When would you introduce your children to a new partner?

[emotionalmotionsicknesss]

I don’t have children. I’m asking because a friend has introduced their child at 5 months.

5 months is way too soon imo.
So many people put their sex life ahead of the needs of their children, it’s so wrong. A colleague had her new bloke staying over after just a few months and has spent the last 6 months moaning that her DD has been playing up! She seems incapable of understanding that her DD is devastated that her DF lives away from them, and she is now expected to play happy families with mummy’s new fella, and this is causing her to act up. Its very sad.

How old is the child.

Never.

I had all these rules about not introducing my teenagers to my new boyfriend for a year. In the end, they met him very briefly while we were still only dating. They met him properly after about 6 months. Now we are 18 months in and he stays over and my children like him very much. I suspect if they were younger (under 10 perhaps) I
would have left it longer.

3.5 years and still not done

I'm thinking 6 months minium- more likely a year.

I think when they leave school

Mine met pretty quickly tbh! It’s all worked out well.

Glad you asked as I’ve recently started dating again. First time since I split with DC’s dad, I’ve been single over a decade. It’s only been 6wks so certainly not even considering it at this stage. I was thinking around 6 months but I guess it’s individual. I have 2 teens, 14 & 18 and I don’t think they’d be too bothered anyway, they are the type who would shrug, and get back to their own life! But he has 2 DC age 11 and 6, and has full custody. Hopefully their mother is starting to have overnight access soon, which will help. I certainly don’t want to rush into meeting kids, I was a bit hesitant dating someone with young kids as I also have a DC age 29, so I’ve been parenting for nearly 30yrs and feel almost done, and now it’s my time. But I can’t account for who I’ve fallen for. And his kids are part of him. Our relationship (if you can call it that) is going pretty fast in terms of emotion, but we will not be rushing into meeting kids

Mine had already met mine as I knew him before I met her dad. Worked together for years and we did a lot of family social things at work.

First time he came to our house was after about 9 months I think. Or thereabouts. My dd told him to get off our couch. They are inseparable now. And we are married.

Depends on a million different factors. Age of child, circumstances, the partner etc etc

There's no right or wrong answer imo

5 months is fine, people on MN are weird I posted recently about not wanting to introduce strangers to my kids as in not bringing my children on dates and people were acting like I was weird for feeling that way! You can’t win on here.

We did 6 month. At that point I was falling in love and wanted to know if my children liked him.

That is too soon. 8-10 months meet but depends on the age of the kids.

my ex has introduced two women to my kids in the past year and it is confusing for them. They played with the first ones kids now wonder why they can’t play any longer.
the new one slept over at Christmas with them at my exes house and this was upsetting because I thought he would appreciate that I had given up Christmas with them. What if she’s gone soon? Those memories are mixed up now.
he is very selfish and claims to be lonely but I wish he would discuss these things I find out after every time.

Well I decided not to date as I knew I wouldn't move someone into DDs home nor would I move us into theirs.

If I did it would be a minimum of a year, DD is 13 now so I guess I would take her view into account too.

Her Dad was flatmates with his now GF so DD knew her before they were romantically involved and says it's different as she only visits Dad's and its not her 'home' home.

I don’t think you can have a set timeframe/rule.

So many factors at play, the ages of the kids, their relationships with their parents, their mental and emotional state, how they handled the divorce etc.

I also think there is a difference between gentle and slow introductions Vs. partner quickly joining in their lives, sleeping over and being in their house etc.

The Mumsnet rule is 10 years or once the kid is 25, whichever comes sooner. Shame on you for having a life.

It depends. On one hand you can introduce them too soon but on the other hand the longer you wait and get further into your relationship you run the risk of more heartbreak if they don't get on when they meet. I think there's common ground to be had, gradually meeting in neutral places at first before anything serious.

It baffles me!

Everyone and every situation is different. I never imagined introducing them quickly- especially after my ex h did it disastrously- but it ended up being only a few weeks with my now husband and my family and my children absolutely adore him.

I had dated other people and it never would've even been a possibility, but it was different with my dh.

@SpinningFloppa
I've been following your other thread and it's not true that people thought you were weird for not wanting to take your children on dates, in fact if I recall other posters agreed with you on that point; however people did think that by not wanting to consider a babysitter and without family and involved ex partner you're most likely going to remain in your situation of not being able to date for years to come.

As for introducing new partners, I'd run a Claire's Law check on anyone first if I thought they might be likely to meet my DC at some point.

I would give it at least a year.

I think with DP it was about six months and we went out for coffee or dinner, so a gentle introduction, but that's with a teenager and tween, It was probably at least another six months before he stayed over.

Moving in together I think is something you shouldn't rush into, but meeting dc and staying over sometimes is ok done sensitively. We're several years in and only just talking about moving in together.

Having been the child in this situation I would honestly say that if DH and I broke up , I would never date again because it is so so damaging to the children. But I realise that my experience may be extreme and also that its easy to say this when I'm not in this situation myself.

5 months is ridiculously too early though.

I'm at the 5 month point now and feel like we're definitely in love, I have zero concerns about him. He's emotionally intelligent, a great dad to his own kids and always puts them first, reliable, stable and happy. We're close to introductions, my youngest wants to meet him, my eldest isn't fussed. I'll not push the eldest into anything but happy to oblige the younger ones request as she's curious about who I'm spending time with. If I didn't see a future though I wouldn't be considering it. Sometimes you just know it's right, or at least as right as anyone could predict

That sounds very reasonable. It’s sweet your little one is keen to meet him too!

3 weeks (3rd date) but dd was 18 and had set up my dating profile ! I think you know if it's a keeper, I didn't introduce anyone else