Do you think this person has a condition and if so what is it?

[runningpram]

I'm trying to better understand a long-standing acquaintance.
They have no friends and no hobbies and are extremely distrustful of others outside the immediate family. People are either good or out to get them in some way - there is little grey or nuance. Most people are out to get them.
They are often incredibly kind and generous to family and are fiercely loving. However they rarely smile or laugh naturally and for many years have seemed depressed. Can regularly fly off into wild rages or suddenly say vicious, hurtful things to those same family members completely unprovoked.
They often struggle with a change of routine and very much like things to be planned in advance. If details of a plan, for instance an outing or a party, change they become anxious.
Sometimes a change or new development in a situation, for instance an adult child changing jobs, ending a relationship or on occasion even wearing clothes acquaintance doesn't like, will provoke a rage.
As a result family members often hide information about their lives from them, even to the detriment of their own emotional well-being, so they prevent one of these situations.
They struggle to understand family members might have interests that differ from their own - ie might not be interested in shopping or beauty treatments and might choose different clothes, partners or friends. They regularly have conflicts with others. They hold grudges, rightly or wrongly they have not spoken to their inlaws for decades.
They also have terrible self esteem and quite a dark way of seeing the world.
For instance they won't take up a new hobby because (a.)they will be terrible at it and (b.) soon they will be dead so its pointless - even though they are only in their 60s.
While I making this person sound awful, they have many wonderful other features but I would really like to understand them better. They have been like this for many decades. I am starting to wonder whether undiagnosed ASD might be an issue here but could something else be at play too?

You sound kind and caring

She sounds like a self serving busybody who has demonstrated a competitive lack of awareness or understanding of any mental health, neurological condition and a lack of respect for the individual autonomy/agency of this woman.

She's not asking if she should offer to help with practical things or invite her somewhere. She's asking for armchair diagnoses and tips on how she can effectively manipulate a near stranger for her own ends (eg get her to do things differently/how the op thinks she should without being direct with her about what she is doing because the op wants to try to help and will feel good about herself in doing so).

This is not what altruism looks like.

Possibly one of the cluster A (odd/eccentric) personality disorders - schizoid or paranoid?

Possibly ASD.

Possibly just who they are.

Nothing you can do about it either way.

Because this isn't her friend. It's an acquaintance.

How would you feel if an acquaintance who barely knew you posted online asking strangers for opinions about what might be wrong with you and then tried to change you? But wasn't going to be direct about it. Read what the OP has actually written.

Because the OP could be opening a huge can of worms for this woman if she interferes. She has no idea what might underpin this woman's character. What traumas she might dislodge. What coping mechanisms she might be dismantling. This is not going to be encouraging someone who lacks a bit of confidence to believe in themselves.

She has no right to attempt to dismantle and destabilise the safety of this woman's world (however small and unhappy it seems) because she wants to try to help.

And she hasn't even considered that.

EUPD

@GreyCarpet I've been deliberately somewhat vague about the nature of the relationship so as not to be identifying. Yes, on the face of what I've written, it does possibly look like I'm overstepping the mark. But the reality is very different, this is far from a 'pet project' nor am I a 'self-serving busy body' (!); It's an ongoing and very difficult situation, I'm trying to get a starting point from where I would clearly try to take professional guidance, along with others close to this person. However, how to best approach that isn't easy - hence the anonymous MN post.
Perhaps 'normal' is not the right word. But it's very clear that this person is unhappy themselves, something they regularly express. And as I mentioned in my earlier Post, the unpredictable anger and vicious comments are extremely damaging to those around them. I'm not looking to be altruistic in the usual sense of the word or for its own sake but I do want to try to support this person and particularly those close to them.
However I must say that if you've nothing productive to add yourself and only aggression, which seems to be the case, wind your own neck in!

To everyone else thank you for helpful comments - they are definitely a very helpful starting place