Online Dating Fail

[FuckConvoGiveMeAForest]

Months ago in the aftermath of yet another two horrible, vile relationship break downs I had a stupid cow moment and signed up to a paid dating site after going temporarily insane and thinking at the grand old age of 38 I might actually find a bit of love in life. Pfft, I know. Twat. My heart sheepishly apologises to my brain. Anyway I got chatting to a very handsome lad (not man, clearly) who I knew vaguely years ago. He asks me out after an afternoon of messaging and I say yes, I was actually quite looking forward to seeing him. Only problem is as soon as I say yes he fades off... the questions stop, vague responses etc. The chase is over. Lo and behold he cancels because of some absolute bullshit "work" thing, which is clearly translation for "I'm not really into you but hang on in there in case I don't get a better offer". Righto, take care dear. I'll just wait here. Then weeks later he appears out of nowhere and says he's around now and free (yay!!) so if I "wanna grab that drink" let him know. To his absolute amazement I politely declined and wished him well so he said FINE then blocked me on watsapp. Because obviously I was stalking this absolutely irresistible King Of The World. He's messaged me since then on this dating app a couple of times, then last night again with another request. So out of sheer boredom and insomnia I replied and said I'm no longer looking for a relationship and am not interested in meeting him. He just couldn't get his head around it. Why won't I meet him? Why am I still on there if I want to be alone? (Because im paid up until January matey so I might as well entertain myself reading the utterly horrific messages from men asking me to spank them, to others telling me they'd love to rip these leggings off me). Phwoar!! I mean fuck me, who said romance was dead?! It's my loss apparently and I'm totally unreasonable for not wanting to speak to him again.

Honestly these people baffle me. I'm so glad I signed up to the whole thing, it's been an eye opener. I mean seriously, I thought my real life experiences had pushed me over the edge but there's nothing like the OLD rollercoaster to well and truly pick you up and blast you right into permanent retirement. Bridget Jones - give me those fucking pants and a couple of cats to go with it. If I'd not done the OLD thing I'd have been in my 60s wondering what if I'd found him on there? So I'm now at peace knowing there was no him and there was no there. Just this little gem, another one who got very creepy after I backed out of meeting him and a few other love stories. But basically a bunch of dicks looking for sex, fall back girls and playing more games than the Olympics.

To the posters who get it - your comments give me a boost and make me feel less alone during what can be the hardest holiday of the year for people who are not totally but pretty much alone in life.

To the posters who don't get it - see direct paragraph above about posters who get it.

Right, that's been therapeutic as I like to write down my thoughts and experiences down on here as opposed to dragging down some poor bastard in real life. I'm now off for a long winter walk in the peace, quiet and tranquility.

Have a good day everyone x

@cou

@Countrymouse2

Have you considered going it alone if you want children?

I did that (eventually after realising aged 38 that unless I decoupled the idea of a relationship from having a child, I might end up childless and that for me would have been really painful). I now have my son but am also back on OLD seeing if I could meet someone for "me", now that pressure is off, dating feels different!

Not all of us get what we want in a conventional relationship.

I think you should write some more too.

Also OP, I'm about the same age as you. For all I know, my fertility days might be numbered already. I signed up to a dating app, and I didn't find a any man that ticked most boxes, didn't find any of them attractive, had nothing in common with them or could see problems down the line. A lot of them upload gross bathroom selfie photos or do everything they can to hide their faces. I've come off it now and as I live very rurally, have accepted I might not ever meet a man I like again, or it will be too late to have children before I do. I'm not willing to settle and have a half-glass empty relationship with someone I'm not attracted to.

This is a bad time of the year to go looking - they are all tied up with work and family etc. Wait until Jan when life is really boring.

Glad you are happy though @FuckConvoGiveMeAForest . Each to their own. I met my H online and many people I know have done so too.

I know you're trying to be helpful, but I'm sure that most women in this situation have thought of this already and are aware of what sperm donation is. It comes across as thoughtless. Going it alone requires at least a middle class income, or family/passive income money unless you want to be on benefits.

You also need a consenting, willing support structure in the way of family & friends. It's not like when someone has kids, and the relationship fails - women go into this knowing they will be the only parent and they often need some kind of external support structure which not everyone has.

I'm glad it worked out for you, but I would want to know the person who is going to make up half of my child - there's a good reason they call is reproduction. Nurture isn't everything.

So many sociopaths walk among us 🙃 I just think, these men cannot be like that in their real lives in public. It's repulsive a lot of the time and I despair at the offerings out there.

I'm going on date 4 tomorrow with a genuinely nice guy, but I'm so jaded now I'm questioning what's wrong with him.

I love your post, OP!!!

OLD is complete garbage for both sexes..
Here's a few home truths..

OLD is always 80% men and 20% women,

Women are extremely picky and sometimes delusional and gravitate towards the top 20% more handsome men.. the bottom 80% are invisible.

The top 20% of men essentially 'clean up' have multiple options -they'll treat it as a hookup app. And men being men, (even the very good looking ones), a woman of a lower attractiveness level is a viable option for a quickie - That's why 8/10 men will match with 5/10 women

Top 20% of men get everything.

Bottom 20% of men get next to nothing..

All women get used for sex and hookups by the handsome guys

I'm currently going through the "date collector" vibe. We arrange, they fk off.
It's far too much like hard work when the single life is by far easier.
I console myself by buying a new vibrator....I currently have 32!

I think the secret of OLD is sticking to the app and unmatching as soon as there is any flash of crazy/arsehole

Also, 38. Come on now. You’re hardly past it!

The man of your dreams does not exist in the swamp of losers inhabiting the world of OLD. The only people who smile engaged with that are the share-holders. I always laugh at those New Year Match.com adverts on the TV 'Make love happen' or some such rubbish. Make our investors happy more like, while you painfully wade through a population of cast off misfits who cannot find anyone to put up with them in real life. You write beautifully, and the man of your dreams lurks in a creative writing workshop or a book club, or some other artist hobby pursuit.

Your notion that the OP simply has to go to the local creative writing club or similar to find the "man of her dreams" is every bit as hopelessly whimsical as finding true love within a fortnight on OLD.

Of course, there are many losers on OLD, and it can be a rough experience, BUT many, many people have found their partners through them.

Dating is ultimately a combination of a numbers game and luck.... Yes, by all means join a local club or two, but do so because you want to do the things that club does, not to primarily to find love.... Relying on a club of a dozen or so creative writers (or whatever) to happen to have a romantic match for you when they'll be drawn from the whole population is unrealistic and asking for a let down. Of course people do find love that way, but it's relies on at least as much luck as OLD.

Oh OP this made me laugh.

Though on the flip side 9years ago I met up with a guy on tinder, don't know why. He was pretty straight forward in saying he didn't want a relationship or a girlfriend and maintained this from the get go. Dont ask me why i met up with him but I was lonely bored intrigued and he had good chat and to be honest I had fuck all else to do.

Anyway fast forward 9 years, he still maintains he doesn't want a girlfriend or relationship so I married him and went on to give him 3 kids while i was at it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It took about 4/5 years on OLD to find two decent men. I’m now ten years into a very happy LTR, 2 children and I’m so grateful I didn’t give up.

Cracking bit of writing, marrying yourself sounds like it'll be a hoot. I did it for 3 years, I did find 'him' as it happens, but along the way what kept me going wasn't the search for love or optimism, but a love of the absurd. I think possibly I got some kind of mild PTSD detachment around year 1.5 where I just thought it was funny to take the piss out of men on the internet. Not very noble but there we are

...well that is pretty much how I found my Mr Right, and I wasn't even looking for a date. Through a hobby, and there were plenty of suitors too. I was approached by a few men but wasn't interested in anyone but him. It wasn't a social group either, and just a hobby pursuit. Not bad for a clapped out 50-something with health issues I reckon, and the conversation doesn't dry up as we have mutual interests. Off on holiday together next week and cannot wait. Thinking about friends and colleagues who have been single at mid-life, I cannot think of any single person I know who met someone decent on OLD. Those who are dating met through work, sports, mutual friends etc. Their common interests keep them together it seems.

@EarthSight

Actually most women don't really consider this option seriously as th HFEA (Human Embryology and Fertilisation Authority) would confirm, especially in cases of IVF treatment; most women still consider the conventional way as the only viable way.

I don't have external structure nearby but I do have reliable childcare arrangements, and my incomes is slightly above the average.

In that case, if you're not even willing to think about it rationally, you will always be at the mercy of meeting a

*at the
mercy of having to meet a partner, and that is difficult, I know because I was in that cycle myself at one point. As for "wanting to know the person who makes up half of your child", that's fine, again in that case you'll have to be at the mercy of meeting that partner I suppose. Most women don't really care about that on e the child arrives.

Oh Fluffy ... what are you like - any man is better than no man huh?

Give him a chance?
After he harassed her, got into a strop on hearing her "no", then sulked & insulted her into the bargain?

Oh Fluffy ... what are you like - any man is better than no man huh?

Agreed 🙄 I'd rather shit in my hands and clap

I didn't say this guy is better than no man at all. Although I honestly don't see any harassment - how do you know the work thing he cancelled for was a lame excuse and not legitimate? Assumptions all the way! In fact the OP could have blocked him first right away and she didn't, she said she looked forward to seeing him, but I see an equal amount of game-playing on her side: "out of sheer boredom and insomnia I replied and said I'm no longer looking for a relationship" . People do disappear and reappear on apps, men and women. You try, you fail, you get out there again. I see zero drama there! It just felt so unfair to assume all apps are crap and all men there are crap too.. And that shout out loud from the OP post.

Only Spanking OP?
you need to hang on in there for the kick me in the balls and beastiality men…

Please please please write a book.

I too got on tinder and deleted my profile three weeks into because im not looking for a shag so finding someone decent looking for a normal relationship IRL is utterly impossible. I’m giving up on OLD and focusing on men on real life and “friends of friends”. Tinder is a wasteland.

You should pay for another month or two just to get some more stories then definitely write a book!
I am quite obviously married (rings on my finger!) and still get the dregs trying it on .....I am an overweight middle aged woman ffs!!! Most men will try it on with anyone they think they can get sex out of but when it comes to a relationship they suddenly feel entitled to a super model half their age (not dissing you OP, you could be a super model for all I know).
My most recent mind bending encounter was with a 27 year old gym loving lad, pestered like mad - think he thought I would be so impressed I would be an easy shag🙄 They have no morals when it comes to getting their leg over.
I hope you have an amazing life OP, with or without a man!