Dh and I separated about 3 years ago due to his lack of involvement with us as a family, he thought as I’d agreed to be a sahm it was fine to basically check out of everything else. I quite often wouldn’t know if he was in the country, he wouldn’t contact me for days on end when he was working away even when dc were tiny babies. Anyway, I finally had enough and asked him to leave. He was heartbroken, dc we’re heartbroken but we all moved on and all seemed ok.
Over the last 18 months dh started to really step up in terms of organising stuff for dc to do when they were with him, taking an interest in their birthdays, making sure to take time off to come to their birthday parties, contacting me asking how they are, sending them little videos of himself most days saying hello and that he missed them etc. He continued to entirely support me and continued to do so when I got a part time job. So 6 months ago we decided to give it another go. I was very clear what I expected from him - I needed to know when he’s be going to work and for how long, needed him to check in everyday when he was working away, he involved in dc’s lives and be interested in my life too. DC were so happy dad was coming home, he was happy, all was good.
Then for Christmas he didn’t ask me at any point what dc had asked for, whether I’d bought it, wrapped it, what we were having for dinner, what we were doing and when, who was coming down to stay, if he needed to do anything. He has been crazy busy at work but I told him I need him to talk to me about this stuff. He just says if I need anything I can just ask him and he’ll sort it. I asked him to set up the VR headset thing is got dc for Christmas as they’d want to play it when they opened it. He said he would, he didn’t. That’s all I asked him to do. I got him tickets to see a band that cost £500 and handmade gifts from dc. He got me 3 for 2 bath bombs from Boots at the station on the way home from work on Friday. I woke up this morning and he’s not here. I messaged him and he’s on the train to the airport as he found out yesterday he has to work in the states for 2 weeks but didn’t want to tell me as I’d kick off on Christmas Day.
I don’t want to do this again. He promised me he wouldn’t do this anymore. I don’t think I’m asking a lot and he was so sorry and so wanted to come back to our family. And now he’s gone again. I have to tell dc that dad isn’t here again and didn’t say goodbye. I’m so tired of this being my life and I willing stepped back into it when I’d managed to get out before.