Horrible Christmas and I hate myself for being so weak

[horriblechristmas2022]

I caught my boyfriend of a year messaging another women on Christmas Day while we were lying in bed together

But it course instead of kicking him out I pleaded with him to stay with me

I hate myself for being so weak

He has become to become unpleasant and entitled and this is the final straw I just don't know why I fear being alone so much or fear the break up

Don’t be hard on yourself - many people are certain they’d act in a particular strong way when faced with something like this, but in reality sometimes panic can overtake and then it’s only later when you properly process what you’ve found out you are able to deal with it.

Ooo that sounds lovely!!! Great start to the new year!

So true. I once heard a therapist say she'd seen countless middle-aged women too frightened to leave their unhappy marriage. They'd got used to living that way – had become 'institutionalised', in other words. It's like being in prison and hating it but being even more scared of the world outside. But that same therapist added that the vast, vast majority of women did NOT regret leaving. On the contrary, they were furious with themselves for not doing so sooner and for wasting so many years.

You are much better off on your own than in a bad relationship. Too many people (guys as well as women) think they'll be lost and lonely. But they forget that all the time they now waste trying to please a toxic, lying ass*ole could be spent building new relationships and new hobbies.

Quick fix - just text him: 'changed my mind, you're dumped'. Then block him once he has read it xD

Make sure you've changed your house locks if there's any chance he has access to keys first though. His kind don't take rejection well.

Well that's the thing if someone treats you badly and you beg them to stay they know they can treat you however they like. I'm glad you've realised you deserve better and I hope the new year brings you a lovely fresh start.

Good lass! Something better out there for you x

There is something wrong with me

I am still engaging with the fucker

What's worse is that he is gaslighting me and being unpleasant

I really need to sort myself out, grow a back bone and end it for good

I can't tell anyone in real life as they would be so horrified with me so I use this for my support

In what way engaging? You have a joint child so there will need to be some contact.

No kids with him thankfully

Just still talking nicely to him

Oh sorry mixed you up with another poster!

just block him. Do it now and cut contact.

I don't think I have ever been this unhappy about a man

Because I haven't ended it at all

I am letting him fade me out

Just block him?

Well done on getting rid.
Enjoy your spa trip!

Oh god, how sad and humiliating for you, do,you understand what’s caused you to behave like this? To let a man treat you like this and beg for more?

Hello lovely, hope you are ok

It's not easy to let go but try - you are worth it! Even if it's tough in the short term it's better than staying xx

You can end it in your head first and come to terms with it and then tell him when you want. If you want to start ignoring him first, not being so responsive, etc you can as you don't live together. Ao it's easier to manage. Although it might help to write a letter and post it to him so you don't have to deal with his response, which would probably be along the lines of 'you're crazy', it was only a text, then turning it back onto you. Just get all your stuff back from his before you send it. Break ups are crap but he did you a favour.

Don’t bear yourself up.

I was I this exact situation & it took me a few goes to shut things down completely. What helped me:

Turning it around:

• Do I want to be with a man who messages other women?

• Do I want to be with a man who died this on Christmas Day?

• while we were lying in bed together?

Amd then I could also give him this:
I don’t want to be with a man who messages other women, etc.

It is normal that the thing that has trapped you becomes powerful & difficult to leave. Focus on your brilliant, relaxing, peaceful, self-living future ahead. Your spa day will be amazing and you will claw back the best fan you can have - YOU!

I was the same - scared to be alone. It took me 3 attempts to end it with him. He drew me back each time. You won’t be alone because you will have us supporting you. Also, there’s nothing more attractive & alluring to men than a woman who’s got her shit together.

*Beat!

Also, make sure you block him on everything & it may be helpful to block or stay away from mutual friends. If they are true friends of yours, they will understand.

Letting him back in your life is a disaster waiting to happen. Take the courage to stop talking to him this is the only way out.

Thank you everyone

I have woken up feeling much stronger

Hi OP.

Did you experience abandonment in childhood? An absent parent? Or an emotionally unavailable one? This may explain why in the face of betrayal, you clung onto him. Fear of abandonment.

I would seriously consider doing some therapy to help.

Enjoy your spa weekend.

Please do not engage with him further.
A quick text saying "it's over" and no other words. Then block him.
You will feel so much relief! Maybe not right away but stick to your guns and you will come out of this so much stronger ❤️