I'm trying to better understand a long-standing acquaintance.
They have no friends and no hobbies and are extremely distrustful of others outside the immediate family. People are either good or out to get them in some way - there is little grey or nuance. Most people are out to get them.
They are often incredibly kind and generous to family and are fiercely loving. However they rarely smile or laugh naturally and for many years have seemed depressed. Can regularly fly off into wild rages or suddenly say vicious, hurtful things to those same family members completely unprovoked.
They often struggle with a change of routine and very much like things to be planned in advance. If details of a plan, for instance an outing or a party, change they become anxious.
Sometimes a change or new development in a situation, for instance an adult child changing jobs, ending a relationship or on occasion even wearing clothes acquaintance doesn't like, will provoke a rage.
As a result family members often hide information about their lives from them, even to the detriment of their own emotional well-being, so they prevent one of these situations.
They struggle to understand family members might have interests that differ from their own - ie might not be interested in shopping or beauty treatments and might choose different clothes, partners or friends. They regularly have conflicts with others. They hold grudges, rightly or wrongly they have not spoken to their inlaws for decades.
They also have terrible self esteem and quite a dark way of seeing the world.
For instance they won't take up a new hobby because (a.)they will be terrible at it and (b.) soon they will be dead so its pointless - even though they are only in their 60s.
While I making this person sound awful, they have many wonderful other features but I would really like to understand them better. They have been like this for many decades. I am starting to wonder whether undiagnosed ASD might be an issue here but could something else be at play too?