7 months pregnant, two days before Christmas and dumped

[Anonymous44]

Hi

i need some help please. Everything seems so dark, I feel like such a failure and I have failed my baby before she has arrived. I am 32 weeks pregnant and had a growth scan today, I have been so worried and was told today the baby is small and I need to go for another scan in three weeks. Then after the scan my boyfriend told me he isn’t happy with the relationship and dumped me. It’s two days before Christmas I am worried about the baby and now have to face this all alone as a single mum. He walked out and left me crying on the sofa. I don’t know what to do. I can’t face this. I’m so sad but don’t want the stress I upset the baby. I’m lost. I want to run away and hide. Please help.

Oh sweetheart. You really haven’t failed your baby. He has.
Do you have support in real life?

I have my parents around me so I have a good support. I just feel like such a failure. I’m so sad and hurt. I don’t know what to do next.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but you absolutely haven’t failed your baby and you also will not harm him/her by being upset. Glad you’ve got good support, you will get through this. His loss!

Oh sweetheart, you have not failed the baby - he has failed you both. What you do next is have a cry and then take a breath before you do anything else. It is ok to be sad, but look after yourself. Lean on your support network, you are not alone even if you feel like you are.

If it is practical advice on what to do next hang on here and I am sure the hive will send along people with the answers!

sending you lots of love xxx you can be an awesome mum on your own. Best off without this waste of space hanging around xxxx

Hello - poor you this sounds a lot but you will be okay.

Just sending you a message to let you know I had a few growth scans too in my pregnancy so please don’t think you’ve done anything wrong - my baby was born small ish but healthy. My view (rightly or wrongly) is that the scans are there to help the midwives have a better understanding of what’s happening and to keep an eye on things. If there were any concerns I’m sure they’d get your baby out quickly and healthily. Please don’t spend all your time worrying or blaming yourself for something you haven’t done wrong.

I hope you get to spend Xmas with your family.

@Anonymous44 I remember your other threads. I'm sorry you're in this situation OP but you should have dumped that sorry excuse for a man weeks ago. He's dropped out of picking you up to rest for a party when you're sick, ignored you and not come when you've been in hospital because baby wasn't moving.

He's given zero shits about you and baby for a long while now and you've put up with way too much. Think about your sweet innocent baby. Do you want them to be treated the way he has treated you?

Find your momma bear OP. He isn't worth it. You can be everything this baby needs, focus on that. Block him until after the birth and make sure you give the baby your name. I'd think twice about putting him on birth certificate until he's shown up consistently too.

Thinking of you. As someone said it's ok to not feel ok. After a relationship breaks up,especially if we did not instigate it,we do need time to process this and in some sense grieve. Was this something that completely took you by surprise? Did you know he was so unhappy? In a while you.may be able to.look.back on your relationship more objectively. Lean on your support network. Take care

It won't feel like it now, but any man who can do that to his partner is really not good enough for you to be saddled with.
Try not to panic too much about your baby, a lot of growth can be put on in the last couple of weeks, you have time.
So I'm doubting his revelation has come totally out of the blue and because of him, you've possibly not had the best experience during pregnancy. Now is the time to surround yourself with genuine people who will come through for you better than he would of.
In a few weeks your life will be flooded with so much love for your DD, it will be good that you only have to focus on her and don't have your loser ex around trying to compete for attention. You can do this, you will get through it.

You're not a failure at all, you were just unlucky in your choice of partner. I know it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you, and you'll be in shock for a while, but you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who could behave like this. You are strong and capable and you are going to be a wonderful mother to your baby. Just take each day as it comes, feel what you feel, but know that you will get through this and you will be so much happier in the long run without him holding you back.

Hi @Anonymous44 sorry to hear about your situation x
I had my baby and literally days later me and my husband fell out. I had just given birth and i didn't get the respect i should have got. What is wrong with these men!
In regards to the weight of your baby i had a similar experience when i was pregnant, i ate nuts (almonds, cashews and walnuts) like a handful everyday and avacado and my baby put on weight x

Failure? You’re a fucking warrior!! I had growth scans. Apparently I was going to give birth to a hulk/Shrek cross. Normal weight (on the smaller side) healthy baby. Things normally even out xxxx

Please don't ever take him back. I'm so glad you have support. From one single mum to another it will be ok, all that matters is you and your baby. Never ever let him back, he's left you at your most valuable time. He doesn't care at all and is so sad. Don't let that man be a dad to your little one if he ever asks for a second chance. Go to your parents, sort a plan and please stay calm. X

Vulnerable I meant sorry 😐

oh what dreadful waste of space of a man. You on the other hand sound so loving and thoughtful, straight to worrying about how it will impact the baby. Lean hard on your friends and family, love is accepting help not just giving it. Next Christmas everything will be totally different and you will find a way.
and strength.

Thanks so much for the messages. Reading them all makes me feel better. I’m so sad now but I need to look at the positive, I have a beautiful baby on the way. Than you so much everyone xx

Re the growth scans - I know it’s scary but try not to worry too much, I had to have five in my first pregnancy, two of which said the baby was small - she was born a couple of weeks later at over 8lbs and is now a happy healthy two year old. It’s obviously good that they are checking on baby but there’s no reason to think you won’t have a healthy little one soon.

As for your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend, even though it may not feel that way you’re better off without. Any man who would abandon a woman who is seven months pregnant with his child is garbage and doesn’t deserve you or a baby. In your position it’s totally reasonable to be terrified of doing it alone but it sounds like you’ve got family support so lean on them, take it one day at a time and you’ll be a pro in no time.

The upset won’t harm the baby (so long as you take care of yourself ie keep eating enough etc.), healthy babies are born in war zones and situations with far worse stress, they are resilient little things.

You will be OK its hard now but you will find a way through. Give yourself time to grieve the future you expected, before creating your new future.
19 years ago this week my now ex husband did this to me. It's not always been easy but we got through it. I've single handedly raised him to adulthood !
I coped by doing the practical things to keep me busy and distracted (ended up having to move house at 39 weeks). But overtime I came to accept my new future.
Take care of you and your baby and everything else can be sorted later.

You've not failed your baby at all, you've done nothing wrong. You've got this, you're going to be an incredible mum and your baby will know no different.

I imagine he'll change his mind and come back with his tail between his legs but he's shown you what kind of person he is now and done you a favour

Everything is going to be okay x

This will pass.

That’s all I can say.

the physical pain. The emotional torture will pass. You will move on. And one day you’ll look back and think how fucking strong, amazing and powerful you are. Xxx

The only failure in this is this poor excuse for a man.

I know it won't feel like it now-and take your time to process/grieve the end of the relationship-but this man has done you and your DD a massive favour. He's shown you exactly what his true colours are in blatant fashion and you need to pay attention to that.

Any man that can walk out and leave their 7-month pregnant girlfriend is not a person to be trusted or wanted. Right now, focus on you and your DD and do your best to forget about him. He's not worth your time.

Hi Anonymous44,
What a upsetting time for you, sending virtual hugs, one single mum to another.

All the lovely replies above have pretty much summed it up. You aren’t hurting baby by being upset, but going forward you need to focus on yourself and this incredible life that you’re looking after. You’re a strong mumma bear who can do this even without the biological father in the picture. From watching others, most just seem to get in the way anyway 😅, it’s much easier to parent with just one set of rules and no one to stress you out or argue with, life can actually be quite peaceful alone. Especially if you’ve got a good support system like you’ve mentioned, they’ll help you wherever you need.

Its been me and my little one from day one, and yes it’s not easy, but it’s been so wonderful being his constant. Knowing he’ll always have a steady consistent huge love from me, and never have to watch me fight with his dad or have him be mistreated or confused. He’s my tailor made best friend and your DD will become the same.

Now for the traumatic end of your relationship, what a truly heinous thing of your ex-partner to do. Please know you are worth so so much more than that. Allow yourself some time to be sad, to grieve and process, it might take some time and that’s ok. But eventually you can close the book and enter a new, just different than you’d imagined, life with you and your daughter. Together, with no horrible men around to mar the magical bond you’ll have.

You’ll look back in years to come and be so proud of what you’ve accomplished, you’re stronger than you could ever even think ❤️

My baby measured small and we had so many extra scans, in the end she was perfectly, beautifully healthy (no jaundice even though it was expected!) She was just a tiny little thing! And she's still smaller at almost 2, but we have small women in our family. It's totally normal.

Fuck him. He's missing out on the most beautiful thing in the world. You are so lucky to be rid of such a loser. I hope you can get lots of cuddles from your family the next couple days and lots of good food.

I had a similar experience, my DD's D left me when I was three months pregnant, we were on holiday and I was ill with severe hyperemesis gravidarum, and he dumped me. I thought my life was finished, was heartbroken and felt ruined. In the end it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You can build a life with your little one. I believe I was so fortunate to have that time with my new baby and no man to worry about, it wasn't easy, but the many, many beautiful moments were truly precious. In time and if you want, you'll be free to find a partner to share your life with. You will be okay. What you need now us to take some time, be with people who will look after you, make some plans which will make life easier for a while. Things don't stay the same. You will look backand see how well you did

I’m going through this as well. Well 4 months on. Still hard to get my head round but it’s getting a little bit easier, I’m feeling more numb to it. @Bluebellsarebest does it get easier when the baby is born? I’ve only got two weeks left. I just wish I could get him out of my head despite him treating me horrifically. X