Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why are men like this

70 replies

Amused742 · 20/12/2022 18:46

Looking for a bit of a vent… there’s a guy at work who I see on a daily basis in passing. We don’t work closely together but on occasion I need to contact him via email.

I have always thought he was attractive… he’s about 15 years older than me, charming, funny… not everyone’s cup of tea but I think he’s alright.

I had to email him two weeks ago (work related) and i felt a shift since then. He’s been emailing almost daily, at first it was just general how’s ur day etc… then he upped it a little. Commenting on how i look, “joking” that he will miss me wen I leave for the nite, saying my emails make his day better.

It’s all very innocent, on my part! well I think so. I have never said anything back that could be misconstrued, but today I found out he’s married! I feel bad for his wife. Why do men think this is acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
blindfate · 21/12/2022 05:57

The thing is, you just know that if you challenged this behavior ("please stop speaking to me in this way, I know you're married and that makes me uncomfortable" for eg) he would shift the situation on to you, and you'd become the uptight/unreasonable/can't take a bit of banter party.

Why are men, indeed.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 05:58

@VisaGeezer i agree… if I was in a relationship knowing my husband was saying things like this to a much younger girl at work would break me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 05:59

@blindfate yeah I think that’s why I’m best just ignoring moving forward. Hopefully it just stops. I will still see him in the passing. I’ll be polite, say hi but that’s it

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:00

I asked if I could have 15 mins of his time (work related) he said it would be “the best 15 mins of my life

"Would that not have been when your kids were born?"

Wonder if something like that would make him stfu.

dolor · 21/12/2022 06:02

I honestly don't know what they're FOR.

They're bloody useless, can't be trusted with anything, and need to be babied because they can't look after themselves.

🙄

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:02

@VisaGeezer i think he was insinuating it would be the best 15 mins of MY life…

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:04

Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:02

@VisaGeezer i think he was insinuating it would be the best 15 mins of MY life…

You asked him for 15 mins of his time for a work related thing and he said "it'll be the best 15 mins of your life"?

😮

VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:06

That's taken him from excessively flirtatious and inappropriate to..... Kinda insane.

What's he going to do, give you a check for a million quid?

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:06

Yeah either a sexual innuendo or insinuating being in his presence is something to be amazed at

OP posts:
Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:09

This has kept me up most of the nite… but it’s given me time to realise what he is. In my original post. I said I thought he was alright.

during the nite I’ve realised nothing but short, bald, old and a letch. I’m glad I found out he was married before it went any further on my part

OP posts:
musingsinmidlife · 21/12/2022 06:12

Yeah just stop the banter with him. Work related emails and professional contact only.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:13

@musingsinmidlife this is my plan. Can’t wait to break up for the festive on Friday

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:20

Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:06

Yeah either a sexual innuendo or insinuating being in his presence is something to be amazed at

This is just mind boggling.

There are Hollywood stars who.wouldnt have who's big enough to say something like that, even joking.

He sounds nuts.

VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:25

*Egos

VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:27

He could really be doing with told "yeah, I can't imagine sex - if that's what you're implying - with a below average looks man, with no doubt average skills, with a wife at home he's cheating on - would be the best 15 mins of my life".

I wouldnt go there but how tempting.

He's really in a fantasy in his own head, isn't he.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:27

@VisaGeezer i’ll keep u posted how it goes today

OP posts:
Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:29

@VisaGeezer i would LOVE to say this!!!

OP posts:
carefulcalculator · 21/12/2022 06:30

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 19:27

Because there's plenty of women who still tolerate such behaviour, both as the wife and as the other woman. Men won't stop as long as they can get away with it.

I hate this way of blaming women for the behaviour of men.

carefulcalculator · 21/12/2022 06:33

Amused742 · 21/12/2022 05:44

@Buildingthefuture I need to adopt this air of “fuck off” about me!! Make entitlement is real!

All you need to do is say you have reviewed the emails, think they are inappropriate and would like to keep all conversation strictly work-related going forwards.

If he continues after that it is harassment.

LaLuz7 · 21/12/2022 06:35

carefulcalculator · 21/12/2022 06:30

I hate this way of blaming women for the behaviour of men.

Show quote history

But there is no way you can control men. If you want to see a real change you can only control how you react to their bullshit and impose adequate boundaries and consequences.

I'm not blaming, I'm pointing out the only mechanism under out control to shift things in our favor.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:36

@carefulcalculator this could be the best way forward. Because then I’m setting boundaries, if I just went radio silent he may continue… and I don’t want that

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 21/12/2022 06:39

Id worry that would sound like you're saying the emails are inappropriate from both sides.

You'd need to ge very careful about you phrased something like that.

Original poster
Amused742 · 21/12/2022 06:41

@VisaGeezer absolutely nothing I’ve said can be viewed as inappropriate. I’m safe

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 21/12/2022 08:42

LaLuz7 · 21/12/2022 06:35

But there is no way you can control men. If you want to see a real change you can only control how you react to their bullshit and impose adequate boundaries and consequences.

I'm not blaming, I'm pointing out the only mechanism under out control to shift things in our favor.

Show quote history

Agreed.

Unfortunately, there are also a lot of women who have internalised the societal message that a woman's worth is determined by how sexually attracted she is to men.

Those women are flattered by these sleazy advances.

GreyCarpet · 21/12/2022 08:42

*sexually attractive

Swipe left for the next trending thread