Would a partner who is bad with money put you off?

[Whatsmoreimportant]

Will try not to drip feed and give you the full
picture as best I can.

Have been a single mum for 5 years and happily so. Work full time, busy with 2 DC (6 and 9), money is hugely tight but we get by.

A year ago, I met a lovely man, who over the past year has shown himself to be incredibly kind, considerate, intelligent and great company.

He's very accepting of my life and history (I had a little 'breakdown' around 5 years ago, which was quite messy but I'm in a completely different place now and have never been happier)

But..he's not great with money. He had a really good, well paid job up until last year when he was made redundant. Since then he's worked consistently in lower paid jobs to get by (which I absolutely think is amazing btw). But he has a history of really bad money management, which includes bailiffs coming round, bankruptcy and other things..
When I've asked him about it, he will talk about it (and I never judge because things are so tight for us).
It sounds like he has dealt with a lot of his issues as he had a bit of a problem with spending I think, but I'm finding that he still has no money at the end of the month and and isn't always that good at budgeting/managing it.

just want to reiterate, I'm not judging him, just selfishly worrying about what our lives would be like together long term..

Although I often don't have much money at the end of the month either, I've had to fight tooth and nail ti get my life back together 5 years ago and I guess I'm very protective of that and worried about the thought of getting in a mess again.

He has a daughter (5) who he has EOW. His ex partner has told me also about the money situation they were in.

Any advice is hugely appreciated. I lost my mum two years ago and would have talked to her about it and I just don't feel like I can talk to friends about this....

Poor financial management to the point of bailiffs coming round when on a good wage suggests that he avoids issues and can’t take responsibility

Did this happen after he had his child? How would you feel if bailiffs came to your home while your children were there??

Financial issues are one of the biggest causes of break ups. I would run away from this man very fast. Your children deserve better.

Yes, there is scope to change but I must admit, for my own peace of mind, I always keep an eye on things!

Fighting over money and finances is the no1 cause for divorce. Just saying...

In all honesty I was shocking with money in my past, wracked up debts.

Always worked in a good job but just couldn't/wouldn't budget properly.
Met my then partner who had his own house etc and after a few years I moved in with him and we had a child together.
He was so together with money and being with him helped me sort out my own finances and want to do better
We are now married and me being terrible with money has never been an issue. I'vr been debt free for over 13 years and if anything I am now worse than him in keeping an eye on the financials 😂

Nah. Give him a wide berth. Also, lots of people go into 'consultancy' and have a shelf life of a few years before losing relevancy in their field in my experience

I think that's a very different situation tho.

It's one thing for your partner to have taken a chance on you sorting yourself out when he was very stable financially and presumably wasn't a single parent, to OP's situation where she is tight for money and has 2 kids under 10 to think about.

For me it would depend on if he had learnt from his mistakes and done everything he could to get himself out of it and avoid it again in future.

I had a fairly significant debt level when I met DH (over 20k) but I was tackling it and within 4 years I had paid it off. It has made me incredibly cautious with money if I can't afford something then I don't buy it and save up til a point where I can.

I think casual would be absolutely fine.

But I couldn't see a future with an adult who didn't know how to support themselves, but especially if I was a single parent struggling to raise 2 children. It would be madness to get yourself dragged in.

He needs to stand on his own 2 feet, especially as he is a parent too.

My priority if I was him would be to get a better job, take more responsibility for my child, clear my debts, then see if I had time for dating in that order.

I think if you see this as a casual relationship then carry on, but do not move in together or link your finances, otherwise you will have the bailiffs knocking at your door.

Can't you just enjoy a relationship without living together. Don't let him move in if he asks.

Kind of - he has 2 children who lived with him 5 days a week, so he had those to think of.

The point I was trying to make is people can learn from their mistakes and move on from them.

They can, but it's a big risk for potential partners to take, especially if their own financial position is finely balanced.

It doesn't sound like OP's prospect has learnt a lot - he might be doing better from his bankruptcy days, but he's still struggling to budget. And cynically, it's possible it's his bankruptcy/ poor credit rating that stops him from getting into debt again rather than better money management, depending how long ago it was? I think you can only get a basic bank account that doesn't allow overdrafts etc when your credit rating is really bad.

In OP's position, I might date the guy or have a Living Apart relationship - but would I throw in my lot with him, live with him or marry him, definitely not.