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Original poster

What to do?

38 replies

pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 08:50

I feel incredibly shallow writing this, but I my head is all over the place! Met a man online 2 weeks ago. Due to family and children commitments, we could only see each other last night.
Made the classic mistake of getting too involved without meeting first with video & phone calls daily.
The problem is when we did meet, he looked exactly like his photos from the chest up, but was HUGE from the the chest down. I was shocked. Despite this, he is so lovely that I tried to block that out and we had a lovely evening that ended in sex 🙈 mainly because we both assumed it was a foregone conclusion. But because I'm petite, it didn't work very well at all.
AIBU to call it off? I feel evil. He thinks he's "in love" 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:02

@Admin, please could you move this to Relationships

OP posts:
holierthanthou73 · 02/01/2023 09:03

Do you think he deceived you and purposely hid his body

Original poster
pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:05

Well it appears that way. All his photos/videos are from the chest up.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/01/2023 09:06

You cant be in love after two weeks that is a red flag - and it has only been two weeks it is simple to walk away.

And the fact that after two weeks of chatting online you had sex simply because it was expected means you need to work on some boundaries

LizzieSiddal · 02/01/2023 09:08

Agree with @Quartz2208 you need to finish it because he said he’s in love after ONE meeting. Plus you need to work on your boundaries, you shouldn’t be having sex because it’s “expected”.

Original poster
pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:10

He hasn't said he's in love, he has said everything but. That he's falling etc.
I had sex because I wanted to, anyway that's not question!

OP posts:
pippinsleftleg · 02/01/2023 09:11

Sorry OP I agree with the previous two posters.

NewYearNora · 02/01/2023 09:14

Flipping heck, it's only been two weeks and one date; you're well within your rights to knock this on the head without any explanation if you want to. Online dating is full of pitfalls like pictures which don't match up to the real thing. Nobody forced you to have sex (I assume); if you didn't like what you saw, why did you go ahead with it?

Alternatively, maybe you're just feeling shocked that you could be attracted to someone who is so large..... in which case, slow down and get to know him better before hopping into bed again. Perhaps, if you give it time to develop, the emotional connection will overcome the practical difficulties next time?

Strugglingtodomybest · 02/01/2023 09:15

I don't think that a relationship where you have had to try and block out a very obvious and avoidable fact about your partner that you don't like on your first date is going to work in the long run tbh.

Strugglingtodomybest · 02/01/2023 09:16

I meant unavoidable!

midnightfirework · 02/01/2023 09:19

Quartz2208 · 02/01/2023 09:06

You cant be in love after two weeks that is a red flag - and it has only been two weeks it is simple to walk away.

And the fact that after two weeks of chatting online you had sex simply because it was expected means you need to work on some boundaries

Yes this.

midnightfirework · 02/01/2023 09:20

You certainly shouldn't string him along like a toy play thing if you aren't interested.

EmpressaurusOfWitchesBackFromTheDead · 02/01/2023 09:22

pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:02

@Admin, please could you move this to Relationships

The mods aren’t likely to see this, try reporting your opening post and asking them in the comments box that comes up.

Original poster
pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:23

That's the thing. He such a lovely person, I don't want to string him along a second more than necessary. I feel if I leave it longer to assess how I feel, it'll crush him.

OP posts:
midnightfirework · 02/01/2023 09:24

pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:23

That's the thing. He such a lovely person, I don't want to string him along a second more than necessary. I feel if I leave it longer to assess how I feel, it'll crush him.

Well how do you feel?

DeliberatelyObtuse · 02/01/2023 09:24

Signing up for crap sex just because you don't want to hurt his feelings is a recipe for disaster

OutDamnedSpot · 02/01/2023 09:25

Flipping hell, work on your boundaries. You know he’s not right for you; you have every right to end it.

EBearhug · 02/01/2023 09:28

The sex doesn't work, he's much bigger than you expected, to the point it shocked you. There's no point investing more time in him. If he's lovely, then try to be gentle in binning him, but it's best for both of you - he needs to know it isn't going to work so he's free to find someone he does work with.

(

Nothing wrong with having sex early on. There's no point getting emotionally involved if they're crap in bif sex is important to you.)

Jimboscott0115 · 02/01/2023 09:29

Anyone who says they are falling after 2 weeks of chatting and a single date/shag are a big red flag OP. I'm not saying he's a wrong un, but certainly emotionally immature and likely very insecure/needy.

Just back out, he wasn't what you expected and he's going way overboard on his feelings too soon both perfectly good reasons to call it a day after 1 date.

talkingmorenonsense · 02/01/2023 09:31

You know you have to end it. Do it and move on and forget him.

Xrays · 02/01/2023 09:37

You say you had sex because you wanted to - so did you fancy him or not? It sounds like you did and were just a bit shocked he looks a bit different to how you expected.

Justcallmebebes · 02/01/2023 09:44

pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:23

That's the thing. He such a lovely person, I don't want to string him along a second more than necessary. I feel if I leave it longer to assess how I feel, it'll crush him.

With all due respect, he's met you once. He'll get over it! If you're not feeling it, don't string him along

Original poster
pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:44

@Xrays that's what I'm trying to figure out. At the age of 44, it sounds incredibly childish to say I fancied him from the chest up! He has a great personality. I wanted to know what the sex would be like.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:45

@Justcallmebebes 😂 true!!

OP posts:
Xrays · 02/01/2023 09:50

pineapple217 · 02/01/2023 09:44

@Xrays that's what I'm trying to figure out. At the age of 44, it sounds incredibly childish to say I fancied him from the chest up! He has a great personality. I wanted to know what the sex would be like.

It sounds like you shouldn’t have slept with him so quickly as now you’ve made it a bit difficult for yourself as the expectation to have sex again will be there…. I would have kept seeing him for a few more casual, public dates and see how you felt about him. It’s a bit more complicated now!

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