Worried I’m too unattractive for a relationship

[Rnc96]

Has anyone felt they’re too unattractive to find love? I’m embarrassed to say I’m a 26 year old virgin, never been in a relationship, no man has ever shown interest in person and I’ve had plenty of strangers (men) mock my appearance.

I’m slim, have nice hair, dress well but facially I’m just not attractive.

It’s hard to discuss with friends as they’ll invalidate my experiences saying “you’re gorgeous just ignore them” (men who mock my appearance) and
“you’ll find someone special soon” - appreciate they’re trying to make me feel better but all are average or above average attractiveness and have relationship experience.

I’m on dating apps and I’ll match with men but rarely get messaged. I’ve been on a small number of dates from apps. Surprisingly, these few dates seemed to go well - I’ve been really lucky that none of the guys were rude or sleazy. They were polite and conversation would flow well, last roughly around 2 hours, some even walked me home but afterwards I‘d still get ghosted with no explanation. (Not made it to a second date before!)

Also, none of the guys even kissed me on the first date despite not seeming nervous which makes me think they weren’t attracted to me. We’d greet with a hug and make eye contact throughout but nothing else.

I feel like I can hold a conversation well, and have a decent job in the City. No issues socialising with guys at work platonically, in fact a male manager once said I was the one of the happiest in the office. Also get on fine with my friends partners etc. It hurts to acknowledge how virtually all of my friends, relatives and colleagues from different walks of life seem to be in relationships or dating, whereas I’ve still not had my first kiss.

I’m not someone who is career obsessed either (outside of work I switch off pretty easily).

Ultimately I can’t help but think it’s my appearance that is putting men off. ☹️ I definitely don’t have high standards when it comes to men’s appearance, or how much they earn either.

My last hope is surgery but I can’t afford that in the foreseeable future…

@Rnc96 perhaps you and @tawaanchu could go on a date 😀

You definitely sound like you have low self-esteem. You seem lovely and very together.

I never had boyfriends or much attention from the opposite sex through secondary and college. I just couldn’t understand girls who could go from one bloke to the next and I couldn’t attract one 🤷‍♀️. Looking back I wonder if I was giving off certain vibes. Not sure really.

The virgin thing is not important and you don’t need to share it if you don’t want to.
Also as someone else said your nose hasn’t stopped you from getting dates on the app but I understand if you feel self conscious about it then it is an issue for you. 💐

Yes this is very shallow. Are your brows groomed….have you slapped on makeup…Jesus fucking Christ…..women are not painted dolls whose only purpose in life is to be picked as a suitable trophy mate for some man.

It is the entire purpose of dating though. The OP wants to find a partner. Most men and women are interested in a partner's looks to a degree. It sounds as if the OP is perfectly well put together, but it's hardly scandalous to suggest putting one's best foot forward.

You need to value yourself. Very few people are really attractive. What are your nice features? Can you book a makeup lesson to give yourself more confidence?
More importantly do you really like any of these men? Dating apps might not work for you. How about hobbies? Join the gym? Go climbing? Volunteer with local environmental projects? You could have fun and meet men in a different way.
On those dates were there any men you wanted to see a second time? How did you feel? Were they all perfect gods?
Your nose is irrelevant I promise you. No one is perfect! You’ll meet someone.

OP, I have just remembered two things:

I once watched a documentary about incels, where they interviewed a guy who had managed to find light at the end of the tunnel thanks to a support group for people (of both genders) in their 20s and 30s who were virgin. He was dating a girl met in that context. I don't remember the details. It is most certainly not the only option - only you can know if you might want to explore something like this.

I also remembered a girl in uni who had become totally obsessed with how ugly her nose was (in her opinion, I think she was making a big deal out of nothing), spent a fortune on plastic surgery and then was very disappointed in noticing it didn't revolutionise her life life she thought it would have. The girl in question was, IMHO, reasonably attractive both before and after the surgery.

@Tinker76

You look very attractive to me! I genuinely think you are a beautiful woman.

I hope you take up the chance of cognitive behavioural therapy as it might really help your self image. In fact have you explored the possibility you might have some sort of body dysmorphia, and would benefit from therapy?

You honestly are a very attractive woman.

@Tinker76
What the hell! You think you are not attractive is so surprising! You look great! What amazing eyes you have! Be confident

Plastic Surgeons who want your money confirmed you should have plastic surgery? I’m not sure how much weight I’d put on that.

Oh whoops old revived thread. Hope you’re doing well op

You sound like a perfect woman to me OP👌

Be patient, a lot of men your age are just not looking for a relationship

Keep on at it, someone will crop up that makes your tummy tingle

Mate, when I was young I was drop dead georgeous, but due to a difficult upbringing I was shy and defensive with men. I was 36 before I found a partner.
Being a stunner did me no good at all. I suggest martial arts to build self esteem - also lots of blokes there.

People are going to try and be nice but why not finance the surgery, take a loan and fix whatever it is with your face that isn't attractive? It would change your whole life, just fix it.

Get surgery on whatever it is on your face and go to a good asthetics person for some well placed filler. I have no idea why people go through life letting appearances hold them back when it can pretty easily be fixed.

Do you wear makeup?

Not saying you need to at all before anyone thinks I'm being horrid. I'm just referencing it so I can tell you a bit about me. I also aren't saying you need it to be attractive. ADHD people will often relate a story to show they understand, not to make it about themselves. I hope you understand

I have been with my partner many years. But until I discovered makeup, I wasn't viewed as attractive at all. I wonder if it's the confidence it gave me or if it did help my features.

I have a straight long concorde nose that I used to get picked on about. And weirdly for me, it was only ever girls who were horrid to me. And other things that I won't mention as it could be identifying.

It took several years but I finally settled on some makeup that looks natural but flattering. It just enhances what I have but I know deep down I am a very plain jane.

My eyelashes are really long but they look absolutely non existent until I put mascara on. So I have really pale eyes.

I had no eyebrows due to being a victim of the 90s brow. I've had them naturally tattooed on now and I use a tinted brow mascara because again, non existent. I look like my forehead starts at my eyelids hehe.

Then last but not least I'm pale as hell and have rosacea so it shows up even more. I use a light foundation to just even it out.

Best thing of all? My partner loves me with or without makeup. But I think it gave me confidence to be myself more. I give a shit less as I get older tbh.

Have you ever watched youtube videos to enhance your own features or been to a makeup counter? I aren't saying you need it but it might give you a confidence boost.

It turned out for me whilst I was not ugly (I believed I was due to all of the hideous bullying) I think I just didn't know how to make the best of myself. Just a thought.

I really hope no one take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to be insulting. Just saying what worked for me.

Didn’t expect my thread to be bumped in 2024 haha, and unfortunately still a single virgin despite since trying in person singles events and asking to be set up. Also, moved to a new company for work (only thought it’s relevant to mention as exposed to more people, my life otherwise hasn’t stagnated)

I’m mostly learning to cope and focus on other positives eg making new friends and cherishing old ones, planning trips and festivals, hobbies/classes etc.
Truthfully it’s not the life I expected but I realise everyone will have their own battles.

@Lavenderblossoms I do 😊 I agree, it helps me feel more confident and polished.

However, if a guy was interested I would probably confess to being a virgin by the 2nd/3rd date as feels a bit unfair to not be upfront.

You honestly don't owe anyone this information. I'd had 2 children with DP by the time he revealed I was the only one he had ever been with.

You sound like a lovely person and trust me you are so young. Just keep working on your self esteem, physical and mental health and the rest will follow x