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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years because she ignored me

62 replies

anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:27

Two days ago we were talking normally while she was at work and I was at home (we live separately).

I dozed off at 9 pm and woke up the next morning. Everything seems normal.

I text her to ask if she's awake and she replies "Yes I just woke up". I continue the conversation and then... nothing. Left on seen on both messaging apps.

Around 24 hours later and I get a message from her: "Can we go get a cat".

What?! You're going to ignore me for a whole day and randomly ask if we can get a cat?

I reply back asking why she didn't reply to me. "Well I thought you were going to message back and ask me why I didn't reply to you. I feel like you've been ignoring me lately".

So because you felt ignored, instead of addressing it and resolving the issue you do the exact same thing to me?

For context: I've been able to text her less lately because I've been putting in extra hours each day after work to learn new programming skills. My current job contract ends soon so I need to polish my skills in order to get a better job.

And who benefits from this? Her. Who took her to Montreal 2 times this year, Florida in August, and NYC 3 weeks ago? Me. I didn't let her pay a single dime and all of that is possible in the first place because of what I work towards every single day. I even told her that if I put my head down and work extra hard for the next 6 months I can take her to even better places but of course, she cannot understand this for some reason so she assumes when I don't reply for a few hours I'm ignoring her.

Anyways, I broke it off with her because she likes playing these little games with me and messing with my head.

What would you have done in my situation?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 27/12/2022 09:28

Finish. I couldn’t be done with the drama.

candycane10 · 27/12/2022 09:32

If you were aware you'd been texting less due to work or the course etc, it would've been good if you had communicated that to her so she maybe wouldn't have been left feeling insecure in the change of behaviour/texting pattern.

Having said that, he reaction has been quite immature

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:35

candycane10 · 27/12/2022 09:32

If you were aware you'd been texting less due to work or the course etc, it would've been good if you had communicated that to her so she maybe wouldn't have been left feeling insecure in the change of behaviour/texting pattern.

Having said that, he reaction has been quite immature

I did tell her quite a few times these past weeks. Whenever she asked what I'm doing I told her I'm working and I'm sorry for not replying as much but don't worry it'll benefit us both after. She knows what I'm doing when I'm not replying.

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 27/12/2022 09:36

My response depends on whether or not you had previously sat her down and explained all of this to her.

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/12/2022 09:37

Ah ok, x-post. In that case, I don't blame you for finishing with her. I'm presuming she's played games with you before rather than communicating clearly with you?

candycane10 · 27/12/2022 09:39

@anon2390 in that case I agree with your reaction

Nightlystroll · 27/12/2022 09:44

OMG. You're as bad as each other. And to finish over that....? Do you think maybe you're both just stressed over your GCSEs? 🙄

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:46

Nightlystroll · 27/12/2022 09:44

OMG. You're as bad as each other. And to finish over that....? Do you think maybe you're both just stressed over your GCSEs? 🙄

@Nightlystroll GCSEs?

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 27/12/2022 09:51

anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:46

@Nightlystroll GCSEs?

Show quote history

I believe there is an insinuation that you and your girlfriend are acting like teenagers! Tbf I had to return to read it a few times as I wasn't entirely sure where the issue was. Sounds like a silly argument.

simplefree · 27/12/2022 09:52

Sounds like she has been using you all along - this is not how a loving, considerate partner would behave.
What else was not working in the relationship? What did she bring to the table?

Happy New Year
Hope you find someone more mature in 2023

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:54

Sometimeswinning · 27/12/2022 09:51

I believe there is an insinuation that you and your girlfriend are acting like teenagers! Tbf I had to return to read it a few times as I wasn't entirely sure where the issue was. Sounds like a silly argument.

Show quote history

@Sometimeswinning Oh, well we are both 18. I guess this sounds immature to everyone else but this is like the 10th time I've been ignored for a day without explanation. I've had enough, maybe I'll look back at this in a few years and realize how stupid this relationship was.

OP posts:
Changingplace · 27/12/2022 09:54

What a load of drama over nothing, you sound very immature.

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:57

simplefree · 27/12/2022 09:52

Sounds like she has been using you all along - this is not how a loving, considerate partner would behave.
What else was not working in the relationship? What did she bring to the table?

Happy New Year
Hope you find someone more mature in 2023

@simplefree I wouldn't say she was using me (if you mean money-wise).

We've been together since 15 when I had $20 in my bank account and I've only started to make decent money just recently.

Everything else wasn't working either, we'd get in fights over the smallest things possible.

Happy New Year to you too 🥂

OP posts:
Wanderingoff · 27/12/2022 09:59

trying to buy someone with holidays is also a game

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 10:03

Wanderingoff · 27/12/2022 09:59

trying to buy someone with holidays is also a game

@Wanderingoff yes because taking your partner on a vacation means you're buying them off, well said.

OP posts:
nancydroo · 27/12/2022 10:05

After everything you've done for her the least she could do is reply to your texts on demand and in a timely fashion... I'm being silly, Maybe you're just not that bothered with her and that's okay. That's how it works.

Original poster
anon2390 · 27/12/2022 10:08

nancydroo · 27/12/2022 10:05

After everything you've done for her the least she could do is reply to your texts on demand and in a timely fashion... I'm being silly, Maybe you're just not that bothered with her and that's okay. That's how it works.

I don't think you read the post. She was the one who had a problem that I didn't reply to her in a timely fashion after I explained why as well.

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 27/12/2022 10:09

anon2390 · 27/12/2022 09:54

@Sometimeswinning Oh, well we are both 18. I guess this sounds immature to everyone else but this is like the 10th time I've been ignored for a day without explanation. I've had enough, maybe I'll look back at this in a few years and realize how stupid this relationship was.

Show quote history

I think this is exactly what's going to happen.

nancydroo · 27/12/2022 10:15

No i read it she didn't reply to you to the point you felt ignored.

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2022 10:16

It sounds like you both need to grow up.

PortiasBiscuit · 27/12/2022 10:17

You deserved each other , thank heaven you didn’t get that cat!

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 27/12/2022 10:23

Ignored for a day!!
FGS.
Phones definitely do more harm than good in relationships sometimes.
I think you should get back together so you don't inflict your childish behaviour on other people. You suit each other. HTH

littleburn · 27/12/2022 10:29

Oh well if you're both 18 then I'm sure you have plenty of relationship options ahead of you and you certainly don't need the drama. OP this is also a site aimed at and used predominately by U.K. mums, so you'll get a lot of posters assuming you're a bit older than 18!

ButterflyOil · 27/12/2022 10:33

I think it was wrong of her to ignore you because she perceived you were not paying her enough attention. It’s nice that you’ve taken her to all these places but it does seem like she feels quite entitled now - to just text you to go and get a cat is odd considering she’d been ignoring you.

You are both young still and maybe you need to work on your communication skills together? It sounds like a fight vs a breakup. Or are there other factors that mean you think the relationship has run its course?

Olios · 27/12/2022 10:35

How can you get a cat together if you live separately?

All very immature and too intense.