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Original poster

Why are men like this

70 replies

Amused742 · 20/12/2022 18:46

Looking for a bit of a vent… there’s a guy at work who I see on a daily basis in passing. We don’t work closely together but on occasion I need to contact him via email.

I have always thought he was attractive… he’s about 15 years older than me, charming, funny… not everyone’s cup of tea but I think he’s alright.

I had to email him two weeks ago (work related) and i felt a shift since then. He’s been emailing almost daily, at first it was just general how’s ur day etc… then he upped it a little. Commenting on how i look, “joking” that he will miss me wen I leave for the nite, saying my emails make his day better.

It’s all very innocent, on my part! well I think so. I have never said anything back that could be misconstrued, but today I found out he’s married! I feel bad for his wife. Why do men think this is acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
theonlygirl · 21/12/2022 08:49

At best he's enjoying being a flirt and looking for validation. Nice bit of banter he can have with his colleagues when he tells them he's got some younger woman emailing him, makes him look good. Or he's testing the waters to see if you're up for something more. Doesn't even have to be physical. Shut it down, don't reply to anything none work related. not even pleasantries, he will soon get the message.

Blue light....my guess would be fireservice 🙄

FahridaFaraho · 21/12/2022 08:57

I disagree that men do this for validation actually. I think men who flirt like that do want an affair as the risk is too high for it just to be for validation besides men to do things with a purpose: what is the end game here? Women on the other hand are tend to want to see if they got it and are satisfied by just being noticed and flirted with. To men, the validation comes from sex not from flattery or eye contact.

To op, he was like this because you unintentionally showed him you were up for it. I was caught like this when I was in my twenties several times with men who I thought I was only polite and kind to but they had other ideas and escalated sexually very quickly. Be more abrupt and less friendly with men and they will move on to the next 'lamb'.

Woodentabletop · 21/12/2022 10:24

Same1977 · 21/12/2022 05:50

Yes a lot of men are like this. But a lot of women ,especially older ones are like this too.The differenc is men tend to take it as a compliment or brush it off.No it is not OK by any means bits not all one sided and its not all men

so do women also sexually assault men at the same rate ?
do they drug and date rape men at the same rates ?
do them touch up strange men for sexual kicks in public at at the same rates ?

love to see your stats on these older women .. or are men being raped, beaten and drugged too but ‘ just brushing it off ?’

Woodentabletop · 21/12/2022 10:26

Amused742 · 21/12/2022 05:52

@Same1977 I’ve no doubt women do this too. And as I’ve said earlier I shouldn’t have insinuated all men are like this. Apologies

You don’t need to apologise
women DO NOT do this at anywhere even close to the number of men who do !
you didn’t claim women never do it and you don’t need people point out a very minute percentage of women behave the way that a large number of men do

5128gap · 21/12/2022 16:38

Marineboy67 · 20/12/2022 19:18

Well clearly 'this' man thinks its ok to behave like this. Its not ok and its not the general view of men. There are unacceptable behaviours that frequent both genders, however it would be unfair cast a sweeping view that we all think in a specific way. How do you think you will proceed, will you stop this cyber flirtation in its tracks and confront him with what you know?

What similar behaviour 'frequents' (presumably meaning is displayed often by) women then?
Genuinely curious as to what you think women frequently do that is comparable?

5128gap · 21/12/2022 16:49

Same1977 · 21/12/2022 05:50

Yes a lot of men are like this. But a lot of women ,especially older ones are like this too.The differenc is men tend to take it as a compliment or brush it off.No it is not OK by any means bits not all one sided and its not all men

No they don't.
Come on, if you want to defend men, let's have your defence of this aspect of male behaviour. Try it without making up the sort of lies about women a child could see through.

SnitterBug · 21/12/2022 16:53

Buildingthefuture · 21/12/2022 04:17

Ime, a lot of men ARE like this. I work almost solely with men too. It’s all about ego and attention for them. They need to feel validated and like they’ve “still got it”, particularly as they get older. Why? Christ knows, but it’s common as muck and frankly, dull as shit. I’ve no interest in boosting the ego of some bloke and, when they cross the line, like this man clearly has, it pisses me right off. Many years ago, a man I worked with told me I had an air of “fuck off” about me. He meant it as an insult but, he was absolutely right and I was not offended. I’m married, I’ve no interest in a sad little work fling, being the subject of office gossip, or causing pain to an unsuspecting wife and children. I’m polite and professional and I do my job, but that’s it. The rest of it gets shut down, immediately. It shouldn’t happen of course, but it does, a lot. Male entitlement is real!!!

Yeah . Had this too. Apparently I was an Ice Queen. I was there to work not to flirt.

Sunnytwobridges · 21/12/2022 17:09

I have a good friend who is constantly hit on by married/partnered men. I'm always shocked that it happens so much, and it makes me feel like you can never really trust anyone. I definitely think it's for both validation and that they are testing the waters.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 19:01

@Sunnytwobridges yeah this happens a lot. When I first started chatting to him I didn’t kno he had a wife… it’s not the first time it happened. These men are concerning very self entitled

OP posts:
SnitterBug · 21/12/2022 19:35

I think it's when they get in groups when women aren't around and the talk turns to who is "Hot " in the office . Then they think they have to prove something to other men . That they a stud and can pull any woman women younger than them. Pathetic.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 19:45

This makes sense @SnitterBug. His office is all men, I’m just along the corridor (his office is all glass front facing in the direction I walk). I had to go along today to get something signed off… wen I walked away he loudly said “look at that… I love to watch you walk away” definitely for the other guys benefit as opposed to mine

OP posts:
SnitterBug · 21/12/2022 20:22

Just ignore him but start documenting everything . If he makes an issue of being ignored just say it's a workplace I'm here to work . If he tries to talk to you just say sorry I can't talk I don't feel too good today . Other people will pick up that you are keeping him at arms length and they will go in your favour . He will soon get bored and give up hopefully.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 20:28

@SnitterBug thanks

OP posts:
SnitterBug · 21/12/2022 20:34

Amused742 · 21/12/2022 20:28

@SnitterBug thanks

Your welcome. Invent a boyfriend too and talk about him a lot . Preferably one that does kickboxing or weightlifting. Pricks like him are usually cowards too .

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 20:36

@SnitterBug good plan!! I also have a friend who fits this description, may speak to him and get him to pick me up from work a couple of times to make it authentic haha

OP posts:
SnitterBug · 21/12/2022 20:45

Amused742 · 21/12/2022 20:36

@SnitterBug good plan!! I also have a friend who fits this description, may speak to him and get him to pick me up from work a couple of times to make it authentic haha

Brilliant! Make sure creep sees him . Ignore him don't even make eye contact

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 20:48

@SnitterBug yeah I need to ignore him now. I finish up on Friday until the 4th of Jan, I need the break. I barely slept last nite, I’m second guessing wot to wear at work. This shouldn’t be the way of things… I’m literally just wanting to do my job

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 22/12/2022 10:55

It’s looking more appealing by the day @Amused742 😂

Original poster
Amused742 · 22/12/2022 12:48

@Closetbeanmuncher Do it!!!! New year new me and all that 😂

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 22/12/2022 12:55

Office flirting is fairly common. It's often mild but what's a jokey silly comment to one can seem like a come on to another. It happens with both men and women and really needs to be stomped on from the outset. It can make the office a bit more formal and less fun to be at but stops a lot of misunderstanding.

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