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Original poster

Worried I've been filmed without my knowledge

26 replies

Forgetmenot54 · 26/12/2022 23:12

I met a guy online a few times and on one of these occasions, I went to his house. We both knew before I went there that we were most likely going to end up having sex and we did. He works from home and his laptop was in the corner of the room on his desk and open. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

After I left, we didn't contact each other, I guess it was just sex for both of us and once it happened there was no desire to see eachother again.

But now, I don't know why but I am terrified in case he has filmed it without me knowing.

I think the fact that he knew we were going to end up having sex and also because I never heard from him again after it has made me wonder. The laptop open as well for all i know could have been filming us. He is on a visa and has a good job, he's from outside the EU. I am hoping that this would deter him from doing anything like this as he wouldn't want to jeopardise that.

I don't have any reason to suspect that he filmed it, just my own imagination and overthinkkng possibly, but I can't help worry about it. I am a naturally anxious person. Am I being ridiculous? I did post this on the sex thread but didn't get much response. I don't want to contact him out of the blue and ask has he filmed us as he will prob think I'm mad.
I think I just feel guilty and bit disgusted at how he just used me for sex and also I know my life would be over if a video like that ever got out.

OP posts:
Eatentoomanyroses · 26/12/2022 23:19

Unlikely. At worst he might have recorded it and play it himself. If he’s got a work laptop though it’s unlikely he’d dare use it for that even.
Try and forget it. put it down to a regrettable sexual experience. Most women do these kind of things because they’re lonely and need affection. That doesn’t make you a bad person and most men wouldn’t contact again after an encounter like that. It’s not a measure of your self worth unless you make it so. Stop fretting.

Lockheart · 26/12/2022 23:19

I think you're overthinking this, in many ways.

You say you never heard from him but he never heard from you either. It's not evidence of anything.

He also didn't use you for sex - you never contacted him and you say yourself it was just sex and you both knew this. He wasn't exploiting you in that way.

As you say, there is nothing to suggest he was filing you. The likelihood that he filmed you covertly is low. Not impossible, but low.

candycane10 · 26/12/2022 23:20

I think I just feel guilty and bit disgusted at how he just used me for sex....

What makes you say HE used YOU?

You went round also expecting sec and haven't contacted him since so it sounds like you've behaved similarly.

If there are no other signs other than an open laptop you hopefully are overthinking. It's probably a risk of going round to a strangers house for sex. Not judging as many of us have done it but it maybe doesn't match up well with anxiety/over thinking

minticecreamisjustok · 26/12/2022 23:22

I think probably it is your mind over thinking, the camera light is normally obvious when it's on. You don't sound like you're ready to sleep with someone you hardly know, he hasn't used you as you said yourself you had no desire to contact him again.

Dery · 26/12/2022 23:30

“You don't sound like you're ready to sleep with someone you hardly know, he hasn't used you as you said yourself you had no desire to contact him again.”

This. If you’re an anxious person then casual sex with people you scarcely know is probably not for you. Don’t beat yourself up about it, though, OP. We live and learn.

GothAir · 27/12/2022 00:11

You've literally invented a scenario based on nothing and are now anxious about it. Just stop fretting.

Beercrispsandnuts · 27/12/2022 00:21

This is an extreme level of anxiety, what is causing you to think that as he had a lap top in the room he was filming you? Having a laptop open in a main room is very Normal

don’t agree to go to strange men’s houses for sex if you expect something else from it Ie a relationship and will suffer like this after. For you both to know you were going to his home just for sex, then you must have been offering that service. If you are not happy to do this and want it to be part of something else, then raise the bar.

Original poster
Forgetmenot54 · 27/12/2022 22:17

Thanks everyone for the replies. It has made me feel alot better. Is it fair to say then that I am being ridiculous and have nothing to worry about? I mean, I have no proof of anything. . His laptop was open in the corner of the room on his desk. I didn't see his phone anywhere either, but then I wasn't looking around the room for hidden cameras, it was only a few days after that I started to think had he done something like this. I felt it was a bit suspicious how I abruptly never heard from him again and i started to think has he done something.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 27/12/2022 22:21

But he never heard from you either!

Original poster
Forgetmenot54 · 27/12/2022 22:29

Yes I didn't contact him either as actually after the sex I realised I wasn't interested in him anymore and a couple of things had put me off. But my problem is not that it's the fact that we were in his room, he knew what was going to happen in the room and if he did film anything , he had plenty of time to set everything up. That is my worry.

OP posts:
mincepiepie · 27/12/2022 22:31

The camera being on the laptop is anxiety.

Did you trust him and where there any other indicators that you felt something was wrong? Did you other wise feel safe?

If you strip that thought out the realisation of the potential camera) or think of how you felt before you had this thought, how did you feel about the situation. You seemed ok with it - it was mutual casual sex and that ok? But did the anxiety change that and catarophise - he used me and exploited me.

Rationally, it highly unlikely that this happened.

Anxiety is horrible.

PaterPower · 27/12/2022 22:33

So neither of you were interested in pursuing a relationship / future hookups, but he’s got to be hiding something because he didn’t contact you afterwards?!

It’s always worth being careful, but you’re really overthinking this OP.

DifferentYearSameShit · 27/12/2022 22:34

You also used him for just sex otherwise you'd have been in contact

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 27/12/2022 22:34

Really there isn’t much you can do anyway.
I think it’s vastly more likely that he didn’t film you than he did. Either way you have no way of knowing, so personally I’d try to put it out of your mind.

as others have said him not contacting you isn’t particularly concerning given you didn’t contact him. Likely he also didn’t feel much of a connection either.

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 22:35

Dery · 26/12/2022 23:30

“You don't sound like you're ready to sleep with someone you hardly know, he hasn't used you as you said yourself you had no desire to contact him again.”

This. If you’re an anxious person then casual sex with people you scarcely know is probably not for you. Don’t beat yourself up about it, though, OP. We live and learn.

They’d gone on a few dates beforehand, she wasn’t meeting a complete stranger for sex, it’s reasonable for her to be annoyed at being used

Ihatethenewlook · 27/12/2022 22:37

If I was going to secretly film someone I’d buy a £20 nanny cam off Amazon and hide it somewhere. Not have a laptop blatantly open and pointing to you having sex

Original poster
Forgetmenot54 · 27/12/2022 22:45

@mincepiepie yes I felt safe. I think I have just felt icky over the whole thing, he was very into me and then it stopped after the sex. I also didnt contact him either. Maybe I should been a bit more savvy and asked him to put the laptop away or something but it never entered my head at the time

OP posts:
Original poster
Forgetmenot54 · 27/12/2022 22:50

@Ihatethenewlook thing is because he works from home, the laptop didn't bother me at the time. Its just in hindsight I've been thinking about it

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 28/12/2022 08:02

He behaved in the same way you did- no contact after sex. Why are you framing this as him using you rather than both of you using the other?

hugefanofcheese · 28/12/2022 09:03

I doubt he would have filmed you on his work laptop and risk his job (if he seemed OK before then I'm sure that wouldn't have been his primary reason for not doing so, but it would have been very, very foolish of him especially on a work visa).

hugefanofcheese · 28/12/2022 09:05

Oh and it's not being used if you both lost interest after sex. Sometimes with dating things seem promising but the sex just highlights that there isn't that much chemistry and it's easier/ more tactful for both to just say nothing. He didn't leave you hanging.

Beercrispsandnuts · 28/12/2022 09:05

Op, do you think you’re maybe just upset he ghosted you after sex? You clearly expected to hear from him again. Were you too insecure to message him first?

your comment that you started to think of why he ghosted you when he was very into you before shows you’re just trying to find a reason to explain it.

I can assure you it’s highly unlikely to be he was videoing you. In fact if he was it would be more likely he’d try to see you again

the reality is he was no longer interested. For what could be a multitude of reasons.

Please do not meet strangers on line and go to their houses to have sex with them, if you will struggle with the fact it is likely going to end there. If you want a relationship, then date, develop a relationship. If you just want to get laid then carry on, but this doesn’t seem to be the case.

Runningintolife · 28/12/2022 09:15

Your thoughts are hooked on to the thought of secret filming and you are finding more and more ways to worry about it - but it was just a thought not a fact. You are making this up in your own head and traumatising yourself! Choose not to do that. Turn your attention to real life.

Original poster
Forgetmenot54 · 28/12/2022 10:34

@Beercrispsandnuts yes I did think I would hear from him again tbh, but I knew I didn't want to see him again and that's why I never contacted him. He obvs felt the same. Its only the last week or so that I have started to worry about potentially being filmed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forgetmenot54 · 28/12/2022 10:36

I am never having casual sex again after this! I think I need to build some sort of rapport first. It's not worth the anxiety after.

OP posts: