Galling…

[Lola4356]

Just that really. I took my DH back after his length affair with work colleague. He has spent the best part of 18 months making me feel like I was the problem, I was the issue as he felt neglected, I didn’t wear attractive clothes, I was too fat etc, spent too much time being a mother. To yesterday, when I get a message from the OW’s husband sharing love poems my DH has been sending the OW for months, discussing his love for her and how forlorn he is.
I cannot believe the gaslighting and deceit I have endured.

@ZaraMuhammad what do you mean?

Are you blaming the OP for not doing enough?!

Take that attitude and stick it up your arse if that is what you are saying.

He is 100% at fault here, not her.

Who cares if she rejected him for sex? Who cares if she gave him a hard time? He deserved it! He’d had an affair! He is not a victim in any shape or form!

@ZaraMuhammad I'd shut up now if I was you.

As if you are blaming her?!
He is the one who disregarded his marriage vows and put it about elsewhere.

I thought we had moved on from giving our husband's sex whenever they demanded it. Obviously you haven't.

I know the type of marriage I'd rather be in, one of mutual respect rather than subservience.

What's a prick!!

Someone else will want you and to be a family unit.

STBXH can then spend every day in agony as he realises the grass isn't greener and some else is coming home to his kids.

People split up all the time and that's ok (heart breaking but it happens). What is not ok, is to cheat lie and gaslight. If he's not happy, he knows the right way to go about exiting.

Not sanctimonious just common decency.

Men are weak and stupid.

Nonsense. He’s a monster.

@ZaraMuhammad you are right to a degree. Husbands / wives have needs (not just sexual) and if they are not being met, they are of course within their right to exit.

What's NOT ok is to lie cheat and gaslight. Drag wife through therapy, making her believe it's her fault whilst continuing to see her.

Not happy, there's the door.

I have nothing but pity for you.

You are a wonderful mother and he certainly does not deserve you. Hold your head up high you've not done anything wrong. 1st step ring for a chat with a family law solicitor, you will stay in the house and kick him out. See if he's still writing love poems this time next year!!! All the best for 2023 it will be a better year for you.

The husband you fucking weapon. The solution to dissatisfaction in a marriage is never infidelity. He could have put his adult trousers on and addressed the problem, or even left her, instead he chose to be an absolute cunt. Cheating is a coward's solution, so I can only assume you share her husband's cunty yellow streak.

Sorry you married such a pathetic excuse for a man OP. At least you know now that he's just a weak, pitiable creature who can't handle not being the centre of the universe.

Ffs what world do you live in? This might be true in some cultures. Not correct but true but not in Britain in 2022 we are not here for our husband sexula satisfaction. Grow up

I once worked abroad and this colleague said his wife was all about the kids and she had no time for him. He tried to engineer situations to talk to me. I was early 20s but having none of it because I wasn't interested and in a happy relationship. Also something felt off so I avoided him. When I was leaving to come back to UK, he leaned in for a kiss and I swooped away avoidant and his face was like thunder, a complete change to the charm. Your DH no doubt has been trashing you, so let the fools listen.

Years later after reading MN I realised this man abroad was reeling off a script and his poor poor wife will have been portrayed as someone horrid, while he went and tried it on with young women.

Get a shit hot solicitor. Evidence everything.

You don't need to be worried....but he does. Karma's a bitch.

Never mind what he wants. If you can manage to keep him out of the family home, do so.
It will be horrible for you, hosting his cheating arse & feeling forced to put on a brave & happy front for the DC.

Have you encountered the marvellous ChumpLady?
www.chumplady.com/about-chump-lady/
Have a browse around, especially in the archives section.
You will find unparalleled support, advice, wisdom & even humour.

Hope you’re doing ok @Lola4356 💐💐

I second that. I hope your ex husband is suicidal.

Hi op I’m so sorry this is tough for you. He’s a bastard isn’t he.
Don’t allow access in the home - has he nowhere to take them.
You are understandably rate full - he’s a very very selfish man.
Poor me!!!
I hope you have real life support.
Keep posting - you will get some good advice on here.
You need to avoid him - communicate by email.
🌺

It's a pity ZaraMuhammed's post was deleted - it's easier to educate people if you know what rubbish they like to spout.

Thanks for everyone’s support. My husband has left but is still using the children to guilt me. Saying things like he wishes he could wake up from this nightmare but yet he had so many opportunities to. Affair has lasted probably around two years. I am so low.
He has spent so much time shouting me down that I’ve no energy left. He will be returning to work with the OW in the next couple of days. But I have to realise that he has been in a relationship now with someone for the best part of two years whilst married to me.

Well done @Lola4356 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Onwards and upwards.

Drown out his woe is me. It was ALLLLL of his own making.

Just ignore him from now on. He’ll soon realise how good he had it and be full of regret. I hope you’ve got good family support around you.

Have you spoken to a solicitor yet?