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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No contact from partner over Christmas

33 replies

Flowertop123 · 02/01/2023 21:56

I've been with my partner for 6 months and is going really good, we get on very well. We both have our own children and live about an hour apart. We meet up in the week where time allows and at weekends.

This Christmas we have done our own thing, largely due to family commitments.

He has a large family and has had them visit over this period and me the same with mine.

The problem is that I have barely had any contact from him over the whole Christmas period, just the occasional brief good morning or good night message, and anything else only when I initiate it. When my family have been here I have still managed to send a quick hi, how are you message as a minimum, just to show I am thinking about him. I would like to hear more from him, however the radio silence has been really getting to me.

What does everyone think about this - am I being sidelined unfairly, or being paranoid, or is just part of own family time over Christmas? Should I expect to have more contact from a partner of 6 months?

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 02/01/2023 22:03

Is this type of communication normal for him? Have you spoken over the phone at all during this time? Is he replying to your texts?
Personally, I think this seems a bit off for a partner of 6 months and I wouldn't be happy. However, you need to ask him and get to the bottom of it. Maybe there is a reason for it, but yanbu to be feeling off about it.

Frazzledmummy123 · 02/01/2023 22:05

Ah I just read your post and you said he replies when you initiate it. He could just be beimg lazy or wrongly assuming you are too busy, but I still go by what I said before, it is understandable how you are feeling.

Fuuuuuckit · 02/01/2023 22:07

Are you sure he's not married, therefore has been unable to contact you as normal whilst under the scrutiny of a 'family Christmas'?

Fidgety31 · 02/01/2023 22:08

He’s a boyfriend of six months - he is with his family - so I would imagine you’re just not his priority right now .
Ask him when/if you see him - if he sees you as dating or more serious as you do -i.e calling him a partner

Flounder2022 · 02/01/2023 22:15

My partner can be a bit like this sometimes. However, as time has gone on I have realised that he is a man who is present with who and where he is. So when we are togther he is rarely if ever on his phone, doesn't check it constantly for messages etc. And when we are not togther and he is not busy or engaged with other people chances are we are texting or calling each other.

It took me a while to realise this and I used to question it like you are. But now I find it a real measure of the type of person he is and I admire it. And I know I'm not forgotten, or unimportant.

Aubree17 · 02/01/2023 22:43

I guess the key question is whether you are happy with this contact?

It wouldn't be enough for me. On a deeper level I think it's probably indicative of how he sees your relationship.

I would think things over, and work out exactly what you want from the relationship then have a chat with him to check your both moving in the same direction.

Original poster
Flowertop123 · 02/01/2023 22:50

Thanks for comments everyone.

I did think we had a deeper connection to warrant more contact and not be held at arms length. Maybe it's just me being sensitive but you're right, I need to discuss with him, or per my current mindset, just say thanks but no thanks I'd rather not be treated like that.

OP posts:
SLS500 · 02/01/2023 23:20

I don't think you're being overly sensitive. If someone is thinking of you / missing you they'll make the time to make contact.

Sounds like it's a case of out of mind, out of sight.

I've had this before and I won't put up with it, I detach. You know your worth.

SLS500 · 02/01/2023 23:22

Out of sight , out of mind - I know know what I meantWink

Parrotid · 02/01/2023 23:24

I think it’s fine to have the conversation and to say “I need more than this.” Then he has a choice to step up or not.

ThanksLots · 02/01/2023 23:25

You class this boyfriend of 26 weeks as a “partner” and he doesn’t even class you as someone worthy of an occasional text?

You need to raise your bar.

Dontsayyouloveme · 02/01/2023 23:26

It’s really not hard to text someone, guests or not!

Bibonelove · 03/01/2023 00:01

I wouldnt be happy, it takes seconds to send a quick message, if i really liked someone id be missing them and make time.

Original poster
Flowertop123 · 03/01/2023 14:18

I'm a bit torn as half of me is saying to call it off as its not good for me, the other half is saying to put it down to a busy Christmas period and see how things settle into the new year. There don't seem to be many decent men around and he is.

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 03/01/2023 14:23

He could be a decent guy, but he's not that unto you given his lack of contact

Porcinimushroom · 03/01/2023 14:28

Did you post about this before?

SirVixofVixHall · 03/01/2023 14:32

Fidgety31 · 02/01/2023 22:08

He’s a boyfriend of six months - he is with his family - so I would imagine you’re just not his priority right now .
Ask him when/if you see him - if he sees you as dating or more serious as you do -i.e calling him a partner

I agree with this.
After only six months of dating, not living together, calling him your partner seems a bit of a stretch.
You need to talk to him about how he sees your relationship.

butterfliedtwo · 03/01/2023 14:32

If they're into you, they communicate wherever they are, in my experience. Have a chat with him, I guess. But I'd interpret it as he isn't serious about the relationship.

Fridaynightmare · 03/01/2023 14:36

I don't think you're being unreasonable. As previous posters have said - you'd expect gaps of hours while people are busy over Christmas but little to no contact is rude and hurtful when you've been in a relationship with someone for 6 months.
Did you have plans to meet up? Any phone calls?

You need to have a conversation with him at least and in fact I'd be prepared to end it. Just state what you want and how it's not working for you. You're absolutely within your rights to want more. That doesn't mean your clingy/needy etc but everyone has different levels of works for them there is no 'right or wrong'.

He may agree that it's not working and mutually call if off or he may ask for another chance and say he will change. Then it's up to you what choices you make.

Twen · 03/01/2023 15:18

For everyone saying you've only been work him 6 months, every relationship is different. I've been with my partner (yes I do call him that) 7 months and we're very close. If you're in a committed relationship this is very low contact. Casual, just dating it would be fine. So it depends on your relationship type rather than time x

Original poster
Flowertop123 · 03/01/2023 15:26

Twen · 03/01/2023 15:18

For everyone saying you've only been work him 6 months, every relationship is different. I've been with my partner (yes I do call him that) 7 months and we're very close. If you're in a committed relationship this is very low contact. Casual, just dating it would be fine. So it depends on your relationship type rather than time x

That's a good point actually, may be we are just in the dating phase still given our distance and so he would not see me as a high priority to want to message regular? I am hoping he still would though if he's that keen...

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 03/01/2023 15:30

lack of contact shows lack of interest. Tbh in his day and age there is no excuse for lack of contact. A text, a phone call , can be done instantly.

when dh and I first got together he had to work away after 2 months of us dating and he phoned me every day, even if it was just a quick hi I’m missing you or whether it was an hours long conversation. We didn’t have mobiles then so he had to find a phone box! 😂 showing my age.

Twen · 03/01/2023 15:33

Are you in a committed relationship OP?

StickyCricket · 03/01/2023 15:35

Have you met his family and friends?

Original poster
Flowertop123 · 03/01/2023 15:41

Twen · 03/01/2023 15:33

Are you in a committed relationship OP?

Yes I like to think so.

OP posts: