Have you been sued by your parents?

[NeptuneOrion]

Tell me how it went? How did you cope?
Did you win your case?

I have NCed. I can't give you all the reasons and exact dates for legal reasons.

After years of chipping away at us and giving one hand to slap us with the other; we went NC with Parent-in-Law (singular) 3 yrs ago.

They are now suing us for contact DC1 >10yo and DC >3yo.

During the NC, PIL has used flying monkeys to try and harm us. We have a lot of emails from them saying demeaning, horrible things to us but never outright swear words.

Their lawyers have been by the book and suggested family therapy, mediation etc. PIL is a covert Narc and we don't want to do therapy etc. There's no point.

We are now in a sh*t legal position where we have had to withdraw our objection to their seeking leave to file a c100. It is costing us 1000s we don't have.

I have come here to ask who else is being sued by their stately home parent/s.

I need to feel less alone with it. PIL knows to be all sweetness and light and we have suffered for a decade almost without witnesses. I am starting to feel like they have us over a barrel.

First of all, you aren't being sued are you? That's someone taking you to court for monetary recompense. What you're on about is grand parent trying to use family court to gain contact with grand children?

You don't need a lawyer for family court, especially when the other party is trying it on like this. Save your money and self represent. That'll piss off PIL off even more if they've wasted a fortune on legal expenses and still lose when you haven't.

@DiscoStusMoonboots I am really trying to focus on the children and the joy they bring me/us.

Sometimes I struggle with resentment, I feel like screaming at DH "Why can't you just get on with PIL?" But I remember that's it's a system of abuse, it's so insiduous. Why does all NPD abuse play out pretty much the same way?

Sorry about your GM. How do you feel about her?

I Don't understand why you have had to withdraw your objection?
Do your own legal paperwork.
My mum sued me (monetary) and I represented myself.

What's stately homes got to do with it?

OP - are you in the UK?

You don’t need to pay for legal representation. Grandparents have no legal rights to see their grand children. They’re trying their luck and wasting their money. Don’t waste your money too.

If you are personally I’d dispense with the solicitor- they don’t have a leg to stand on.

@paleviolet thanks, I will go and have a look.

@altmember you are absolutely correct but it feels like a tool to get to us. I would say they probably do want to see DCs. They're all about looking successful and flaunting it so 2 GCs to show off is perfect. But it's been done with such malice that it feels like being sued. It's not about the GCs, it's about the control.

We chose not to self rep in order to not make mistakes and fight more efficiently. We need to withdraw as judge believes PIL's case meets threshold for permission so we're keeping our resources for that fight.

@Justcallmebebes I lost my dad this year and we were LC. The grief floored me because I was really not expecting it. I thought he had always been such a shit, surely I was over it. Having to deal some of his probate (abroad) was so aggravating. I'm UK based now but a foreign national and legally couldn't refuse to do the admin. It firmly belongs to the children.

@NeptuneOrion I think focussing all energies on your children is a great idea. In truth, I think the only way my parents got through this was because both sets of parents were bad in their own ways.

I always disliked my grandmother from a young age, and she later 'weaponised' me against my parents.

For example, one evening when I was around 7, my parents had a row - not a big deal, but unusual in my household. As this was unnerving for me, I called her for some reassurance and she told me to phone the police and tell them my dad was being abusive to my mum - so I did, using the words she had given me (thinking she would help). My dad was then carted off in a police car for the evening and I still to this day feel guilty.

If ever I were even to contemplate giving her a second chance, that memory alone would be enough to help me see sense.

Sending you lots of strength for this one - you'll crack it.

Please please believe me when I tell you a solicitor will write whatever any batshit fucker asks them to. I was sent one demanding I remove my new blinds as exh could no longer see into my new home.
No judge agreed with him funnily enough.

@marvellousmaple stately homes: PIL has been holding all the things they did for DH and places they took DH to when he was a child over DH's head. "I paid for your education, so you owe me", "I took you on the best holidays etc".

I know you're not asking for advice per se but, as grandparents have no rights, no one else is going to have been in your position because the rest of us block and ignore and leave them to it!

They can try whatever they like but, unless they have acted in a parental role (because most grandparents have some sort of relationship with their grandchildren before it goes tits up), they dot have a left o stand on.

That show you deal wuth the emotional shit of it all. You just don't engage.

@Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon that's both hilarious and demented. Thank you.

@DiscoStusMoonboots I think kids know, don't they? We are super careful not to bad mouth PIL in front of older DC as that was done when I was a child and it made me feel like I wasn't allowed to love the person being taken down. But a few things DC has said makes me think they know that their grandparent is a sh*t.

@GreyCarpet we grey-rocked them, we didn't answer e-mails etc for months and months until they started the procedure against us. I fear we cannot back pedal now.

Tbh, the lawyer's letters rattled me so much that I never considered we could just do nothing.

At our stage Cafcass has been involved etc.

@NeptuneOrion Kids are incredibly astute aren't they? I'm always amazed at how quickly my class get the measure of a new member of staff. I'm sure your older children do know and - hopefully - will come to you to talk it through when they're old enough and ready. I remember the look of sheer relief on my mum's face when I finally did - like she could finally breathe for the first time in ages. Both my parents handled it very similarly to you, by the sounds of things - they said nothing but were there to listen to my thoughts.

If this is genuine.

End the solicitor at your end.

Write a simple statement to the solicitor at the end end advising that due to the behaviour of the GP there has been no relationship or contact for a number of years and that no further contact will be made. Close the statement that the volume of correspondance you have received fromthe split or with baseless allegations and threats amounts to harassment, that this is formal complaint and that if they continue, you will complain to the ombudsman.

If they write to you again, complain about their harassment to the ombudsman. Let the solicitor deal with that. Lost of cost on their side which will have to expend. It’s not a quick process. Then you can appeal the ombudsman.

Then that’s it.

Until you get a summons…. Unlikely you will. If you, go, state your reasons for NC, examples of their behaviour. Decline any form of mediation or communication. In the unlikely event that a court decides you just provide contact, i it’s on it being under supervison……. Make dates, but find that something comes up, illness on your part or the child, doc’s appt, lack of funds to travel, upset tummy’s, child threw a strop and is being punished…. At this point, solicitors tend to advise the person they represent, give up…. It’s what happens to fathers all the time. If the GP continues, detail the reasons why you couldn’t attend. Decline any mediation and detail the stress this is putting on you, your family and that you are now suffering anxiety…. It’s obvious you already are and you might wish to discuss with your doctor these threats hanging over you and if there’s any support you can access.

Family courts are skewed in favour of the child and mother. Be reasonable, think of everything you can do to explain why you wish to keep distance. But i doubt you’ll ever end up there and will probably take over a year anyway, as they are so log jammed.

The only thing to be wary of, is GP being vexatious and submitting false reports to police or social services. So make sure you have copies of the solicitors contact, and your harassment letter back to them. Evidence that suggests they are now playing games with the system, as it presumably there’s no welfare issues mentioned in anything as yet.

Good luck.

@Bard6817 thank you. I will discuss with DH.

It is genuine. I'm a lowly SAHM not a journo. I am sorry that their predatory behaviour has made this place so distrustful.

Tbh, the lawyer's letters rattled me so much that I never considered we could just do nothing

I'm really sorry you've found yourself in this position. I do understand this. Its just a shame you didn't come here sooner 😕

What would happen if you just stopped engaging now do you think?

Attendance at hearings is compulsory, I think.

What a mindf*ck.

I hope karma is a an actual thing.😂

i think some people are missing some posts its already gone for considertaion to a judge op cant just ignore it now

@whynotwhatknot I don't think I am typing fast enough.

I think it's only got as far as the judge telling OP to remove objection to PIL applying to court. PIL hasn't actually applied yet (but sounds determined to). OP is entitled to ignore until court process begins.

Not advising to completely ignore it at any rate, Bard6817 has given good advice on how to proceed.

The trouble with family lawyers is that they are generally more interested in maximising their costs, and causing all out war that they often don't get a better result for you, just cost a fortune. Using lawyers in family court is like pouring petrol on a bonfire.

In what way have cafcass been involved, and what have they recommended so far?

Yes what are CAFCASS saying about the whole thing?

Omg really, on what grounds did he think he should be able to look into your house 😂

@Name99

I can't tell you details but it's very no-committal.

I just don't see how they can make such reports from talking to the adults only for 30 mins each on the phone. 🙄