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Online Dating Fail

52 replies

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 07:26

Months ago in the aftermath of yet another two horrible, vile relationship break downs I had a stupid cow moment and signed up to a paid dating site after going temporarily insane and thinking at the grand old age of 38 I might actually find a bit of love in life. Pfft, I know. Twat. My heart sheepishly apologises to my brain. Anyway I got chatting to a very handsome lad (not man, clearly) who I knew vaguely years ago. He asks me out after an afternoon of messaging and I say yes, I was actually quite looking forward to seeing him. Only problem is as soon as I say yes he fades off... the questions stop, vague responses etc. The chase is over. Lo and behold he cancels because of some absolute bullshit "work" thing, which is clearly translation for "I'm not really into you but hang on in there in case I don't get a better offer". Righto, take care dear. I'll just wait here. Then weeks later he appears out of nowhere and says he's around now and free (yay!!) so if I "wanna grab that drink" let him know. To his absolute amazement I politely declined and wished him well so he said FINE then blocked me on watsapp. Because obviously I was stalking this absolutely irresistible King Of The World. He's messaged me since then on this dating app a couple of times, then last night again with another request. So out of sheer boredom and insomnia I replied and said I'm no longer looking for a relationship and am not interested in meeting him. He just couldn't get his head around it. Why won't I meet him? Why am I still on there if I want to be alone? (Because im paid up until January matey so I might as well entertain myself reading the utterly horrific messages from men asking me to spank them, to others telling me they'd love to rip these leggings off me). Phwoar!! I mean fuck me, who said romance was dead?! It's my loss apparently and I'm totally unreasonable for not wanting to speak to him again.

Honestly these people baffle me. I'm so glad I signed up to the whole thing, it's been an eye opener. I mean seriously, I thought my real life experiences had pushed me over the edge but there's nothing like the OLD rollercoaster to well and truly pick you up and blast you right into permanent retirement. Bridget Jones - give me those fucking pants and a couple of cats to go with it. If I'd not done the OLD thing I'd have been in my 60s wondering what if I'd found him on there? So I'm now at peace knowing there was no him and there was no there. Just this little gem, another one who got very creepy after I backed out of meeting him and a few other love stories. But basically a bunch of dicks looking for sex, fall back girls and playing more games than the Olympics.

To the posters who get it - your comments give me a boost and make me feel less alone during what can be the hardest holiday of the year for people who are not totally but pretty much alone in life.

To the posters who don't get it - see direct paragraph above about posters who get it.

Right, that's been therapeutic as I like to write down my thoughts and experiences down on here as opposed to dragging down some poor bastard in real life. I'm now off for a long winter walk in the peace, quiet and tranquility.

Have a good day everyone x

OP posts:
Theonlywayisup1 · 16/12/2022 07:33

Hahaha, please can you write a book or start a column!! This made me laugh so hard 😂

GreyCarpet · 16/12/2022 07:34

Unfortunately, that's online dating for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Get into the real.world and meet real people is my only suggestion. Online dating is not the place to find love.

Haveahappyholiday · 16/12/2022 07:35

I think you could give it a bit longer! Not this waster obviously but did you actually meet anyone?

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 07:37

The only thing I'll be getting into is a big bed by myself so I can starfish alone and the only person I'll be loving from now on is me. Honestly get tae fuck the lot of them 🚫 I can't be arsed to shave my legs anyway

OP posts:
Bard6817 · 16/12/2022 07:45

It’s a shit show for most people.

Some are hookup sites, so i think people looking for relationships on there are mad anyway.

And some are mixed advertising…. ie. advertised to women as ‘relationship’ sites whereas a different front end to men as ‘meet bored housewives’ for fun sites.

I don’t know how they manage to keep going…. Maybe it’s just a numbers game.

the80sweregreat · 16/12/2022 07:46

I'm sorry it's so shit.
A colleague of mine went through a similar thing too.
Hang on in there though.

comfortablylesslumpy · 16/12/2022 07:48

Another reason I am going to stay single now (divorced). I couldn't be doing with this, it is grim isn't it.

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 07:52

It's grim as fuck yep. Some people I know throw themselves at it again and again and again either online or in real life. I'm like... mate, for fucks sake just give up! What positivity has any of it actually given you? How has it not just made your life harder in the end, one way or another? Just stop love. Never again. I'm just living my life as peacefully as possible and trying to get on with it 💕

OP posts:
Vinvertebrate · 16/12/2022 07:52

You’ve made me laugh very hard. It’s all true. The quality of men out there is barrel-scrapingly dire. You sound ace though.

aurynne · 16/12/2022 07:56

As long as you have that amazing sense of humour and wit, you´ll be fine. One day a man will fall head over heels over that wit. And that day you will choose whether to give him a chance or a kick in the arse. Please don´t change! And never settle :)

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 07:57

I really am looking forward to my walk though. It's so frosty and crisp outside and I live near some lovely nature areas. I do genuinely find a bit of joy in simple things and I do love my own company, probably too much. Maybe that was the problem. I just hoped I would once again (only had it once) find someone who's company I preferred more than my own. But it wasn't to be. Fuck it... I think I'm the one. It was under my nose the whole time. I'm literally the one for me!! 😃

OP posts:
Beamur · 16/12/2022 07:59

Being single is an underrated pleasure.
I've not had the experience of OLD but one friend has and said it was the most depressing and bruising 6 months of her life. She's not even considering a relationship now!
Go for a walk, eat what you like, drink what you want, don't shave. Have a great Christmas!

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 07:59

Maybe I should organise one of those ceremonies that you read about in Take A Break. You know that random person in South Carolina who actually marries themselves 🤣

OP posts:
Parsley1234 · 16/12/2022 08:07

You should definitely marry yourself or another solution I ejected my ex from my life and acquired a horse last year this year an additional rescue dog who knows what new creature maybe acquired next year. The general malaise of men looking for dates is dire - dull as ditch boring plain and terminally boring did I mention boring. Merry Christmas to you all

HairyMedia · 16/12/2022 08:16

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 07:26

Months ago in the aftermath of yet another two horrible, vile relationship break downs I had a stupid cow moment and signed up to a paid dating site after going temporarily insane and thinking at the grand old age of 38 I might actually find a bit of love in life. Pfft, I know. Twat. My heart sheepishly apologises to my brain. Anyway I got chatting to a very handsome lad (not man, clearly) who I knew vaguely years ago. He asks me out after an afternoon of messaging and I say yes, I was actually quite looking forward to seeing him. Only problem is as soon as I say yes he fades off... the questions stop, vague responses etc. The chase is over. Lo and behold he cancels because of some absolute bullshit "work" thing, which is clearly translation for "I'm not really into you but hang on in there in case I don't get a better offer". Righto, take care dear. I'll just wait here. Then weeks later he appears out of nowhere and says he's around now and free (yay!!) so if I "wanna grab that drink" let him know. To his absolute amazement I politely declined and wished him well so he said FINE then blocked me on watsapp. Because obviously I was stalking this absolutely irresistible King Of The World. He's messaged me since then on this dating app a couple of times, then last night again with another request. So out of sheer boredom and insomnia I replied and said I'm no longer looking for a relationship and am not interested in meeting him. He just couldn't get his head around it. Why won't I meet him? Why am I still on there if I want to be alone? (Because im paid up until January matey so I might as well entertain myself reading the utterly horrific messages from men asking me to spank them, to others telling me they'd love to rip these leggings off me). Phwoar!! I mean fuck me, who said romance was dead?! It's my loss apparently and I'm totally unreasonable for not wanting to speak to him again.

Honestly these people baffle me. I'm so glad I signed up to the whole thing, it's been an eye opener. I mean seriously, I thought my real life experiences had pushed me over the edge but there's nothing like the OLD rollercoaster to well and truly pick you up and blast you right into permanent retirement. Bridget Jones - give me those fucking pants and a couple of cats to go with it. If I'd not done the OLD thing I'd have been in my 60s wondering what if I'd found him on there? So I'm now at peace knowing there was no him and there was no there. Just this little gem, another one who got very creepy after I backed out of meeting him and a few other love stories. But basically a bunch of dicks looking for sex, fall back girls and playing more games than the Olympics.

To the posters who get it - your comments give me a boost and make me feel less alone during what can be the hardest holiday of the year for people who are not totally but pretty much alone in life.

To the posters who don't get it - see direct paragraph above about posters who get it.

Right, that's been therapeutic as I like to write down my thoughts and experiences down on here as opposed to dragging down some poor bastard in real life. I'm now off for a long winter walk in the peace, quiet and tranquility.

Have a good day everyone x

Love this OP, so funny
With a personality and thoughts like that you will find an amazing man, I promise

SheenaShoemaker · 16/12/2022 08:17

That's actually a great idea, marrying oneself! I've been so busy these last few weeks doing stuff for myself/Xmas thar I completely forgot about online dating and you know what, I don't miss it plus I like not shaving my legs/spending a fortune beautifying myself for yet another date that goes nowhere. Its good to take a break op. I genuinely wonder if online dating has had its day.

FluffyFlower · 16/12/2022 08:21

Not a popular response, I know, but I would give him a chance. Online dating in very early stages is just that, you talk to multiple people, you get distracted with stuff, I would not take it personal. You liked him, he suggested a date a few weeks later, why lie and be bitter - I would go out and enjoy the date and see what happens, you never know! I don't think you need to treat it as if you are committed to each other from the first chat. Now if he disappeared for 3 weeks after you first met in person, then yes, bye bye, but sorry to say, in this situation he didn't owe you anything. PS: from someone who found true love vía a dating site

Alcemeg · 16/12/2022 08:26

You're very funny OP.

Being alone is wonderful (I did it for years). Meeting the right person is also great. I'd recommend music festivals - independent ones, not the big commercial shit. I used to go alone (in my 50s) and soon made lots of friends, including the guy who eventually became my DH.

Sunshineandflipflops · 16/12/2022 09:34

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences but to those saying OLD isn't for relationships/love - that's a load of generalisation based on bad experiences. Of course there are time wasters on there, but are people claiming to have never met idiots and time wasters in real life? I certainly have!

I have some interesting experiences and messages when OLD but didn't take it too seriously and I think it taught me a lot about what I did want. I met my dp after a few months and we have been happily together for over 3 years.

It's very well saying "get out there and meet people" but (and I can only speak for myself here) when yo are late 30's, have kids and most of your friends are married and have kids and don't want to go out, there isn't really a lot of opportunity to do so.

Op, I'm glad you have found peace with being single and that is certainly a very valid choice. Don't tar all people who use OLD with the same brush though...there are some decent ones amongst the frogs.

GorgeousKitten · 16/12/2022 09:44

Your writing is hilarious! Sorry about your OLD misadventures!

daisychain01 · 16/12/2022 10:24

Because im paid up until January matey so I might as well entertain myself reading the utterly horrific messages from men asking me to spank them, to others telling me they'd love to rip these leggings off me

dick-pics, don't forget the dick-pics!

Because of course women are always massively turned on by a bloke who'd point his mobile at his own appendage and send the image to us for our delectation [gross emoticon]

GorgeousKitten · 16/12/2022 10:32

What I really hate is that the dick pics aren't even good or an accurate representation of the appendage. They take it from angles that show their feet, toilet, dirty environment or make their dick look like a massive courgette when it's in fact a button mushroom.

daisychain01 · 16/12/2022 14:51

massive courgette

😂😱😂

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 16/12/2022 19:32

Maybe I'm dying alone because I didn't forward that chain message in 1998 😃

OP posts:
Countrymouse2 · 16/12/2022 19:45

I have also just signed up to OLD app this month at 38.. after my last post on here I got ripped to shreds about getting serious with someone who was not from the UK (god forbid) so took everyone’s advice and am now trying to meet a new person (from the UK). I can honestly say after swiping left on about 200 men - what are their photos about good grief! - I despair. There have been a couple of half normal (boring) guys that I have chatted with and agreed to meet them next week so lets see, but honestly if this is as good as it gets then I think I am destined to be single and childless forever 😂

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