Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can you recommend me a dating app?

53 replies

Strangerontheshore · 27/12/2022 13:53

I'm early 50s, been divorced 10 years and during that time had one relationship with someone I met IRL. That ended a while back and I'm now ready to dating again.

I'm considering OLD but have no idea where to start. Not interested in hook ups or anything like that, just dating with a view to eventually finding a like minded soul to share life with. Which apps/sites do you recommend?

OP posts:
Original poster
Strangerontheshore · 27/12/2022 15:31

Tinder, Match?? Which others?

OP posts:
PretzelVanderspling · 27/12/2022 15:51

Bumble. I met my now DH on there.

Original poster
Strangerontheshore · 27/12/2022 15:55

PretzelVanderspling · 27/12/2022 15:51

Bumble. I met my now DH on there.

Thank you!

This is all very daunting. Been putting it off for ages.

OP posts:
forththeroast · 27/12/2022 15:55

Do not bother. Seriously.

Original poster
Strangerontheshore · 27/12/2022 15:56

forththeroast · 27/12/2022 15:55

Do not bother. Seriously.

One of the reasons I've been putting it off it's I've heard it's brutal.

OP posts:
Happywife22 · 27/12/2022 16:36

Match.com
im 43 and I met my husband on there last year after trying other sites for a year
there is someone out there for you, you just have to find him

MyNameisMathilda · 27/12/2022 16:45

I know many couples who have met online, myself included and a close friend. I was on Match and POF and met my H on POF. You just need to be aware that it is a process and a numbers game. Set your standards and stick to them. Yes a whole load of shit will appear - the randoms who message everyone with some useless Hi but if you are sensible then you will soon weed them out.

supercali77 · 27/12/2022 17:53

Hinge. Made a lot of friends and met the DP on there

justsayso · 27/12/2022 18:02

Muddy Matches! For countryside people/farmers/outdoorsy people. You pay a subscription but that in itself can weed out people looking for hook ups.

PotteringPondering · 27/12/2022 18:41

I've found Bumble by far the best of the free sites.

EBearhug · 27/12/2022 18:53

None of the free sites will be free of men looking for hookups, but there are genuine men out there. It's definitely numbers.

I've used Tinder, Bumble and OKCupid- they're all much of a muchness, just some differences in the interface. I signed up for Match but found the app unuseable and deleted it after about a day. I think I've probably had most dates from OKCupid, but I'd need to check my spreadsheet. I did find I needed to keep track...

Warspite · 27/12/2022 19:08

Lots of my colleagues met and married/cohabited via OLD. Some lovely success stories but also some dross and heartbreaks. Some real users out there.
For example, I know of a man who was engaged but going through a tough patch and signed up to Match and another site.

Within days he latched onto a mature wealthy woman and slept with her. Spent a ton of money on her (love bombing and promised exclusivity.)
Neither are young by any stretch of the imagination.
He came to his senses all the while having maintained contact with his long term (years) fiancé who found out.
He dumped the Match.com woman and his fiancé took him back. (I’ve nothing to say about that decision!)

Beware of liars and players. They are rife however old they are.

It’s a zoo out there so keep your antennae up and if your gut says NO, listen to your gut.

EBearhug · 27/12/2022 19:40

Some lovely success stories but also some dross and heartbreaks.

Bit like real life, then.

EarthSight · 27/12/2022 19:52

justsayso · 27/12/2022 18:02

Muddy Matches! For countryside people/farmers/outdoorsy people. You pay a subscription but that in itself can weed out people looking for hook ups.

I've heard a good logical argument laid out which discourages paying for any app. The people who pay might be people who've been on the apps for a reason....so all your buying is access to men that have had to pay for some reason.

EarthSight · 27/12/2022 19:53

The people who pay might be people who've been on the apps for ages for a reason*

EarthSight · 27/12/2022 19:55

PotteringPondering · 27/12/2022 18:41

I've found Bumble by far the best of the free sites.

How do you uninstall it? Seems impossible! They really don't want to let you go which convinces me further that these apps have no strong incentive to match you with the person - they just want to pull you back in there to keep scrolling and keep giving them revenue.

Original poster
Strangerontheshore · 27/12/2022 20:03

Thank you all your responses. It's really helping me get my head around giving it a go!

OP posts:
PotteringPondering · 27/12/2022 20:15

EarthSight · 27/12/2022 19:55

How do you uninstall it? Seems impossible! They really don't want to let you go which convinces me further that these apps have no strong incentive to match you with the person - they just want to pull you back in there to keep scrolling and keep giving them revenue.

Show quote history

If that's a genuine question about uninstalling Bumble, the answer is:
• Go to your Profile (head & shoulders icon, bottom left)
• Click on the Settings cog (top right)
• Scroll down to bottom and you'll see Delete Account

Ilovelurchers · 27/12/2022 20:55

I found my husband on Tinder. I swiped lots of men right so I got lots of matches, and chatted to any of them who would message me back on line until I felt I got a feel for them - which was often really quick to be honest! My now husband is the only one I actually met up with for a date, but I recall there were a fair few others who seemed nice who I would happily have met if he hadn't happened to be free first!

I set my age limit 40-60 (I am early 40s) - I'm not stunning but reasonably attractive within normal limits - I put a fair bit of info on my profile (my politics, some interests,the fact I was a single mother) and tried to make it a bit funny too. Oh, and I wasn't fussy in the way some friends I have are about what the bloke did for a living, how much money he seemed to have, whether or not he had kids etc. I wasn't TOO fussy about looks either, tho I only swiped guys who weren't hideous, and actually my dh is objectively a total stunner, but I just got lucky there.....

Good luck OP. OLD gets a lot of slagging but I loved it personally!

Supernormative · 27/12/2022 21:13

I met my partner on Tinder and we are both middle aged. Met some dross but there were also some decent blokes on there.

xfan · 27/12/2022 21:28

"I wasn't TOO fussy about looks either, tho I only swiped guys who weren't hideous"

If your standards are low you'll be fine on OLD, it's an absolute cesspit!

ThisWormHasTurned · 28/12/2022 07:25

I’ve tried Bumble, Hinge, Tinder and Facebook dating. I’d agree they’re all much of a muchness but I’d say Bumble and Hinge were better. I’ve been on dates from all of them (ha that sounds bad, 7 dates since August!). The two of Bumble both seemed genuine. Bumble is nice because you get to make the first move. That’s where I met my current fella (feels weird to use boyfriend when we’re in our 40s!).
I think you need to be prepared - some just won’t reply (make sure you don’t start with “Hi how are you?”!), some will chat but never want to meet (be wary of those who suggest moving off the app quickly or moving to Snapchat, they usually want to sext and if they want to sext they rarely want to date). Chances are if you’re chasing, following up messages they’re not that interested!
I’ve learned to take it a date at a time, no big expectations. After all the game playing and second guessing, I’ve met someone who likes me for me..it was worth dating a few frogs first 😂

EBearhug · 28/12/2022 08:04

Not had one ask to move to Snapchat, just WhatsApp.

anotherdisaster · 28/12/2022 10:31

Something else to be aware of with the apps. Bumble, for example.... if you've had a profile on there for a while you get pushed down the algorithm. Someone told me you have to keep deleting your profile and starting a new one to get access to more people. You really are fighting a losing battle with the apps.

Ilovelurchers · 28/12/2022 10:56

xfan · 27/12/2022 21:28

"I wasn't TOO fussy about looks either, tho I only swiped guys who weren't hideous"

If your standards are low you'll be fine on OLD, it's an absolute cesspit!

Well my husband is fucking gorgeous and I am not bad and we were on there! And loads of perfectly decent people I know met their partners on there too.

Obviously everybody on there isn't going to be to everyone's tastes - we are all attracted to different people (and it's a good job too!). But I don't think there are that many people in the world, who warrant being described as constituents of a dating "cess-pit" - it's a bit harsh!

Agree OLD is not for everyone tho. I enjoy meeting people and even in non-internet dating have always been willing to give a fair few people a try dating-wise, even if they don't immediately appear to be "my type". Sometimes people surprise you.....