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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need advice because im crushed

59 replies

Kajawe · 28/12/2022 16:56

Ladies…please, don’t straight away say:’kick him out’,’end this’,’stay because of a child’….life it’s more complicated then that….I need YOUR POINT OF VIEW, put yourself in my shoes.that’s what I’m asking for.what YOU would do?Because I’m lost like never before….
im with my partner over 8years. Child, family, happy home, bla bla bla
He was always womaniser, flirty guy, etc but he stops.Stops because I’m supper possessive.He done little shot here and there and I forgive.I NEVER done anything to doubt in my love…
Everything was perfect. Sex is great. He always likes doing pictures when I’m looking nice in my little sexy stuff and durning the sex. He created special folder in his phone to keep all that pic and that’s fine.He is not watching porn but instead he is looking into his little keepsakes and enjoying.
Recently his best friend get a girlfriend and yesterday I found her completely naked pic in MY folder!!!!! He send it to him to show how nice she looks and instead checking,deleting and forgetting-he moved her pic into this folder,where he is checking VERY often…
I started shaking,every fibre of my body is saying I have enough.Im tired….
I didn’t argue.he said sorry million times and I just said that this time he fucked up nicely…I didn’t expect that!we are couple with 3kids!we together 8years!we still have all kind of sex every other day!!!!!!!!!!!!I keep myself in shape,im good with keeping home perfect,despite full time job!
I feel drained and he is doing THAT….Leave…how?and over photo?
stay?how?????rest of trust I had is gone…
he deliberately took photo out of chat with his friend and move to special folder!!!!it’s not like he forgot photo in general photo place …..
ok. What you would do? With broken soul,heart and mind…what you would do?

OP posts:
labazslovesliving · 28/12/2022 18:16

sleaze balls have been swapping nude photos of you and this woman so why are you not upset about that?

Iceballoon · 28/12/2022 18:20

@labazslovesliving

I think it’s solely because she loves him and is afraid to lose him, it’s so sad to hear what some women put up with from their men.

I actually thought my OH was bad but he is nothing compared to this.

DomPom47 · 28/12/2022 18:21

My first issue would be that your photos have also been shared with at least one other person.
I would definitely leave him just on this alone.
He does not respect you.

Angrywife · 28/12/2022 18:23

He'd be gone.
He'd beg, he'd plead, he'd apologise on his knees, but it would be a hard no from me. There wouldn't be any coming back from it, the trust would be gone.

nancydroo · 28/12/2022 18:25

Time for the special folder to be permanently deleted. Afterwards asking him how many people he's shared your photos with. He sounds very immature. Feel bad for you OP but reckon you'll stay with him as you've invested a lot in him already. I'm a bit for sad for you.

Crazypaving22 · 28/12/2022 18:28

He's looking at a picture if a woman who did not consent to this happening. This is appalling.

He'll be sharing your photos with this mate, and he'll lie if you ask.

They'll be some kind of reciprocal arrangement here.

He (and his friend) are disgusting.

SuperFly123 · 28/12/2022 18:40

He may very well have sent intimate pictures of you to his mate as well. If I were you I would do this other woman a favour - tell her that her boyfriend shared intimate photos of her with your husband; both she and you should leave these pervy sleaze bags. Oh and delete all pics and videos of you from his phone/laptop etc.

SuperFly123 · 28/12/2022 18:41

Crazypaving22 · 28/12/2022 18:28

He's looking at a picture if a woman who did not consent to this happening. This is appalling.

He'll be sharing your photos with this mate, and he'll lie if you ask.

They'll be some kind of reciprocal arrangement here.

He (and his friend) are disgusting.

Absolutely agree with this. It’s disgusting. Both these men are revolting.

FleasNavidad · 28/12/2022 19:04

He sees you and women in general as sex objects. You are nothing more to him than that. What a disgusting creature.

Raise your bar. He's shown his mates pictures of your naked body taken during sex. Vile.

Original poster
Kajawe · 28/12/2022 19:07

Thank you.thank you…really…
what I’m reading….it’s eyes opening…
this time it was too much.
I don’t know is it without her consent as I confront his friend and he said it’s only me thinking it’s bad to show pic like that…
but you guys right. It’s simply disgusting and disrespectful anyhow.

OP posts:
purpledalmation · 28/12/2022 19:15

Get all photos deleted from phone and Cloud. He shows them to other guys.

Aquasulis · 28/12/2022 19:17

NotToBeOrToBe · 28/12/2022 17:37

You know he's shared all your pictures to his mates right ?

He's done 'stuff' before and you have forgiven him. You do all the house stuff and work full time and he's saved his mates girlfriends naked pictures?

  1. Tell the poor girlfriend that her boyfriend is passing around her pictures.
  2. Leave him.
  3. He doesn't love you.
  4. He's not sorry. He's only saying that because you fall for his bullshit everytime.

This

BadNomad · 28/12/2022 19:47

There is so much wrong here. Men sharing photos of naked women as if they are nothing but wank fodder. You know your partner will have shown his friend photos of you. There is no way this was a one-off. You don't know where your photos have gone after that. These are men with zero respect for women. You asked what would others do - well, this relationship would be over and he would be told that if he has shared any photos of me I will be reporting him to the police.

CoorieInByTheFire · 28/12/2022 19:52

purpledalmation · 28/12/2022 19:15

Get all photos deleted from phone and Cloud. He shows them to other guys.

Too late for that, he’ll just get them back from one of his disgusting friends ‘special folder’. Oh and you definitely need to tell the other girl, and personally I’d both go to the police.

Crazypaving22 · 28/12/2022 20:19

'I don’t know is it without her consent as I confront his friend and he said it’s only me thinking it’s bad to show pic like that… '

You've spoken to her boyfriend not her, so his words are meaningless. If (and this is a big 'if') she has consented, is this really a group you want to be involved with anymore.

If images have been shared without consent (hers or yours) this is a criminal offence. It's really serious.

Your children deserve better, they deserve to see their mother respected and treated well.

Fireflygal · 28/12/2022 20:48

Are you in the UK? This is highly unlikely to be without the girlfriends consent. Do you really think she would agree to this?

You have caught him this time - What else do you think he might have done?

No man who does this respects women, even you. Do you have daughters?

monsteramunch · 28/12/2022 21:12

I don’t know is it without her consent as I confront his friend and he said it’s only me thinking it’s bad to show pic like that…

Which strongly implies that all your partner's friends have seen your intimate pictures too, Im afraid.

Tolatetotheparty · 28/12/2022 21:26

You sound very submissive and totally focused on pleasing your man. I think you need to look at what you want in life/out of an intimate relationship and take action accordingly. He is not going to change even if you confront him. He sounds the type that will gaslight you and turn it round to you being uptight and possessive. Decide what your boundaries are for you not him.

Lola9565 · 28/12/2022 21:34

I think you have given him everything that any man could possibly want and yet he has still completely disrespected you. This isn’t your fault at all, you can only give so much in a relationship so this is down to his personality and morals. I suspect like others have mentioned that he probably has shared your photos with mates or even posted them on websites where men pat each other on their backs to show what a man he is for having such a beautiful and sexy partner. It’s an ego trip for him but he’s been sneaky and devious with total disregard for you, the mother of his children. Him keeping his mates girlfriend photo is another red flag. It sounds like you won’t change him so you either live with him but put some firm boundaries in place. No photos anymore of you in intimate settings, delete all his photos of you like that and monitor his behaviour more closely over the next few weeks etc. You may find you’ll never trust him again, it would be hard for most women and if you decide to end your relationship don’t think of it as being over “just a photo “ it will be because he betrayed you and broke your trust. It’s hard to regain that and only you know if you can forgive him yet again. You deserve so much more than this and I think you need to really stand up for yourself over this, show him you’re not going to put up with this. Perhaps a spell on his own in a grotty bed sit somewhere might make him rethink what he has at home. It might give you time to gather your thoughts Of whether you still want him in your life. It’s a tough time for you but you need to find the strength within you to either go it alone or stay with him but only on your terms from now on. Good luck !

usern1272022 · 29/12/2022 22:18

You say not to say "kick him out" but you want to know what we'd do in your shoes. Well, I'd kick him out.

It's disrespectful and sleazy. And does his best mate's gf know that her NAKED picture has been shared and not saved in your partner's phone? That's crossing the line so I'd also tell her about it too. It's actually shocking how many women send photos to someone that they think they can trust and get betrayed in that way.

And what's to say that your partner hasn't shared your photos with the best friend?

You sound like your self-esteem is fairly low so you need to work on building yourself up, getting stronger, respecting yourself more.

Do you want your children to grow up thinking that all of this is healthy? If you can't walk away for yourself, do it for your children.

And again, please please please tell this girl that her picture has been shared. She deserves to know, and she deserves better.

Leomii81 · 29/12/2022 22:35

Disgusting get rid if the vile man he's no doubt showing ure pictures to his m8

Vaccine001 · 29/12/2022 22:47

Your partner is a creepy pervert and you're naive and submissive.

Twen · 29/12/2022 22:57

Oh god this is absolutely revolting. He does not deserve a nano second of your time. I can categorically say I would leave and never look back. Trust gone, totally disgusting behaviour.

Pallisers · 29/12/2022 23:03

They are swapping photos. God knows where else your photos are.

Sorry OP I know you don't want to have to face this. I'd dump him and call the police.

I would also call his friend's girlfriend and tell her what is going on. She is also being abused and exploited by her boyfriend

Dery · 29/12/2022 23:18

“There is so much wrong here. Men sharing photos of naked women as if they are nothing but wank fodder. You know your partner will have shown his friend photos of you. There is no way this was a one-off. You don't know where your photos have gone after that. These are men with zero respect for women. You asked what would others do - well, this relationship would be over and he would be told that if he has shared any photos of me I will be reporting him to the police.”

This. Also as PPs have said, you sound very submissive and seem to think your life should be all about pleasing the man in your life. Bollocks to that. That’s not how a healthy, equal relationship functions and it’s a terrible example for children.

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