I'm pathetic

[Loopnlou]

Partner is going to visit his kids from a previous relationship for a couple of days over Christmas leaving me with our new baby for the first time alone for that long. I've got PND and the suicidal thoughts have only improved as I can give him the baby to go do chores etc when I get overwhelmed. I'm not sure how I'll cope, if I'll cope.
He hasn't asked how the suicidal thoughts are or what can be done to help me cope. I have absolutely no friends or family to help.

His kids have seen alot less of him since baby arrived and I get that it's Christmas and it's what his kids are used to but I think with everything going on seeing them for a day would have been better.

But I know single mums do this everyday and partners go away for work etc often. It's just me being pathetic.
I feel so angry, anxious and irritable with him all the time and I can't speak to him as it just sounds like I don't want him to see his kids.

He said it sounds like I feel like Cinderella, doing every thing and it not being fair or easy. I wish it was only that. I wish I could run away.

But I need to just get over it, right?
Woman up and look after the baby without complaining.

Take care OP. Have you got some family anywhere that may be able to help you? Can you talk to him about this? How are you with his ex ? Could you not all go given the circumstances?

I have 2 special needs children from a previous relationship (never had PND before!), we are also overcrowded and lined up to move in the new year. Between the two there's no way we can house 3 more children even for a night.

My partner, me and baby are in the front room already. My eldest's special needs are so high (sectioned twice so far and needs taking to the hospital with no prior warning sometimes) that social services were wanting them out of the home whilst I needed to take care of a young baby and in an intense specialist placement. However due to bed shortages, even after searching for almost a year - nothing has been found. So I am left to juggle the impossible.
I should have terminated baby, it wasn't planned and history of loss and a personal history of infertility made this baby a miracle and emotions complicated the decision making, also before 3 months of pregnancy the needs of my eldest weren't that high, it went unpredictably awful.

The move wasn't prioritised as the oldest shouldn't be here, they should be in a placement for at least a year and we wouldn't be overcrowded.

They are also the reason I can't come with him. The children are a few hours drive away.

Again, I have no friends or family for support.

I'm sure all this is the main contributing factor to my PND, it's also the reason I don't have time to access therapy for it - oldest is rarely away from me. Constant appointments, meetings etc

He's seen the kids less because of all this and my PND. He's currently my carer.
Yes it's unfair on the children but I don't know what to do about that, I'm drowning as it is.

Well, you're certainly not pathetic, op.

Is there a charity that might be able to offer some support, related to your children's SN? Or perhaps a mental health charity like Mind? Too late I suppose, even if they can help.

If he does end up going, please call the samaritans if you start feeling you can't cope.

Sorry why is he not spending his first Christmas with you & his new baby? This doesn't make sense!

Please report Lookme's post, everyone. Fucking nasty.

What is it scum like you get from being utterly reprehensible to a struggling mum? You can read everything she has wrote and still stick the fucking boot in. Not loved as a child? Dropped on your head as a child? Or just a bellend by your nature?

Are you for real?!

Please stop quoting them and report them.

Done.

OP - I totally understand why you went ahead with the pregnancy. You’re not pathetic, you’ve got a lot on your plate and PND can hit like a ton of bricks.

So sorry you feel so low, I hope things improve for you.

How fucking helpful

OP, you are not pathetic, you have a huge amount to deal with. Almost anyone would struggle with that. It sounds as though you have had to cope for many years, without the right support for your eldest. I have a SEN child too and know how difficult it is. You might not feel it but you are amazing.

No :(

Well the things is his kids also need him. If he's already seeing them less, he does need to see them. More than likely they're already feeling pushed aside.
You aren't pathetic, but overwhelmed.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone.