No contact from partner over Christmas

[Flowertop123]

I've been with my partner for 6 months and is going really good, we get on very well. We both have our own children and live about an hour apart. We meet up in the week where time allows and at weekends.

This Christmas we have done our own thing, largely due to family commitments.

He has a large family and has had them visit over this period and me the same with mine.

The problem is that I have barely had any contact from him over the whole Christmas period, just the occasional brief good morning or good night message, and anything else only when I initiate it. When my family have been here I have still managed to send a quick hi, how are you message as a minimum, just to show I am thinking about him. I would like to hear more from him, however the radio silence has been really getting to me.

What does everyone think about this - am I being sidelined unfairly, or being paranoid, or is just part of own family time over Christmas? Should I expect to have more contact from a partner of 6 months?

Friends yes but not family. Same on my side to.

What about the relationship is actually committed? In what sense is somebody you’ve been seeing for 6 months your partner? What level of commitment and partnership does he play in your life? Do you make joint decisions about finances, careers, each other’s children, your living arrangements? (If you do, more fool you.) I’m not seeing any commitment or partnership with somebody who barely contacted you for over a week.

Part of the problem with taking up language like “partner” when the person is nothing of the sort is that it creates a false sense of your closeness and their importance in your life and generates a sunk cost fallacy where you make emotional decisions about the relationship based on the (wrong) idea that you shouldn’t just throw away your “partner”. You can do much better. It might sound harsh to hear it but he’s making it clear that you aren’t a particular priority in his life and that he doesn’t really think much about you when you aren’t around or haven’t initiated contact. He might be committed to spending time with you when it’s convenient, but he doesn’t sound committed to your emotional needs at any kind of expense to himself. If you aren’t going to end it - which is probably the better plan - then at least ask him why he hasn’t bothered at all and make it clear how it’s hurt you.

No, you are not unreasonable, you are mismatched. I'd cut my losses on this.

OP this all must be horrible to hear but I think it's true that lack of contact equates to lack of interest.

I began seeing a man last June, he went out of his way to call or message me all the time. When he was away on holiday with friends, away at football with family etc.

I noticed this dwindling when he went away in October and didn't hear from him for about 3 days which was odd. We went away together after that but he ended things shortly afterwards and has left me broken hearted. Looking back he was losing interest.

I think different people expect different levels of contact in a relationship.

Personally, if I was seeing family over Christmas (whom I otherwise rarely see), being on the phone to my partner (whom I presumably see all the time) wouldn't be my priority.

I'd find constant texts and messages a bit bothersome tbh.

But other people would be all over each other no matter what.

So this is twofold : how you each rate the relationship, and what level of contact you want/expect from each other.

I agree with pp that this is not about who's BU but about whether you are compatible in your expectations.

He’s either still married, or having a relationship with someone else too.

I posted recently about something not dissimilar about my bf of 5 months, who just contacted me quite briefly over Christmas. It hurt to be honest but I really felt he made a big effort as soon as his family left. I think maybe you are a little more invested perhaps than him, but that could change.

I would also say that Christmas is a period of heightened emotions and I would see where things take you in the next week's.

Thanks, I like this advice. I'm going to let the dust settle and have arranged to have a chat about it all.