Horrible Christmas and I hate myself for being so weak

[horriblechristmas2022]

I caught my boyfriend of a year messaging another women on Christmas Day while we were lying in bed together

But it course instead of kicking him out I pleaded with him to stay with me

I hate myself for being so weak

He has become to become unpleasant and entitled and this is the final straw I just don't know why I fear being alone so much or fear the break up

Ugh, get rid, do you really want to spend your whole life miserable & unable to trust the one person you should be able to trust more in the world?

Life is to short. You can do this.

Throw him out. That’s no life. Work on yourself and your self-esteem and learn to be happy on your own. Think about it OP - if this was a friend, what would you advise?

That's really shitty, I really hope you find the strength to end it

What an arsehole! Leave him you deserve much better!

What a shit bag! You deserve do much better. At least you found out now rather than years down the line. How old are you OP?

I remember something similar, didn't challenge at the time, just gathered more evidence and observed, but while that happened it put me off him, so I kinda engineered an ending for a different reason, made it so that he ended it. Same outcome, but that way I didn't have to get the gumption to do it myself, or get gaslighted, lied to etc.
Anything you could say or do to put him off you? I disinvited him from a planned family and friends holiday for my birthday, that did the trick. It was honest as I truly believed I'd of been more on edge with him there so said I preferred him not to go. Bingo! Job done he ended it and there was less nastiness that way.

Unpleasant, entitled, and messaging an OW next to you in bed on Christmas Day?

OP, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. Surely creating a rewarding life as a single person would be preferable to enduring the degradation perpetrated by this faithless, contemptuous man.

He needs to go, pronto.

Oh mate. We can all make a mistake in the shock of the moment. You can't live based on giving someone permission to treat you like shit and it sounds like you well know it.

Good for you and time to reclaim your dignity. Get rid.

You fear being alone because you hate yourself. When someone else is around, you have a chance of being loved. If it's just you... well, that's just a bunch of negative judgement.

If you were lovely to yourself, and saw yourself in a positive light, and did lovely things for yourself and offered yourself lovely treats and experiences on a regular basis, you'd like being alone. Try it now? What would feel like a treat? Do that.

That's awful. You know you need to get shot of him.
Find your anger OP. It's in there somewhere. This bloke will crush your self esteem if you let him.

The hardest part of dumping him will be the first few minutes.

Thank you everyone

It was a pretty crappy day and I know I deserve better
At least we don't live together and he isn't here now so I can get my act together and get rid of him

You deserve better, pack his shit and wave him goodbye, enjoy your life. One day you'll find your forever person who loves you for you.

Ah, sorry he turned out to be a total bastard OP, and wrecked your Christmas.

Being on your own is SO much easier than being lied to, cheated on, being taken for granted and pandering to the needs of an entitled knob.

Hold your head high, dump him in style, accept no discussion, and block.

2023 is yours for the taking. Have a great year.

Don't hate yourself or feel weak. You realise he's been out of order and recognise that, it was just too much to act on Christmas day when it's all about being happy and surrounded by people etc. Now you've had a little bit of distance from that, you can deal with this on your own terms. I hope you realise you deserve much better.

Good Luck @horriblechristmas2022 with doing what you know needs to be done x

Thank you everyone

Distance is a good thing

He is going

Life is far to short to have this and all the advice has helped me feel better about myself when I was feeling so horrible

Don’t feel bad about yourself. Remember he’s the dickhead in this situation not you!

Well done op. 💐💐💐

This is an inspiring thread - your life will be so much better with him out of it! Short term pain for long term gain.

Good on you. You'll thank yourself for this in the long run 💐

You have done amazingly well.

Enjoy your life ❤️

Well done! You deserve better. Don’t beat yourself up for not breaking up immediately - it was Christmas Dat and you were blindsided! I think, while we all would love to think we could do a Beyoncé finger snap and tell the man to leave immediately, reality is very different when you’re in shock and haven’t prepared yourself (and in fact didn’t real life Beyoncé vs song Beyoncé forgive cheating??).

Well done. Onwards and upwards, and be kind to yourself.

I ve booked myself a spa weekend in Europe to recover

😊