I heard my ex isn't doing great

[Newbeginings2]

I was basically discarded after almost 5 years in 2021. I was devastated and heartbroken and spoke to a counsellor who said, from what I'd described, he sounded like a narcissist, hence the gradual belittling and final discard.
I meet up with a couple of mutual friends only 3 or 4 times a year. I met them for dinner yesterday and they told me they'd seen him recently and he appears depressed. I'm angry with how he treated me and also with myself for letting myself be treated that way, but I can't stop thinking about him now and hope he's okay as he was a big part of my life. I'm not going to reach out or anything, but am wondering has anyone been through similar?

It sounds like you are well rid and that he's getting done well deserved karma. Don't worry about him. He'll find someone else to belittle and treat badly before too long.

You're a better person than me, I'd be struggling to keep the grin off my face!

Did he know your mutual friends were going to see you when they saw him?

Chances are he's played up a depressed act, knowing it will get back to you and get in your head. Which it has done.

Did you ever tell these mutual friends how the relationship ended, or might they only know his side of it (and whatever lies he told them)?

He's discovered that women aren't lining up to throw themselves at him so he's spun your friends a sad tale of woe knowing that it'll get back to you.

Then, at this time of year when people are feeling all glowy with the spirit of Christmas he'll probably text you to tell you what a shit Christmas he's having without you, you'll meet and he'll do his sadface to a tee, you'll both get a bit drunk and wistful so will end up shagging. He'll fuck off before new year, and you'll be left right back where you started, heartbroken all over again.

Give yourself the best Christmas gift of all this year - block him on every single platform you can think of before he messages you and toast your freedom from this utter arse with a lovely glass of your favourite drink. If he's miserable - GOOD!

All responses so far are pretty nasty but that’s not surprising

i think you’re a nice person to care (a bit) and not want him to be ill. I don’t think getting in touch is a good idea, but wishing well for him rather than hoping he’s having a horrible life says good things about you

No, do nothing and tell your friends or flying monkeys they might be you don't want to hear anything else about him.

Quite likely that he's using the flying monkeys to reel you back in. Mine tried that and my response was 'we're divorced, what do I care?'

You don't have to feel any sympathy for him.
He's not your problem .
Sounds like you were well rid tbh

When someone's treated you nastily you tend not to have tender charitable feelings towards them.

Yup, poor him will be depressed as he has no one to blame but himself. Took me a while with my ex as I felt sorry for him but now I have a good laugh when people comment on how shit his life is. Mines great and he could of had that if he wasn’t such a abuser

Same! 😁

He's discovered that women aren't lining up to throw themselves at him

This ^^ He’s realizing what he’s lost and feeling sorry for himself. It’s human to feel bad for someone you loved, but he treated you appallingly, OP, and you deserve better. So leave it and definitely don’t contact him ever.

Let him play the victim! He’s miserable because of the way he treats other people and this is a consequence of his own actions so honestly I would have no sympathy

Nothing wrong with still caring about him. Just shows you're a good person. Don't let this sway you into taking him back if it comes up, though.

Not your problem now.

Yep, it's called hoovering. I fell for it and he did the exact same thing all over again. Keep well away is my advice

Absolutely classic narc behaviour - he’ll start reeling you back in. Please don’t fall for it. Your only setting yourself up to repeat the whole cycle again. It has taken you to have therapy to get this far. He is absolutely not your problem.

Classic narc. I know my ex is doing horrifically. I don't care because karma is a bitch. Whenever I get the odd pang of poor him, I remind myself of what he put me through and it soon goes.

No, in fairness, they never mention him to me and I'm guessing they don't mention me to him. I haven't asked about him the other times we've met, and I just did this time, just asked how he was, so I know they wouldn't have mentioned him otherwise.

We've had no contact and I don't intend to, but I'm probably too caring at times!

Soon after we were divorced my ex made sure I knew how well he was doing with his company. Funnily enough he wasn't so keen for me to know when it all went tits up.

They know a bit, how cold he was at the end after all these years, but I didn't go into exactly what he said to me.

Also, even after everything, I wouldn't wish bad times on anyone.

Oh yes, my ex did that in the beginning. Told everyone he'd 'upgraded' with the OW. Unfortunately, he couldn't hide when it all went tits up as it was all over the local news.

Mine tried money @Stressfordays 'Oh did you know X has just made his first million?' the trouble was, that million was a) on paper and b) his last. His company was wound up with a five figure loss.