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Original poster

I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years because she ignored me

62 replies

anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:27

Two days ago we were talking normally while she was at work and I was at home (we live separately).

I dozed off at 9 pm and woke up the next morning. Everything seems normal.

I text her to ask if she's awake and she replies "Yes I just woke up". I continue the conversation and then... nothing. Left on seen on both messaging apps.

Around 24 hours later and I get a message from her: "Can we go get a cat".

What?! You're going to ignore me for a whole day and randomly ask if we can get a cat?

I reply back asking why she didn't reply to me. "Well I thought you were going to message back and ask me why I didn't reply to you. I feel like you've been ignoring me lately".

So because you felt ignored, instead of addressing it and resolving the issue you do the exact same thing to me?

For context: I've been able to text her less lately because I've been putting in extra hours each day after work to learn new programming skills. My current job contract ends soon so I need to polish my skills in order to get a better job.

And who benefits from this? Her. Who took her to Montreal 2 times this year, Florida in August, and NYC 3 weeks ago? Me. I didn't let her pay a single dime and all of that is possible in the first place because of what I work towards every single day. I even told her that if I put my head down and work extra hard for the next 6 months I can take her to even better places but of course, she cannot understand this for some reason so she assumes when I don't reply for a few hours I'm ignoring her.

Anyways, I broke it off with her because she likes playing these little games with me and messing with my head.

What would you have done in my situation?

OP posts:
FlamingJingleBells · 27/12/2022 10:36

You're making a rod for your back by bankrolling your girlfriend. From now on, any future girlfriend needs to contribute at least half of all costs. This way, you'll find out quickly who is with you for just your money & the lifestyle you provide. If you're OK with a transactional relationship & being used like this then continue as you are. If you're not, then get rid of her, be single for a while, meet new people and figure out what you want from life.

pilates · 27/12/2022 10:36

Sounds like it has run its course.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 27/12/2022 10:41

Does she actually want to go on expensive holidays more than she wants general time with you?

My FiL was a workaholic and whenever his wife got upset and she wanted him to spend more time at home he would yell at her that she was being selfish because his hard work paid for the holidays etc. Except that she never asked for the fancy holidays and would have been as happy with a cheaper one if he spent more time at home.

Getting annoyed at your partner because you are doing something to pay for expensive things is often the mark of a workaholic who is neglecting their relationship.

musingsinmidlife · 27/12/2022 10:48

You didn’t ‘let’ her pay? That is very controlling behaviour. Women should contribute 50%. Women are adults like men and should be independent, not dependent on their boyfriends. It sounds like you don’t see her as an equal.

And at 18, you took four trips to the USA / Canada this year? Something sounds off.

LimeCheesecake · 27/12/2022 10:49

Oh ok you are only 18 - of course there’s drama, you are 18. It’s normal.

now for the grown up lesson bit - until you have made a commitment (eg marriage, a child together etc) you can end a relationship for whatever reason you want. There does seem to be a prevailing society view that you need a “good enough” reason to end a relationship, but “you are not someone I want to be with now” is a good enough reason.

Aim to be single for at least 6 months as you’ve spent your entire adult life so far in a relationship with this person, and probably need a bit of time to work out who you are and what you want from a partner, but as you are a teen, I fully expect that bit of advice to be ignored. Good luck

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 27/12/2022 10:49

She sounds like a spoilt brat move on and find someone who appreciates all them holidays

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2022 10:52

anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:54

@Sometimeswinning Oh, well we are both 18. I guess this sounds immature to everyone else but this is like the 10th time I've been ignored for a day without explanation. I've had enough, maybe I'll look back at this in a few years and realize how stupid this relationship was.

Show quote history

Why are you spending all this money taking her places at your age?

Is she in college? Does she contribute?

Should be much more low-key and 50/50 at your age

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2022 10:53

Changingplace · 27/12/2022 09:54

What a load of drama over nothing, you sound very immature.

They're 18 for goodness sake!

Drama isn't that unusual at that age

PaulGallico · 27/12/2022 11:01

How do you afford payinh for two people to go on all those holidays at 18?
Think this is a normal reaction to 18 year old relationship issues.
Go out meet someone else (both of you) - that's what 18year olds do.

ButterflyOil · 27/12/2022 11:09

Can people be a bit nicer to the OP? Just because he and his girlfriend are 18 doesn’t mean their feelings aren’t real or he doesn’t deserve some advice and support. They’ve been together for three years and have travelled together - acting like they are just kids so should just shrug and move on or ‘grow up’ is a bit harsh. This is quite clearly the first ‘big’ relationship for both of them and how they navigate sorting out their communication issues or the break up will be something that could set the stage for future relationships.

MermaidEyes · 27/12/2022 11:15

musingsinmidlife · 27/12/2022 10:48

You didn’t ‘let’ her pay? That is very controlling behaviour. Women should contribute 50%. Women are adults like men and should be independent, not dependent on their boyfriends. It sounds like you don’t see her as an equal.

And at 18, you took four trips to the USA / Canada this year? Something sounds off.

I think Op is actually in the US so holidays to other states won't be like us flying over from the UK.
It all sounds very immature and drama filled to me. Op, you're 18. Work hard, find good friends and enjoy life. You're practically still a child. Plenty of time for serious equal relationships in the future.

TheShellBeach · 27/12/2022 11:20

Buying a cat when you don't live together?
How's that supposed to work?

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 11:20

@musingsinmidlife @Nanny0gg @PaulGallico and others wondering how/why I pay for these vacations.

Career context: for all 4 years I was in high school I did freelance projects for clients which let me gain a lot of experience with computer programming from a young age. I then used this experience to land my first professional job which pays $35/hr. I live with my parents so my only expenses are my phone bill and gym membership. We live in Canada so Montreal flights are only a 100 bucks. To go anywhere in the US we would just drive south for an hour, cross the US border and take a domestic flight anywhere for really cheap.

That's the how^

The why is that we both liked going places and rather spend money on experiences rather than drugs like other kids our age do.

She is in college so she can't contribute as much (I took a gap year to pursue this job).

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 27/12/2022 11:22

You live with your parents and do not contribute financially, despite earning well?

Namechangeoftheday · 27/12/2022 11:22

She sounds very immature and you’ve done the right thing by ending it. I can’t stand people who play games

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 27/12/2022 11:23

You made the right decision op.
You're building a future, she's keeping score on slights and offences.
I think it's run it's course, but no relationship is a waste or silly, we take something away from them all that is worth keeping, happy memories, lessons you learnt in what went well and what didn't. That's true for both of you.
Keep working on your skills and hold onto any resentment, your gf is making mistakes and might realise one day. If this teaches you how a God life partner shouldn't be treated that's a good thing, you can make sure you don't do that and that will mean you will be able to be in a good respectful relationship in the future.

I hope you're ok and it's ok to be sad about moving on from someone even if there was good reason to do that.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 11:25

All sounds a bit silly so yeah move on

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 27/12/2022 11:25

I also think it's brilliant you've been spending your hard earned money on travel and seeing life out there. That's exactly what you should do at any age if you can buy especially as a young adult. 👌

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 27/12/2022 11:26

Don't hold on to any resentment that should say!

Agapornis · 27/12/2022 11:28

Go be a teen for a bit.
Whatever you do, DO NOT get a cat. Poor cat.

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 11:40

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 27/12/2022 10:49

She sounds like a spoilt brat move on and find someone who appreciates all them holidays

She’s not a brat, just doesn’t understand why things work the way they do sometimes. Whatever, won’t have to deal with the explanation from now on.

OP posts:
Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 11:40

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 27/12/2022 11:23

You made the right decision op.
You're building a future, she's keeping score on slights and offences.
I think it's run it's course, but no relationship is a waste or silly, we take something away from them all that is worth keeping, happy memories, lessons you learnt in what went well and what didn't. That's true for both of you.
Keep working on your skills and hold onto any resentment, your gf is making mistakes and might realise one day. If this teaches you how a God life partner shouldn't be treated that's a good thing, you can make sure you don't do that and that will mean you will be able to be in a good respectful relationship in the future.

I hope you're ok and it's ok to be sad about moving on from someone even if there was good reason to do that.

Thank you for the great advice

OP posts:
Furdinand · 27/12/2022 11:48

Why aren't you on Reddit? Is MN really the go to for advice for teenage Canadian boys now? 🤔

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 27/12/2022 11:50

@Furdinand · Today 11:48
Why aren't you on Reddit? Is MN really the go to for advice for teenage Canadian boys now? 🤔

This

Cassillero · 27/12/2022 11:53

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2022 10:16

It sounds like you both need to grow up.

They're both 18.

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