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Original poster

Would you be ok with this ?

27 replies

ok1992 · 28/12/2022 14:02

Hello

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas,

I have a dilemma.

So me and my husband have been having a few issues, we been abit lost with where we are,
So I remember him telling me his cousin is visiting from a different country in the new year. He hasn't seen him in over 8 years. He is going to go to London to see him.
What I don't remember him mentioning to me is he is going to visit him on the 31st December which obviously means we won't be spending new year together, now we have been together for 5 years but he has only been living here for the last 2 years, so this would be our second new years.
Now I'm really hurt about this, now I'll be spending new years alone and to me it's very selfish of him to organise seeing him on new years without asking if I'm ok also it feels like he doesn't give a damn about me because surely he would want to spend new years with his own wife?

Am I crazy here ? Or would you be annoyed/hurt too?

OP posts:
OatFox · 28/12/2022 14:11

I'd be annoyed that this wasn't brought up beforehand but I wouldn't get too het up over it. It's just an evening. Why don't you go with them?

urrrgh46 · 28/12/2022 14:12

Why wouldn't/can't you go with him?

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/12/2022 14:12

It sounds like you need to work on your “other issues” in the new year and whether they can be resolved, rather than focus on this particular day. Do you generally feel as though your relationship isn’t considered a priority for him?

Unless specific plans had already been booked and paid for then no, it wouldn’t bother me. I’d prioritise a family member making a rare visit from abroad over what sounds like the planned alternative of the two of you just sitting at home together on NYE, which is really just another evening. Nothing actually magically happens at midnight, you could celebrate the new year together the night afterwards if you really wanted to and the effect would be the same.

Create10 · 28/12/2022 14:17

I can understand you being hurt that it is only just being mentioned now, but if someone is visiting from another country I think it's right that he goes. Can you go with him, or can you arrange to see friends instead?

Original poster
ok1992 · 28/12/2022 14:18

urrrgh46 · 28/12/2022 14:12

Why wouldn't/can't you go with him?

I'm working and he's booked time off for this

OP posts:
Swimawayyy · 28/12/2022 14:19

I agree, go with him. Don’t ask… just tell him you’re joining him x

Original poster
ok1992 · 28/12/2022 14:22

I'm more annoyed that's it's been arranged for new years as like I mentioned this is only our second new years together. And he's being very coi on the details of when he's going where he's staying, how long for ect.

I suppose it does help hearing people wouldn't be that bothered so I guess it's just me. And maybe I'm just sad because of issues we have been having.

OP posts:
Original poster
ok1992 · 28/12/2022 14:23

Swimawayyy · 28/12/2022 14:19

I agree, go with him. Don’t ask… just tell him you’re joining him x

I would of liked to of gone too, but I'm working and can't get out of work.

OP posts:
biedrona · 28/12/2022 14:30

ok, so its more about issues you've been having as a couple rather than him making plans on NYE.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 28/12/2022 14:32

Is cousin code for ow would be my thinking...

Original poster
ok1992 · 28/12/2022 14:41

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 28/12/2022 14:32

Is cousin code for ow would be my thinking...

Sorry what I don't understand?

OP posts:
MyGrandmaLizzie · 28/12/2022 14:47

OW is abbreviation for Other Woman

Byfleet · 28/12/2022 14:54

My DH is from another country so he sometimes has to prioritise visiting relatives and travelling to visit them at times that aren’t great for me. It’s inevitable if you live in a different country. I also don’t think it’s a big deal not to see each other on NYE and I don’t think it being your second year of being together has any significance at all. If you plan to be together forever there is no way at all you will look back and think it was a terrible thing to not have spent one NYE together.

These are my feelings about it. I have been with DH for 30 years and I have perspective on these things. The thing is though, your feelings are different from mine and your feelings are important. For some reason this situation makes you feel sad and insecure.That is what you should be addressing. Look to your whole relationship and see what it is that is making you feel this way and see if you can do something about it. He should be leaving you in no doubt about his live and commitment so that one NYE away from home does not bother you.

Dacadactyl · 28/12/2022 14:56

"It's only our 2nd new years together"

And???

I wouldn't give this a second thought. Like if this is all you've got to be het up about, your life is a dream.

marrymeadam · 28/12/2022 19:27

If you are working why does it matter? You wouldn't be there anyway

NotToBeOrToBe · 28/12/2022 19:30

But you are working so you wouldn't be together anyway?

Original poster
ok1992 · 28/12/2022 19:32

NotToBeOrToBe · 28/12/2022 19:30

But you are working so you wouldn't be together anyway?

I'm working till 10, and the following day but at night we would of been together.

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 28/12/2022 19:34

So you are expecting your partner to sit at home on his own until 10pm to wait for you to come home from work and to spend a couple hours with you?
Rather than see a visiting cousin?
You sound very selfish and self absorbed to be honest

Megapint · 28/12/2022 19:36

You're working so it makes perfect sense he would use the time to meet up with a visiting relative.

userh79 · 28/12/2022 19:39

You're working till 10pm? YABU.

OatFox · 28/12/2022 19:39

Jesus, you're working until 10pm and expect him not to see a cousin he hasn't seen in 8 years to see you for two hours and give you a midnight kiss?

In the most kind way possible, get a grip.

LemonTT · 28/12/2022 19:43

ok1992 · 28/12/2022 19:32

I'm working till 10, and the following day but at night we would of been together.

Show quote history

it is bit churlish to expect someone to wait in on their own when they have an option to celebrate.

realistically when would you be home and settled.

Byfleet · 28/12/2022 20:07

OP I feel for you, this is obviously important for you and it seems that you are a bit anxious about your relationship generally. But what most people here are saying is that it’s not really a bad or unusual thing for him to do. Your anxieties could make the relationship worse. Plan something nice for another time.

Really sorry to do this and I know it’s frowned upon on MN but you have made a few mistakes with would. It’s usually followed by have rather than of.

We would of have been together

Sorry but I am an English language teacher and can’t help it!

tirednewmumm · 28/12/2022 21:03

Honestly I haven't felt like this about NYE since I was a teen and it was a big deal whether you got snogged at midnight so wouldn't be a big problem for DH and I to be apart. We don't always even stay up to see the new Year in lol are you quite young? It might be the other issues in your relationship making it seem worse. Can you go for a nice lunch or night out early jan to celebrate the start of 2023?

RewildingAmbridge · 28/12/2022 21:09

I wouldn't give two hoots! NYE and your working until ten, by the time you get home, given you're working again the following day I'm guessing you'll be ready for bed.
DH said today, I'm planning to meet up with John (friend) one evening this weekend, he's back from his trip. I don't think he's even thought it's new year, I said that's fine let me know when , often they'll order a takeaway etc so I'll give DS a simple tea then make something for myself later on that the rest of the family don't like, usually mushroom risotto!