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Original poster

Heads been turned

58 replies

Gahgahgah · 22/12/2022 13:20

Been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and have recently started a new job in a very male dominated environment. Someone in work really likes me and I hate to say that I like him back, the attraction is strong yet I have a lovely partner who ticks all the boxes already. Does that mean that something is missing in my relationship? Do I just hope that it eventually goes away? It’s making me feel distant towards my boyfriend and like I don’t care as much etc.
has anyone got any advice or been in a similar situation and how to handle it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gahgahgah · 20/02/2023 16:09

I am mid 30s with a lot to lose, I don’t want to feel this way but not sure how to make it go away. With my boyfriend there wasn’t that instant sexual attraction, I want to pounce on you type feeling for me but I really liked him as a person when we first met and it grew and he really is the ideal man and best partner I’ve ever had. So why am I feeling like this?

OP posts:
WidthofaLine · 20/02/2023 16:19

Gahgahgah · 20/02/2023 16:09

I am mid 30s with a lot to lose, I don’t want to feel this way but not sure how to make it go away. With my boyfriend there wasn’t that instant sexual attraction, I want to pounce on you type feeling for me but I really liked him as a person when we first met and it grew and he really is the ideal man and best partner I’ve ever had. So why am I feeling like this?

Don't know but one thing I do know is people love drama and others will encourage your downfall. They will egg you on and then watch the fall out with glee.

The gossip, the drama, the laughs at the expense of your partner and then yourself.
Don't be that 'story to tell'

Control the narrative and respect yourself especially at work.

ZaphodDent · 20/02/2023 16:23

If you want to know why you're feeling like this...

Annoyingly, it's perfectly natural. Your brain is getting hits of dopamine and serotonin when you're around him. This is an evolutionary response which has successfully grown the human race to 8 billion people.

So there's nothing special about him, nothing magical or unique. He's said some nice things to you (which he absolutely should not have said) and it's triggered a response.

This is nothing to do with your BF. It's not a reflection on him, or on you and him.

Crushes can last from a few months to a few years.

You've now discovered you're susceptible to them, so in future you can tell guys like this to shove it when they start with their BS.

In the meantime, avoid him. Going no contact is the only way to defeat a crush. Just accept your body is a fully functioning, healthy body with normal responses and he's completely immoral to have deliberately triggered you. Get angry with him if it helps.

TrishM80 · 20/02/2023 23:04

Your little workplace Lothario is obviously a bit of a scumbag if he's actively trying to break up your relationship.

But, if that's what turns you on about him, crack on.

Lookingoutside · 21/02/2023 00:46

Pismascrescents · 22/12/2022 18:49

Please don’t fall for this. In lots of workplaces the male hottie exudes charisma around the newbie (always female) to see if she’s “up for it” then reports back to all his mates. Is she is silly enough to fall for it she gets called a slipper and never gets promoted.

Establish your career. Maintain your professionalism and dignity. After you have done this, if you slowly, over time, get to know someone then maybe, just maybe, you could attempt a relationship.

I am sorry for the harsh wording but having seen this done to people more than once, I had to warn you how it can end if you aren’t careful.

In answer to your question, it’s normal to find other people attractive while in a relationship. Most people slightly avoid the crush until the feelings pass.

Where the hell do you work?

And why are these vermin getting away with doing that?

MissTrip82 · 21/02/2023 02:40

Do you actually love him? Your boyfriend I mean.

My husband is a lovely man and ticks a lot of boxes. That’s not enough. It’s the love I feel for him that made me marry him and that keeps me with him.

SandyY2K · 21/02/2023 07:15

Do you have future plans with your BF? Like marriage or kids. Do you want those things? Do you live together?

It's not uncommon to feel attracted to another person and for that to be mutual. In your position, you need to think about whether its purely a physical attraction or is it more.

Original poster
Gahgahgah · 27/02/2023 11:25

It’s a sporting environment, yes we live together, no plans of children but I do want to get married in my life, no hint or mention of it from him though yet!

With the other guy, I also get on well with him plus the intense sexual pull, and he has said that he wouldn’t want to be my bit on the side or whatever so hasn’t encouraged me to cheat for instance.

it’s consuming a lot of my thoughts and could do with it going away, feel so guilty for wondering what if!

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