DP/DH angry at you when you’re ill?

[Justill]

Why would an otherwise nice man and good dad turn withdrawn and sullen when I am ill in bed? Psychologically I am asking what is typically happening in this situation. I’m just talking colds and flu.

Is he irrationally frightened of having to take me on as a responsibility, am I his ‘caretaker’ or worse his ‘mother’ and this is his fear reaction? Is it not wanting sole responsibility for the DC? He’s already the main breadwinner. My own job is not going to be at risk from this illness.

I’m pissed off because being ill for a few days is shit enough without having to deal with someone else’s bad reactions to it. Also because my nursing care is great. His is shit to nonexistent. The kids are better. Why?

It’s old fashioned selfishness
they care about themselves and expect us to run about after them but won’t do the same in return

selfish and self-centred.

Tbh I feel slightly guilty now because I am impatient with my DH when he's ill too.

In our case it's because we have nursery age kids who bring bugs home and I get them first and half kill myself trying to forge on and care for poorly children.

Then just as the rest of us are at our most knackered but technically just the turning point into grumpy stuck at home recovery, my husband catches symptoms and goes into Mass Performative Coughing mode and takes to his bed.

Every single time.

My ex changed when I got cancer. 30years and he couldn't help me, sulked about making a brew. If I couldn't cook, then he'd offer me cheese on toast rather than him cooking.
It was the end of our relationship, I'm better alone

He missed the “in sickness and in health” part of the marriage and the things he values you for (wifework, housework) etc aren’t being done. Essentially it’s like how I’d be annoyed if my dishwasher broke and I had to wash everything up, but imagine my dishwasher is sentient and has emotions. You’re a broken appliance to him

I was very ill the other day, after dropping DD off at school I tucked myself up on the sofa and askewed all of the housework for the day!
DH came in and had a go at me for not doing the washing up! divorce is in the air over here!