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Original poster

Did you get over the awful thing they did?

51 replies

aquapp · 23/12/2022 23:53

DP did something awful to me earlier this year, we split for a few months but we are back together.

I want to move past what he did, but every time I'm having a good time with him I remember and my mood instantly dropped. I'm angry and not over it.

Those of you who have decided to stay after they have done something awful, chested etc., how did you forgive them and move on? And how long did it take?

I want to make this work. So any tips welcome!

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 25/12/2022 18:57

Are you in an abusive relationship?
if so then no it will never work and be ok.

what he did sounds awful. I couldn’t get past that and I can’t imagine someone who did that would change significantly such a short time later

rattlemehearties · 25/12/2022 19:03

Why do you want to make it work, OP?

GoT1904 · 25/12/2022 19:13

Do you feel that he would have wanted to work on your relationship had you not lost the baby?

girlmom21 · 25/12/2022 19:17

I don't think you can get over horrible things. I think, sometimes, you can get past them, but this isn't something you'll ever get past if the baby was wanted.

pinkpotatoez · 25/12/2022 19:30

If you ever want children then how will that work? You do know the only reason he wants you is because you miscarried right?He doesn't want kids with you, are you prepared to be childless and with a manipulator for the rest of your life, is the question you really need to be asking yourself

Original poster
aquapp · 25/12/2022 19:39

I love him. I know it's pathetic. I enjoy his company and he has many good qualities.

Yes, he did try and manipulate into an abortion. He and his family cut contact so that I felt I had no option but to terminate. After a few weeks he said he always intended to be involved if I kept it.

I didn't know if I was going to keep the baby or not. They all cut contact less than 24 hours after I had found out.

OP posts:
hearmywomanlyroar · 25/12/2022 19:42

Come on, please, you need to leave this man. He's not a nice person!

WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 25/12/2022 20:01

There are some words that people can’t get over. The fact that he followed up his words with a prolonged period of no contact showed that he really meant it.
I’m sure now he is back, he is playing mind games and twisting things so you feel confused as to what/why/how this happened.
Time will tell and if I were a gambling woman, I’d place a bet on the relationship not working out.
I feel for you OP. I’ve been there - doubting what happened, blaming myself and coming onto MN for opinions simply because I just didn’t trust my own.
Trust your gut xx

Isittrueornot · 25/12/2022 20:01

You love him, that’s the problem really isn’t it-that’s your problem.
Thing is that love will turn into resentment when you discover he doesn’t want to have kids with you. I just hope when you do, you have some years left in you to find the right person and he hasn’t snatched all your fertile years away (then goes and gets a younger an pregnant 6 months later but wants to keep that one with her, whilst you’ve hit menopause).

Just think about it a little, do you love him more than yourself? More than a need to want kids? He will string you along for years if you let him.

girlmom21 · 26/12/2022 08:46

aquapp · 25/12/2022 19:39

I love him. I know it's pathetic. I enjoy his company and he has many good qualities.

Yes, he did try and manipulate into an abortion. He and his family cut contact so that I felt I had no option but to terminate. After a few weeks he said he always intended to be involved if I kept it.

I didn't know if I was going to keep the baby or not. They all cut contact less than 24 hours after I had found out.

His family were in on this. A large group of people you'll never get away from who all joined forces to bully you into a termination. How could you ever trust any of them again?

You deserve so much more.

Madeyoulook · 26/12/2022 08:51

Why were you spending some time apart anyway?

ToffeeNotCoffee · 26/12/2022 09:41

So, no doubt you are now both trying for a baby, is that right ? With each other I mean.

After a few weeks he said he always intended to be involved if I kept it.

Like he's doing you a favour. I take it he never once said, 'our baby' ? You grieve for the baby that you miscarried. I wonder if he too grieves for the lost son or daughter ? Thought not. Phew that was close is probably his attitude.

He will not be a good Dad but you love him, so, that's ok then.

He's using your love of him as leverage to carry on being an abusive twat.

Comtesse · 26/12/2022 10:05

no point in loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Read @Cleotolstoy post - this dude is not your only option.

Dery · 26/12/2022 10:13

The fact that you love him is NOT a reason to stay with him. Your love for him will blow over if you let it. In fact, you should be hugely questioning how you can love someone who behaves so badly and working on extinguishing your feelings for him, which will happen with time if you let it.

This guy is bad for you. That’s all you need to know. Leave him behind and fill your life with activities that don’t involve him.

Bedazzled22 · 26/12/2022 10:27

what an awful thing to happen to you. You say he has good qualities but he has proven when you needed him the most you didnt see him for dust. it takes two to make a baby yet he didnt support you and didnt care about you…

No wonder you’re struggling to get over that.

Woeman · 26/12/2022 10:35

Love is never enough, op.

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/12/2022 10:43

There are lovely men out there. Find one of them!

AgentJohnson · 26/12/2022 11:00

Your gut is telling you that he is not a long term prospect and you could do better. You don’t want to get past what he did, you want to develop amnesia.

felulageller · 26/12/2022 11:35

Oh no he's horrible. Cut him loose.

purpledalmation · 26/12/2022 12:15

No. You can put on an act for a certain time, but it always bubbles to the surface.

Happygirl79 · 26/12/2022 12:43

You may love him but it seems he certainly does not love you to have acted so cruelly when you were carrying his child

I would say you are being used not loved

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 26/12/2022 12:44

So is it fair to say he is glad you lost the baby?.
Ltb and don't look back op.

pog100 · 26/12/2022 12:48

Everyone is basically telling you your life is going to be a fucking misery with this man and his family. Please listen, stop trying to overcome your very real and justified dislike of his actions and be on your own for a while before finding a decent human being.

layladomino · 26/12/2022 13:53

Why would you want to 'get over' what he did? Why would you want to still be with him?

He told you that he wanted nothing more to do with you when you were pregnant. He told you he wanted nothing to do with your baby. He cut you off. He's only with you now because there is no baby. That's vile. Think about it - your tragic miscarriage was good news for him. If you hadn't had a miscarriage you wouldn't be with him now.

He is not a good person. He isn't a loving partner. You deserve better. You won't ever be able to forget what he did, because what he did was awful and your gut is telling you he is bad news.

Ofcourseshecan · 26/12/2022 17:19

girlmom21 · 26/12/2022 08:46

His family were in on this. A large group of people you'll never get away from who all joined forces to bully you into a termination. How could you ever trust any of them again?

You deserve so much more.

Show quote history

This is it. He and his whole bullying family ganged up against you. They hurt and abandoned you when you were at your most vulnerable. I’m pretty sure they rejoiced when you lost your baby.

Why do you want these horrible people in your life? Do you feel, deep down, you don’t deserve a good and loving partner? Time to do some work on your low self-esteem.

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