibilities towards him, what he would like that child to experience, to grow up as (not a job but someone caring or kind etc….).
Loving the child isn’t something that just happens by magic. Hell some mothers don’t feel any rush of love when their baby is born either…

He needs to grow up and stop playing the poor victim.