Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you be suspicious of this text

66 replies

Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 13:26

Me and my other half live at a distance, and have a very fulfilling relationship with constant contact and lots of love both sides. We did have some bad times and seem to have overcome them. So at the moment things are amazing and settled between us. Anyway this morning he sent me this picture message that had a loving sweet sentiment on it “being away from your lover is painful, but would rather that than ever love anyone else”

The problem is, it was forwarded. I honestly can’t think of any logical rational explanation for this apart from that another woman sent it to him. I’ve certainly not ever sent it to him and him resending it. It was on WhatsApp. My heads a bit all over the place. I have responded saying, that’s such a sweet and true message, but it was forwarded, so can I ask who sent it to you?

now I’m thinking if there’s another explanation I just look suspicious and mean.

so please tell me if there is or if you’d be wondering the same.

OP posts:
dontputitthere · 27/12/2022 14:14

Oh he says it's YOUR problem if you don't like it when he tells other women he fancies them.

Right. Seriously. What would you tell a friend who said this to you?

Where the hell is your bar? Why is it on the floor?

YouTarzan · 27/12/2022 14:18

Right. Well forwarded messages are the least of your problems.

YoBeaches · 27/12/2022 14:38

Let's be clear, he is not such a stud that women fall over themselves for him and he is being kind by telling them he fancies them in order to be kind.

What a load of shite. He's had you up the garden path OP. Time to move on. Your forwarded what's app message os borderline evidence that he's having his own twinky twanky this Christmas.

PointyMcguire · 27/12/2022 14:38

Just to add if I share an image I’ve sent to someone else it also shows as forwarded, so it might be that he’s sent the quote to someone else and then forwarded to you too.

Original poster
Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 14:46

Ok, well he send me a message saying “what did your deleted messages say”

so I said, that’s a lovely message you sent, and I feel the same, but I suppose I’m just a bit confused by why it says it’s forwarded.

I’ll wait for his response

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 27/12/2022 14:47

Sometimes I will see something on my iPad or phone and send it to myself on the other device, whichever is easier to send text from, then I forward it to who I meant it for. Could that be it?

Climbles · 27/12/2022 14:54

He is playing the field and can barely even be bothered to lie about it.

Original poster
Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 15:08

He said he was searching for stuff and he forwarded it to his own WhatsApp number to send later. I don’t get how this works, forwarded from where. Don’t want to ask, don’t want to be suspicious

OP posts:
iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 27/12/2022 15:21

Don't want to be seen as suspicious? Or are you no longer suspicious?

KvotheTheBloodless · 27/12/2022 15:26

dontputitthere · 27/12/2022 14:14

Oh he says it's YOUR problem if you don't like it when he tells other women he fancies them.

Right. Seriously. What would you tell a friend who said this to you?

Where the hell is your bar? Why is it on the floor?

This.

MysteryBelle · 27/12/2022 15:27

Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 15:08

He said he was searching for stuff and he forwarded it to his own WhatsApp number to send later. I don’t get how this works, forwarded from where. Don’t want to ask, don’t want to be suspicious

This was exactly what I suggested. Sometimes I send something to myself to remember to send ‘forward’ it the person I meant it for. I guess if I were you, I’d work out exactly what he did to put my mind at rest, since he has past behavior that causes you to wonder.

YoBeaches · 27/12/2022 15:30

Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 15:08

He said he was searching for stuff and he forwarded it to his own WhatsApp number to send later. I don’t get how this works, forwarded from where. Don’t want to ask, don’t want to be suspicious

And exactly due to your lack of asking and suspicion that he gets away with it.

He's playing field without doubt.

astronewt · 27/12/2022 15:36

I think once you're at the point that you're test-forwarding stuff on WhatsApp and polling the internet about the precise application of the "forwarded" label, you need to acknowledge to yourself that the relationship isn't working, and the "why" doesn't really matter all that much.

Original poster
Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 15:44

How much can you trust any other human. People are fallible and think differently. Yes I do trust, he explained and did so with lots of love, and said he would ask the same also. And yea I understand peoples point about his different ways to me of dealing with people who try it on. Can’t change the way he thinks, he makes a ton of effort with me to show I’m loved and honestly don’t think he is so shallow to be doing the same with other females, but like I said how much can you trust another person, just got to enjoy what you have a work to make it special.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 27/12/2022 15:50

"how much can you trust another person"
100% healthy long term relationships are l fundamentally based on trust and shared values.

just got to enjoy what you have a work to make it special"

So you've settled then? And you e settled for someone you don't fully trust or fully have shared values with.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/12/2022 15:57

He thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to reciprocate sexual desire for other females “as long as he doesn’t do anything” as a result he’s told lots of other women he fancies them in the few years we’ve been together. He swears nothing has come of that. He refuses to see it as wrong

Epic drip feed.

It's contentious I know, but my personal experience of LTRs is that expecting sexual monogamy is a shortcut to disappointment and drama. Don't ask, don't tell, and don't catch anything has always worked for me.

IsThePopeCatholic · 27/12/2022 16:05

Op, he’s taking you for a fool. Any man who tells other women he fancies them is a twat and totally untrustworthy. I would be fuming if anyone did that to me. He obviously thinks he’s God’s gift to women and is enjoying stringing you (and probably lots of other women) along. Time to give him the heave-ho.

supercali77 · 27/12/2022 16:46

You've chosen to override your own instincts on how he deals with other women. And now you're avoiding asking direct questions bevause you don't want to seem suspicious. Even though you are. Bevause you dont trust him, your values don't align. You're betraying yourself, nothing good comes from that

ShornTheSheeep · 27/12/2022 16:55

Are you absolutely desperate to have any bloke at any cost?

What on earth are you doing?! I mean, if being disrespected, cheated on and made a fool of rocks your boat, then crack on but I'd recommend some counselling

Original poster
Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 17:19

You’re quite opinionated aren’t you? Actually no I was single by choice for about 6 years and very very picky, not much catches my eye. But thanks for your comment. You imply he’s cheated etc, but for me it’s more of a case of how we view things, if he was actively cheating I’d be gone. Perhaps adjust the way you say things as you come across not very pleasant

OP posts:
Lenald · 27/12/2022 17:21

Supercalafragalisti · 27/12/2022 13:45

For people asking why I would think this or that, it was an intimate message you’d send to a lover, not to a group or a friend.

secondly yea we have had issues in the past with his boundaries with other females. He thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to reciprocate sexual desire for other females “as long as he doesn’t do anything” as a result he’s told lots of other women he fancies them in the few years we’ve been together. He swears nothing has come of that. He refuses to see it as wrong, and I have put it behind me. But I find it hard to think of it as that black and white. So seeing a message like that forwarded, I couldn’t thing of a realistic explanation for it apart from as is the case on WhatsApp, it was a message sent to him that he has “forwarded” to me.

I don’t mean this horribly but you stayed with him after this so what did you expect?

This relationship is not for keeps x

ShornTheSheeep · 27/12/2022 17:23

@Supercalafragalisti don't be silly.

You are with a bloke who is treating you like shit. Why are you sitting around whilst he flirts openly with other women? Where is your self respect, your self esteem?

Will you just put up with any old shit because that's what it looks like. You're aware that in normal relationships, people don't look to sleaze over other people yes?

I know my words sound harsh and I'm sorry you're clearly feeling you're locked into this weird abnormal relationship, but it doesn't have to be this way.

ShornTheSheeep · 27/12/2022 17:24

And you're not 'very very picky'

Very very picky women don't put up with dickheads who reciprocate sexual stuff with other women.

Bizarre

pocketvenuss · 27/12/2022 17:44

Reciprocating 'sexual stuff'. What does this mean? Is it 'oh I think you are lovely but I'm in a relationship' or 'well you'd be naked and I'd be I'd fucking you if I wasn't already with someone'? The fact that you use the term 'sexual' has me wondering what he actually says to these other women

Lucinda86 · 05/01/2023 21:08

Hi :)

I am a WhatsApp/tech expert. If it says forwarded it has to have been forwarded from a message sent to him on WhatsApp from another person. Even if you send yourself a picture and then forward it to another person it won’t say forwarded, it will only say that if it’s come from a WhatsApp conversation with a 3rd party.

initially I would have said could a friend have sent it to him and said “this reminds me of your situation with your partner” however surely if that was the case he would have said that? Instead he’s said he forwarded it from himself which is impossible.

hope that helps in some way x

Swipe left for the next trending thread