I’m his the one that got away…

[bananainpjs]

I did a placement year as part of University. I worked alongside a guy who was about 2/3 years older than me (so had already finished uni) and we got on really well. Had amazing chemistry etc. He had a gf at the time so didn’t go any further really.
I finished the placement to go back to university. He ended up getting a job based in the same town and near my university and his gf broke up with him. He bought me a really expensive perfume from him only (every other present was a collection from the team) so I assumed he was hinting…and we could get to know each other more.
But alas, absolutely nothing happened during my last year of uni. We never met up or anything, quite the opposite. He was playing games, ringing me out of the blue for advice about a girl he was getting to know, asking me to find a girl for him etc. I didn’t pursue him etc because I hate games and he knew I was single. I thought he wanted me to beg to be with him but I have more self worth that that and we lost touch. He then got married and divorced and then got back in touch with me after, fishing to see if I was with someone. I was (my now DH) and as soon as I told him that, he stopped communicating again.

My friend is married to one of his best friends. He confided in him that I am the one that got away for him and he regrets not pursuing me. I am not sure what he means? We never dated. He never told me he had feelings. I was shy and inexperienced and he knew that so if he would have pursued something…I would have happily accepted! I was literally there on a plate! He got a job in the same town as my final uni, if the starts weren’t more aligned for him to make a move, I don’t know! It’s like his chickened out.

it’s been 15 years since we worked together and I do think of him and think of what could have been. I love my husband but I had such amazing chemistry with this guy.
I wish we could be friends…I would love to have him in my life but he blows such cold and won’t be friends with me and I don’t know why! He deleted me off all his social media etc.

I don’t really know what I want from this post. Just a rant really.

Look, jokes aside (a lot of my posts are tongue in cheek so don't take it too seriously) I think this guy is best left forgotten. You've had a history with him that doesn't seem completely platonic and I don't think you will get much out of the friendship. If you do pursue a friendship, I fear the mind games will begin again and this time DH will be dragged into it.

we are not in contact. I haven’t heard from him since 2016. My friend just recently told me this info in my OP. I am not going to pursue a friendship just like I did not pursue his mind games.

So why the post and the headroom? You must have checked his social media to know he has blocked you

He played mind games then, and still doing it now. I suspect that he knew exactly what he was saying claiming you were the one that got away, and he told a person he knew it would get back to you from, via your friend.
He's a bit of a mess, not relationship material, possibly why he is divorced now. Just forget and move on, if you really crave a male friend, find it with someone you've never fancied otherwise its just pretending to be friends.

I agree men spout this kind of stuff all the time. It’s ego massaging.

not sure why your hankering after a friendship with him? If you have enough with your husband and other friends - there’s no need to be friends. It would be stirring the pot.
he messaged you to see if you’re single - you’re not - he didn’t bother with anything else. I think that says it all. He’s not interested in a friendship - he’s only interested if you were single.

OP it’s ok to feel flattered about being ‘the one who got away’. Everyone appreciates the odd ego boost.

But leave it at that and try to move on. He’s a player. Was then and he is now. He knew you would get told that. He wants you to hanker after him which is what he was doing all those years ago. Playing and toying with a young woman he knew was inexperienced.
You are right- he didn’t want a relationship with you then and he has never wanted a friendship. He wanted/wants you to be thinking about him. He wanted you dangling.

It’s normal to feel a flutter and a bit of excitement about entertaining the idea men other than our husbands might find us attractive or desirable but it’s dangerous territory to give it more than a moments attention. It’s not real- especially when it’s a man like that.

You don’t want a friendship with this man. Focus on what matters in your life and forget this chancer.

Sorry if I'm coming across as having a go, but I just don't get why you are sparing him a single thought. He was a twat and thankfully you are now happy with you dh. Doesn't make sense unless what he supposedly said gave you a spark of hope after so long

He’s just fucking with you, op. Ignore, block, whatever. You’re married.

Blimey, if my partner posted something like this, I would be devastated.

You're emotionally invested in a non-relationship that never even happened.

Either give your husband the respect he deserves, or be honest with him, split up and pursue this 'chancer'.

No, thank you for being firm with me. It’s a lot of food for thought.

Like I said I would have loved to have had a platonic relationship with him based on our career paths which is niche.

I WAS NOT upset to hear he was married or happy that he got divorced. When he contacted me to see if I was single and he was newly divorced. I was getting to know my now DH (we were not yet married). He stopped talking to me because I made it evidently clear DH was the one for me, even though I was not married to him at the time. If I wanted an ego boost, i could have downplayed my relationship with my now DH and see if “our time” has come with this guy. I did not!

I think I am more annoyed and ranting he’s said “i am the one who got away” because all his actions show otherwise and I am annoyed he can’t be just normal and we can have a friendship based on our career paths. I am mates with 1/2 individuals that I thought I liked (they didn’t know) but it’s purely platonic now which could have been with him (as he didn’t actually know I liked him neither).

I think he means the one that he didn't manage to sleep with. He could have pursued a relationship, you're right. He didn't because he didn't want to. He now regrets he can't say you shagged.

Steer well clear or you'll risk making a fool of yourself.

Sorry but if you were totally fulfilled in your marriage and life this guy would not have even registered on your radar.
Leave him in the past and move on. Words are cheap and most men know how much women love to be sweet talked. Don't be a cliché

Amazing chemistry?...... leave well alone OP.

Of course he knew you liked him.

Gee whiz @bananainpjs you really are overthinking this in a very convoluted way. Friendship in a niche area hmmmmmm......