What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a partner?

[misslucy92]

I always thought they were the exact same thing.

are they? why or why not?

Just wondering because in another thread someone said „he’s your boyfriend, not a partner“ and I was like „huh, that’s the same!“.

I personally never liked the term partner. To me it sounds so business-like. A partner can also be a business colleague, a boyfriend is usually someone you’re romantically involved with.

Your thoughts?

I never use the term boyfriend or girlfriend as it feels silly. I'm a grown woman and the term feel really juvenile to me.

Equally, I say partner because it isn't necessary for everybody to know the gender of my spouse. While I am in a straight relationship at the moment I prefer the gender neutral terms as there have been times I have not wanted to announce my same sex relationships.
Normalising the term helps gay and bisexuality people speak about their partners in conversation without having to announce their sexuality to a wider group of people.

Strangely the only people I've found who see the term partner as business like or unusual, are Americans.

Partner is someone you live with but aren’t married to. Everything else is boyfriend.

Always makes me laugh when on mumsnet people refer to someone as their partner, when it’s someone they have known for 3 months.

I use both. I don’t like either (in our 40s/50s, been together for years - both terms seem wrong somehow). I haven’t come up with a better word however, despite years of trying, so I still use them.

Exactly what I was going to say.
I couldn't use boyfriend to describe the grown man I'm with. It just feels silly.

I'm in my 40s and definitely wouldn't say partner if I started going out with someone.
To me partner, is more or less a husband, someone you live with and share finances with, maybe even have children with.
I find it a bit strange when people on MN speak of a partner of a few months who lives somewhere else.

"I couldn't use boyfriend to describe the grown man I'm with. It just feels silly."

But isn't it just as silly to refer to someone you're dating as partner. Wouldn't it give the impression you live together? I remember when I lost my job somebody said 'but you have a partner' ie you won't be destitute as there is one household income. I immediately corrected that he was my boyfriend. It makes a big difference.

"Normalising the term helps gay and bisexuality people speak about their partners in conversation without having to announce their sexuality to a wider group of people."

There are other gender neutral terms though, not that I think that straight people or gay people who are happy to be open about it have the use the term partner just for that reason if it doesn't suit them.

Then you'd say gentleman friend I suppose.

I get annoyed on threads where posters refer to a (usually cocklodger/abuser) short term, non cohabitating boyfriend as a partner/DP.

IMO DP should only be used once cohabiting 2+ years.

Boyfriend I something you say when you are younger, partner is more mature & the word partner suggests a more serious & long termed relationship.

Boyfriend is*

I would use boyfriend when people are dating, partner if they are living together.

Boyfriend is what you have at 15, partner is what you have at 25 (IMO).

I have a partner. We have been together for about 3 years, are totally committed to each other and are the key people in each others lives. We don’t live together because it’s not that straightforward when you have children on both sides, who incidentally all get on, but we’re way more than boyfriend / girlfriend,

Personally I see partner as a serious relationship- live your life in a partnership type thing. Boyfriend and Girlfriend always feel ‘young’…. But then ‘manfriend’ doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue!! (And I guess they’re a tad more than a ‘friend’ 😉!). It’s interesting actually, some people call their platonic female friends ‘girlfriends’, I have a lot of platonic male friends… I wouldn’t call them ‘boyfriends’ (known a fair few since primarily school so it feels very very wrong thinking about them in that way! Ick! Like dating a sibling! Gross!).

I work in HR and need to be politically correct/don’t want to put my foot in anything! So I professionally like the term partner…. E.g. if someone tells me they’re having a tough time I can say ‘do you have family or a partner, maybe friends you can talk to’ or if someone is asking about maternity/shared parental leave leave it works as a term too (less cold than ‘primary / secondary care giver’!!). The word partner could be any gender, any marital status, people who use boy/girlfriend don’t seem to get offended, married people tend to not get offended…. It’s a lovely catch all word for conversations that need to feel warm and supportive (I work in a company with quite a diverse workforce…… and words matter to people, thankfully this word goes down ok!)

P.s. if I was dating…, I’d probably say ‘I’m seeing someone’ (ideally with a cheeky glint in my eye!)

"It’s interesting actually, some people call their platonic female friends ‘girlfriends’"

I see that as an American and maybe London thing. Where I come from your girlfriend is not just your friend. When I was a student in France I had a friend who insisted on saying boyfriend for male friend. He came from a very conservative country in Africa so was shocked when I explained.

If you're 25 and you get together two or three times a week, he's your partner??

boyfriend= going out but not living together no joint legal commitment.
Partner= live together both names on rent/ mortgage. children maybe but generally more committed. Could be either sex so more suitable for same sex couples I suppose
Saying that I have only ever had boyfriend, fiancé then husband ( yep we did own flat together before marriage). I just hate the term partner.